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1st Trimester
.completely.amazing.love.
member
*red* or Gestational Host
.completely.amazing.love.
member
That is a very good term. What would you consider someone who has a stillbirth? Or a miscarriage?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: *red* or Gestational Host
Oh for crying out loud, she was trying to lighten the mood.
The original thread was posted in a humorous light. It's amazing how many of you have not caught on to that.
I've had a miscarriage. My hosting duties were up. I healed and gave it a whirl again.
I have step children that I parent to. I can tell you this, I can say for sure that because I did not give birth to them or raise them from infancy, I do not have the same inherent tie to them that their mother and father do. It's one of the reasons why I wanted to go through the process of having a child with my husband.
Should something happen to this pregnancy, I would be devastated because of the possibility of what could have been but I don't consider myself to be a mother yet. It's like women who don't give birth to a child, don't carry a child in their womb. Are they any less of a mother because they didn't go through that process? NO. Motherhood happens when you have a connection between two people in my opinion and that that begins after birth.
Hence the term Mom-to-be.. I'm totally okay with that.
Oh and I refer to my babe as the Alien Squid Child as well... S/he has a sense of humor as evidenced in our first ultrasound and totally approves of the moniker.?
I agree that red was just trying to lighten the mood.
But as for the original post. Saying something offensive in a humorous light does not make it less offensive.
But that's just my opinion.
The OP was a clicky poll on "Do you think you're a mom because you're pregnant?". That was done in humor. It's not BH's fault that everyone jumped on the no-sense-of-humor bandwagon.
My bad. I did not see that post. I was referring to the post where one women was saying no one has a clue unless they have their own children. I guess that was someone else, not BH.
I wasn't saying anything against Red.
My apologies.
really that is not what I got, I hear "Red, I don't like what you called a pregnant woman" even though she was clearly trying to lighten the atmosphere.
instigator
You know what? You can GTFO. You don't know me. I've never even seen you on this board before. You don't know the hell I have endured in my life. I have probably been through more then you ever have and I am only 21. Click where it says ::my love:: and then maybe you will want to take back some of the ignorant things you have said about me not being a mother. I am a mother in every sense of the word.
Ya if she'd stopped at I like that term..... I would have thought she saw the humor in the remark...
But seriously, it's not that big a deal for me. I appreciate that to everyone this experience is very different.
For my husband, who has done this twice before, the most amazing thing is not feeling the kicks or seeing the ultrasound, it's that one minute there will be two of us in our immediate family and then seconds later there will be three of us. I totally see it exactly the same way. For me, right now, there is still a sense of disbelief or detachment if you will. It's not something I've ever done before and I can remain objective about the entire thing.
Now, cut me off when I'm driving and this intense (more so than usual) maternal ROAD RAGE kicks in but other than that..... I'm just chillin'. I'm enjoying my time BC - before child. I have a very happy and complete life without a child. It will only become richer as we add to the family.
And with that, I'm going to take my fur babies to bed and have a lovely little cuddle with the munchkins. I'm SOOOOOO their mom... but we'll leave that for a different discussion!?
Once Upon a Princess Tutus
My Life as a Future Mom
UMM really? you don't know me or my life either but I like how you assume ( you know that saying about assuming) yours is automatically worse and that you have been through more than me, now you can GTFO.
Whoa whoa whoa.....this went in a direction I dont' think anyone intended for it to go.
No one is questioning the experiences you've had or robbing you of how you feel. If you sit there and look at yourself like a Mom, go for it. And I really mean that. But at the same time, if you come on a board and share all of this and get angry because not everyone agree with how you feel you need some perspective. There is a big difference, and while I'm not at all saying that you didn't love the child you lost or that you don't love the child you are carrying, when that day comes when you give birth and you are up at 3 am standing in the baby's room looking at him/her with awe...you'll see how different life is and how different you feel. I'm not saying you can't feel like a Mom, go for it. But I think the point that all of this started with is there is a BIG difference between the feelings you feel now and the feelings you'll have after the birth of this child. And when you have that child, you'll realize that the women that haven't experienced it yet really have no idea. It's not a bad thing, it's just how things are....so instead of taking it the wrong way and getting upset simply take that as something to really look forward to.
agreed
Do not drag my name through the mud with this whole debate I said nothing about woman who have had miscarriages/still births/ or the loss of a child.
That poster said I shouldn't be posting here and in return I said she wasn't a stay at home mom like her badge said in her sig. She did not have any loss listed in her sig I would not have said that to her if she did.
She argued with me that she was a SAHM just like me. She is not just like me plain and simple. Every morning I get up at 5am and then spend every second taking care of my child sometimes I do not get to feed or shower myself till 5pm when my husband gets home. That is the life of a SAHM. Maybe she is going to be a SAHM when she has her baby but she is not one now. It is a real job and a very hard and demanding one at that. So seeing a badge saying that is what you are is insulting. You would be just as insulted if I had a badge saying success after loss and I never had a loss. (I hope that does not come across hurtful it is not supposed to) Stop turning this into something it is not. Your loss is very sad. But the OP had nothing to do with you. You made it about yourself.
If you are this sensitive there are boards made for you like success after loss, parenting after loss, etc. I am not in any way saying you cannot post here or you shouldn't but if you are that deeply hurt these are places where you will find support.