Help me write sympathy card please :(

dmsmth

For those of you who missed the post from a few nights ago, my friends 2 month old nephew was found not breathing in his crib at the daycare when her sister went to go pick him up.  He was rushed to the hospitla, but it was too late.  They did an autopsy on him to determine if it was SIDS or something else, but I havn't heard the results.

Anyway, I still need to send a sympathy card and I'm not sure what to say to her.  This friend was a huge help during my m/c, but having gone through the m/c I know I don't want to say the wrong thing and that can be walking a fine line. 

I guess I feel like I kind of know a little bit of what she is going through (although hers would be like times 10... to my m/c) and I can't figure out how to say this.  Because a while back I said to another friend my m/c was like you loosing your child and that blew up in my face.  So I don't think anybody really sees it as being similar.  I know her sisters going to have a hard many month and she is going to look at baby's like I looked at pregnant people and I know she is going to ask herself why my baby, why did my baby have to die.  But since nobody seemes to realize the two have similarities and parallels, I don't want to make things worse for her.

I just really don't know what to say.  I can't imagine loosing Kaylin now or anytime in the future, but loosing baby number one was the worst time in my life, the worst 6 months.  And loosing Kayling would be soooo much harder.

The thing that helped me the most was this friend kind of new what I was going through.  She never had a m/c but she decided to abort a baby when she was in college.  Her family doesn't know she did this, even 6 years later.  And I would like to try to express the same to her.  She has no idea how much talking to her helped.

Part of me want to let her know that her baby is up there now, looking after her nephew and that he's not alone, But her abortion is kind of a sensitive subject since her family doesn't know about it.

Sorry this turned into such a looonnnggg post.

Any suggestions would be helpful.

Thanks.

Lucky428

I would probably keep it short to avoid saying the wrong thing.  I would say something like

I am so sorry to hear about (the child's name).  You are all in my thoughts and prayers.  If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask.  I am here when you need me.

 

GL... this is so tough. I feel so bad for that family.

RJHarmon

My mom lost my sister when she was 2 1/2 (I wasn't around yet), but I can tell you how my mom would respond to you because we talk very openly about our losses, although very different.

My mom said that there is really nothing that anyone can say that is really comforting.  She said that the best comments she recieved were simply, "I am thinking about you," "I am so sorry for your loss," and other things of that nature. 

Just offer support and love whenever you can.  It is all you can do.

YukonC

I agree, I would keep it short and just tell her how sorry you are and that she and her family are in your thoughts and prayers.

vml14

I do now remember your post... how terribly sad.

I would probably say that you should not liken her loss to your miscarriage, because you are right, it may not be taken the right way.  I totally get where you are coming from, and that there are parallels, but I personally think to lose an infant who you got to know is much different than any pregnancy loss.  I think it's always great to say that you don't have the words to express your sadness... because, as you know, there are no words. 

When I lost my baby last year, two women from work wrote me emails that really stuck with me, and I go back to them often for comfort.  One woman, who had lost her son-in-law the previous summer, wrote something like:

I know that while we go through hard things there is pain and sorrow, but I also know that the growth and capacity of the heart to give and receive love enlarges through such experiences. The other woman, who lost her 30 yr old daughter and a grandson in the past 5 years wrote:Each loss is individual and different, and I wish I could somehow help you through your pain and loss, but all I can do is let you know that if you ever need to talk about Valerie Ann???I will be there to listen. I know the importance of keeping our angels "alive in memory". Hope this helps, and hugs to you.