- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Multiples
3 weeks old and i'm totally overwhelmed :-(
our DS and DD just turned 3 weeks old and i don't know if i'm coming or going! at this point, how do you get them on the same eating/feeding schedule without waking one up from sleep. everyone says not to wake a sleeping baby, but if i don't, i'll be up 24 hours straight! and i think DS has a little colic...he doesn't sleep right away after eating, is sometimes fussy, then by the time he finally falls asleep, he has to eat again and I feel bad waking him up.
i'm exhausted, living in my PJ's, and don't know if what i'm doing is the right thing. i'm reading Dr. Weissbluth's book (Healthy Sleep Habits...) and he says to feed/eat/sleep on demand at this point, but for twins i just think that means being awake all day (for the parents).
also, when they don't fall asleep right away after a feeding, how long do you "play" with them before getting them to nap again? i guess i'm confused because i'm reading different things/listening to friends' advice and it's all conflicting. i understand doing what is right for our family and what works for us, but i need advice from MOM's!! i don't think the same "rules" apply to singletons...
any help would be appreciated...on top of this, i'm breastfeeding, my nipples are sore, and i'm trying to pump to reserve some milk. we've had to give them formula at night because i can't keep up...please tell me it gets easier!! i love them so much and just want to do the right thing.
thanks :-)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 3 weeks old and i'm totally overwhelmed :-(
At 3 weeks old you are in survival mode. I didn't leave my house, didn't shower, didn't get out of my PJs, and I had tons of help! Both my husband and my mom were with me and it was still madness.
Do you have help? If you have any friends or family definitely solicit them to give you a hand. My mom would cook and clean for us. She'd basically bring us food to eat while we held or fed babies. Paul would never sleep anywhere other than on us so we basically never got a break and never got any more than an hour or two of sleep at a time.
The good news is IT GETS BETTER. Really, it does! At this point there really isn't a schedule, isn't so much of "play time" as just somewhat awake time, and they eat all the time.
You can do it... just hang in there and try to get some help!
Oh girl, I feel your pain! That is still VERY fresh in my mind. I agree w/the others; right now you are in survival mode. Feel free not to worry about ANYTHING except you and the babies getting as much food and sleep as you can!
Also, have you read Weissbluth's section on multiples? It's in the back and VERY helpful. He does actually say there that some of his rules are different for multiples ... and yes, most people find you do have to keep twins on the same schedule in order to survive. Either the same, or staggered by maybe 1/2 hour; more than that and the parents NEVER get a break! So I agree, go ahead and wake up the sleeping twin so you can feed them at the same time. The only time I wouldn't do that is like now, like JustaKid said, when they are starting to sleep longer stretches at night and you're trying to encourage them doing so.
You are absolutely right that it's different rules for singletons. A twin mom I know (9y/o twins) told mewhen I was pg to take all advice from singleton parents w/a grain of salt because totally different things will work when you have twins. I am so glad she said that b/c I would get frustrated if I tried to follow all the advice from singleton parents!
Hang in there. You've made it 3 weeks already, you're doing great! For us it has gone through stages already! But it definitely does get easier ...
Dr. Luke's book says when one wakes for a feeding, feed the other, when one naps, nap the other by keeping one awake a bit later or having the other start to sleep a bit earlier. Read that section, I plan on following it. Granted I know nothing's perfect but it's different with twins. Normally, yes, let a baby sleep, but it's just different with twins. Good luck! I'm sure when it happens to me I'll be completely stressed but hang in there, you are a dedicated mom!
I'm going to be the lone voice of dissent.
I think normally waking the sleeping baby for feedings is absolutely the smart thing to do. However, after dealing with my own darling Charlotte who had colic and reflux issues, I'd say that at least some of the time, let the colicky baby sleep. Charlotte's colic was so.much.worse when she was overtired. During the day, if she was taking a decent nap - I'd let her sleep. If Evelyn got hungry, I'd just try to give her a smaller bottle - so that she'd be ready to take another bottle after Charlotte woke up and that I could get them on the same schedule again. It's not a perfect system, but I felt like being a little off schedule was well worth me dealing with only a few hours of colic per day rather than dealing with several hours of colic each day.
Oh, the things that saved the day for me were:
1. The sling - Charlotte would instantly fall asleep in that thing. The only problem is that you couldn't transfer her to a crib without waking her up. But the sling was great when she needed to be held for hours and hours and I couldn't get out of the house.
2. Car rides - again, instant sleep. I'd do them particularly when Charlotte got into an "overtired" cycle - where she was so overtired she couldn't sleep. It would help make sure she napped or went to bed later. I'd drive around for awhile, get Starbucks drive thru and listen to NPR. It was a little bit of sanity for me.
3. Walks in the stroller. Even better when they are outside. Being outside is very calming for some reason.
4. The Miracle Blanket. Better than any other swaddle I tried.
5. Sleeping on an incline. A lot of babies with colic really have acid reflux. Or, in our case, Charlotte had both. Sleeping on an incline really helps with the reflux issues.
I know how overwhelming it all is those first few months - particularly with a colicky baby. The good news is, although it will seem like an eternity, it will get so much better. Charlotte despite pretty much constantly crying for the first four months of life, is now the sweetest little girl. It does pass, I promise.
Oh, and if you can afford it, look into hiring a mother's helper for a couple hours a day to help with the babies and allow you to nap, shower, eat - you know all those things that make you feel human. We did this and it helped so much.
It will get better!!! You are in the "survival haze". I remember not knowing what day of the week it was-everyday was like the one before it. It was hard.
I did not wake the other baby up. I tried moving their daily feeds closer to each other and eventually they started gravitating to the same sleep/eat cycle.
The pp had some good suggestions. Good luck-it gets easier.
Like everyone said, at 3 weeks you are in survival mode. But IT DOES GET BETTER!!! As soon as I got home from the hospital I put them on a 3 hour schedule. I staggered them by 30 minutes because it took me about that time to get one baby changed, fed, burped and back to sleep. I would always feed them at their 3 hour time, even if they were sleeping and would wake one or both of them if needed. At 4 weeks I started to let them sleep as long as possible at night and little by little they ae starting to sleep longer.
If you can get them on a 3 hour schedule then you can slowly change that to 3.5 hours and then to 4 hours, which is where I am at now with them. I also increased their bottles everytime we went from a 3 hour - 3.5 hour - 4 hour feeding schedule.
Again, like others said, ignore singleton mom's when it comes to how they manage their one baby. Their rules don't apply to when you have two infants. Plus they will annoy the crap out of you with how hard it was with their one baby, blah blah blah
Most importantly, VENT AWAY!!! Vent on this board because sometimes it is the equivalent of screaming which you need to do from time to time in the beginning.
Aubrey & Anthony
I was told the exact opposite when my boys were born about waking them up. I read that babies sometimes will sleep instead of getting all the nutrition they need, i had to also wake them up at night until they were around 2 months when i got the okay from the pedi to STTN. i slowly started letting them sleep more and more at night. it seemed to work out well for me. they started sleeping and eating together and now pretty much do everything at the same time and STTN with little or no problems. It gets easier i promise. do whats best for you and dont feel bad waking them up to feed or trying to get some sort of routine. they need to make sure they are getting all their food and you need your sanity. of course dont refuse to feed one if it's not on a schedule, but i dont believe there is anything wrong with waking the other to join. for me feeding that often also helped my milk supply. As far as being stuck inyour PJS .... lol thats thebest way to be. Its so hard and your being pulled in all directions right now. *confession, I SAH and im still in pjs most of the time unless im going out. haha. its just so much nicer to lounge around the house and take care of the boys with jammies!! I do get nice a dolled up for going out, or doing something when company. Fix myself to run to the store or mall. When my babies were that age ALL they did was sleep eat and poop so i dont know anything about play time. we would just cuddle. Now that they are up longer we play a lot! I wish you the best of luck on figuring out what works for you. just keep in mind the light at the end of the tunnel, things get better. Everything goes by faster than you know! Your doing great!