Someone please tell me I'm not over reacting... (LONG)

tigger1800

I'm a semi-lurker who needs some support tonight.  Or maybe someone to smack some sense into me if I really am over-reacting.  Today is my birthday and I'm sitting here in tears. 

My DH just got a new job which is so great.  He had been laid off in December right before Christmas and was not too optimistic about finding such a good job with the economy the way it is.  So this week, he has to do his training. Its up in the Twin Cities (about an hour and a half away). So he decided to just stay up there for the week since the company would pay for lodging/food, since he's over 75 miles away.  Well, I was bummed that it was on the week of my birthday, but whatever, I'm so relieved he has a job now, that I really didn't mind.  And realistically I didn't want him on the road 3+ hours a day in the weather we have here this time of year. 

Fast forward to last week and he "admits" to me that he actually will be getting done today at 2.  So I said, oh so will you be coming home that evening then since you get done plenty early, and his response is, no, he's meeting up with one of his friends that afternoon....I think he could tell I was kinda upset that he was not only missing my birthday, but not making the effort to come back when he could have easily been back by the time I got off work at 3:30 and spent the evening with us...but I kinda figured, well at least he knows I"m upset, he'll find a way to make it up to me. 

 So fast forward again to today, and he told me yesterday that I would need to drop off the kids in the morning. I usually go into work at 6 (leave my house at 5:45) but I figured I'd go in a little late so I didn't have to wake them up early.  I had said that made sense since he had originally told me his training started at 8 so he'd be leaving town by 6:30. So I got up early this morning and got showered so I could get the kids ready too and be out of the house by around 6:30 (I really have to try be to work by 7). Around 6 I went to wake him up thinking that he should really get going if he needed to leave by 6:30 to be on time and he says, Oh, I realized after you went to bed that I don't have to be there until 9, so I'm not getting up until 7.  Now remember I've been up since 5:15 AND its my birthday.  So I said oh, I figured we'd at least get to see you a bit this morning before you left for the week (we wont' see him again until Saturday).  Well apparently not cause he just went right back to sleep.

 So I got the kids to daycare, went to work..I got a text from him to let me know he'd gotten there safely, and then he called me again at 12:30 to let me know he was DONE for the day.  I was really busy at work so I only got to talk to him for a few minutes, but he said he'd call me back when I was done with work (3).  I was really sad about missing him today, but all day at work my co-workers kept telling me, oh don't worry, I"m sure he's left you a nice surprise at home, and oh I bet he's planning to surprise you and drive back home for dinner since he's done so early after all...So I get home at 4...nothing, no note, no card, no present..nothing...and when does he finally "find the time" to call...at 7, right when he knows I"m going to be trying to get both kids in bed and get all the stuff ready so I can do everything again by myself tomorrow, including DS's first gymnastics class.  He's freaking relaxing up there and hanging out with his friends that live up there, and he can't even bother to call or text me earlier in the evening when he knew I"d be more free cause he was "busy". 

If you've made it this far, thanks for listening..I"m just so sad...Part of me feels like I shouldn't be so sensitive. He's usually really good, and doesn't heardly ever go out by himself or see his friends much anymore, so in a way I"m glad he's getting out and having some fun, but I jsut wish he'd been a little more caring about the fact that it was my birthday and all he would have had to do was at least attmept to show that he cared he was missing it....I tried to talk to him when he called at 7 but I just ended up arguing with him, because he just sees it that I'm mad at him for being up there when its not his fault his training is up there..its not that I"m mad about, but he just doens't get that...

 Grrrrr...thanks for letting me vent !!!

mrscolleton2b

aww I am sorry- I would be upset too. It seems like there is really no reason for him not to come home for a few hours- yes it's a pain, but it's your birthday!

I am sorry ((HUGS)) and Happy Birthday!

Zenya

You're not overreacting.  I'd be very hurt.

babykin18

Sorry, I would be pissed too.  Do something nice for yourself tonight and be honest with him about how much it upset you when you see him again.

tigger1800

Thanks   Its not even just the not coming home. I hadn't really expected him to do that (although when he admitted he was done at noon I was a bit peeved!)...its just the fact that he didnt' even acknowledge my birthday.  I wasn't expecting a dozen roses and breakfast in bed, but it would have been nice if he'd gotten his @$$ out of bed so we could have seen him before he left, or at least left me a card or note or something to see when I got home....

Rebekah1021

I would seriously tell him off. There would be now way that I would let that slide on my birthday. It sounds like he needs a kick in the arse. Did he forget it was your birthday? I let it be known that when he is home he needs to pull some weight, you work too and need the help.

zigby

First off Happy Birthday!! And second hugs to you!! I too have a thoughtless DH sometimes so I feel your pain.  Can you open a bottle of wine and pop in a girly moment (the benefit to not having a DH around)?

Angela814

I would be hurt too.  I don't make a big deal out of my birthday, but it seems like he was less considerate than he would be even on a normal day.  Just some kind of gesture that showed he would miss you since he would be gone all week and that he understood how much extra work it would be for you would be nice.  Then since it's your birthday and extra something would be nice, even if it was just a card.

 And Happy Birthday!

tigger1800

No he definitely didn't forget...and that's why I was worried I was over reacting, cause he's not usually like this.  He's really helpful with the kids since we both work. He does everything in the morning and does drop off so I can go in early and be done early to spend the rest of the day with them, and he's very good about helping with the house  etc, its more just the emotional crap I wish he was there for me more...

Thanks for all the replies...its so nice to have someone to "talk" to tonight..especially since my babies actually went to sleep tonight (!) and I'm sitting her alone.

 I feel so bad too cause I started crying in front of DS and he came over and said "mommy, you ok? I love you mommy, don't cry" and I though HE gets it, my 2 1/2 year old gets in and I can't get my DH to get it...Grrrrrrr....

MrsSledge

The whole situation sounds pretty stressful.  How long is the training?

ithadtobeyou

((hugs)) I would be so upset and hurt. That was totally insensitive and wrong of him to do this on your birthday. I am soooo sorry.

Time to have a big talk with him when he is done and back home. Seriously. That is just not cool at all.

mikeandmonica

HUGS!  If you ever come up to the cities with him, let us know and we can plan a GTG! 

 And Happy Birthday!!

snickerdoodle27

I'd be upset too. You're not over reacting at all. It's your birthday and you want to spend it with the people you love most, which includes your husband!

DandR

When I started reading, my first thought was "Birthday's for adults are overrated." thinking you were upset that he didn't plan a party or something like that.

But then by the end I was thinking "that man needs a hard kick to his nuts." and I'm totally with you.

no acknowledgement or attempt to spend time with you, or make your day a little easier is just thoughtless and rude!!!!

I think you guys need a serious date night...without kids, so you can talk and reconnect and get all this bad birthday crap out...and he needs to make an effort for awhile to make you feel happy!

hopefulmom

IMO  you're over-reacting.  Course I'm older and birthdays aren't that big a deal to me anymore.  If my family can't do something with me I get a babysitter and find a friend to go do something (movie, coffee, whatever).