Am I nuts???

RoAnt05

My mother-in-law has offered to spend the first week that we are home with the babies here at our house (she lives 15 min away).  She even said that if I didn't want her here, that I should hire a nighttime nurse to help with the babies.  I don't mind the help during the day as long as it is true help that lets me sleep or get other stuff done - none of this *** where I have to entertain people.  But for nighttime, I want it to just be DH and I with the babies.  Am I nuts for thinking this way?   If help was available to you, did you have them come as soon as you got home with the babies?  Whichever you did, can you tell me why.  Maybe it will help me decide.

FaeryStarGazer

Nope, not nuts!! It was just me and H for the first five weeks. Then MIL was allowed to come back out for two weeks, then my mom wanted to stay, too. They both (MIL and my mom) understood that if they were coming, they were taking part of the night shift!

It was nice to have help, but by the time they were 7/8w old, I was fine to be on my own with them.

Dsugaree

I had my Mom here with me when Sadie first came home to help me - the girls are my first so I felt like I needed some help from my Mom especially after all the NICU time. My Mom only spent 3 days with me helping me get used to having a baby! I had Sadie home for 6 weeks before Maxyne could come home. The first day Maxyne was home I hired a night nurse - I think you are nuts only because day time I could handle without a program but not getting enough sleep killed me and I loved having the night nurse here for a month when we had both girls home together. I got to sleep, felt like a new person every morning when I got up!

RoAnt05

Dsugaree:

I had my Mom here with me when Sadie first came home to help me - the girls are my first so I felt like I needed some help from my Mom especially after all the NICU time. My Mom only spent 3 days with me helping me get used to having a baby! I had Sadie home for 6 weeks before Maxyne could come home. The first day Maxyne was home I hired a night nurse - I think you are nuts only because day time I could handle without a program but not getting enough sleep killed me and I loved having the night nurse here for a month when we had both girls home together. I got to sleep, felt like a new person every morning when I got up!

Did you breastfeed the girls?  I am thinking someone at night would help if they could feed the babies, but my hope is to breastfeed them (with pumping so that DH can bottle feed them) so I would have to be up every x amount of hours anyway right?

Dsugaree

No, I could not breastfeed them - they were too tiny to even hold at first at under 2lbs each at 25 weeks. If I breast fed the night nurse would have been useless I think. Well, I pumped for a few mon. and I ended up sleeping through the night and pumping right before bed and right when I woke up - not during the night while the girls were still in the NICU - I stopped pumping before they came home though - I hated it with a passion! My sister BF and pumps for my new nephew and she is up every 2 hours during the night to not only feed him but to pump - he is 5 weeks old now.

RoAnt05

Decisions, decisions!  LOL. There is too much "up in the air" to come up with a plan now I think.  I guess I will see when I deliver and if they need NICU time and how long.  I can always try it on my own the first night then ask MIL to come stay if it gets to be too much.  Im close enough to her, where I don't have a problem asking at all.  Is a night nurse something I could hire last minute?  Do you get one through your hospital?

Dsugaree

Well I ended up going into Labor and having the girls all by emergency so everything was up in the air. I started researching getting a night nurse after we started to get an idea of when the girls would be able to come home. I got a sheet of information from the NICU social worker listing agencies in the area - I called around until I found an agency and night nurse that fit what we needed - I gave her an estimated time of when I would need her and then I kept her up to date on what was going on and when Maxyne could come home. Yes, you could ask your MIL if you ended up needing her! I would also go on your local nest board and ask for any recommendations for a night nurse in addition to asking the hospital for any information on local agencies. I think you need to get some leg work done to see if a night nurse is something you are interested in and try and find one you think would fit best with you in your home - then make a decision from there - but you need to get all that done and see if one is available - they understand things don't normally happen on schedule with having babies!  I would not leave it until the last min if you are considering it. Good luck!

Temp159135562506975

we have no plans to have anyone here overnight.

I can't stand having overnight visitors - so the last thing i want is someone here when we're trying to get used to our babies.

I don't expect it to be easy- and expect to be exhausted- but I think that Dh and I can handle it.  If anything- we might need to ship off DS for a night or two if he starts to have sleeping issues due to the twins... but i really don't see that as a problem since he STTN so well now and sleeps through any noise... just hope he doesn't change that on us!!

I'd feel guilty having someone here up at night with us... unless it was a paid nurse who's job it was to be up all night - and that would make me uncomfortable having a stranger in my house while we sleep.

pea-kay

i had overnight help when the boys were 3-4 months old (for a few nights here and there) and it was a lifesaver. by then, it's just not fun to get up 2-3 times a night anymore. :P if she's willing to hold off until the babies are older, you'd probably appreciate it more.

RoAnt05

Thanks for all of your input ladies.  I think we are going to see how it goes with just DH and I and if we need MIL for a night here and there for my sanity, Ill just ask her to come over

jen5-03

I confess... with my DD, I was not alone with her for a full 6 weeks. Either DH was home or my mom or my MIL. They didn't help at night, but it was great to have them here in the day to hold her while I slept after nursing.

My BFF has 2.5yo twins and on her first night home she asked me to come stay. She wanted her DH to sleep as much as possible so that he could be on duty more during the day. And we were pretty much up all night - while she was figuring out nursing I was holding the other one because they always seemed to cry at once.

ETA: my mom and my MIL were helpful also because they did all the cleaning and cooking while they were here - they never expected to be entertained.

Kim&Jim

I'll confess too.  My MIL or mom were here for the first 7 weeks.  DH is a man who needs his sleep to function and he was not going to be able to get up with me to help feed them and be able to work the next day.  Neither one expected me to entertain them.  They helped with everything - cleaning, laundry, meals, feedings (even nighttime ones).  It was actually a great bonding experience for all of us.  You have some pretty interesting conversations between 2 sleep deprived people at 4 am!! 

Even with the help, I was exhausted.  They boys were my first kiddos and I was trying to read and figure things out.  I'm much more laid back now!

macchiatto

i would have LOVED to have nighttime help that first week!! (and still )--we were both so exhausted, especially me--but of course it's up to you.

weemodin

I also had full-time help from birth to six weeks -- mom for 2 weeks, inlaws for 2 weeks, SIL for 2 weeks.  It was great.

DH and I took care of the night feedings, but it was great having someone there early in the morning (like 6-7) to take over so I could get some sleep at long last!!  I was bfing/pumping then, too.

I'd take any and all help you can get.