MIL wants to visit the NICU

jenerally

Neither DH nor I are comfortable with this. (It's more for HER sake than for anyone else's!)

DH told her he didn't think it was a good idea and I fully support him 100%. NO ONE has been to see him in the NICU, except for DH and I.

But now I'm feeling guilty about telling her no. Hormones, maybe?

lemen99

Don't feel guilty - you're just looking out for the best interest of your baby! :-)

armo

Whatever makes you comfortable is what you should do.  Also be sure to have a reason in place to tell her - the same reason hopefully that you can give everyone - as to why no visitors.   

We only had immediate family visit.  We are very close to our immediate family and would want them to know what we were going through as nicu parents.  Also realize that having her grandchild in the nicu must be hard on her too - just as your expectations were not realized hers might not have been either. . . it's likely that shes is on your team and may help you ?

Mrs Manners

If you aren't comfortable with it then don't let her.

We personally allowed any of our family who were well to visit if they wanted to. We only allowed my parents, the inlaws, my brother and BIL to hold him. I wanted them to have a relationship with ds and to feel connected to him. It was a special time for them too and I wanted them to be involved from the beginning. I also think seeing him like that gave them some perspective on how "fragile" he was so that even after he came home they were very good about handwashing, not holding him if they might be sick, understanding us not going out or being around other kids, etc.

ijack

Obviously it's your decision and you should do what you're comfortable with, but we let anyone (who was healthy) visit. We wanted people to know what we were experiencing and to treat Emma as normal as possible. After the support and help I received during my pregnancy everyone had a vested interest in how she was doing and I wanted to celebrate that

But, you need to do what's right for you and everyone should respect that

Mrs Manners

Are you in Atlanta? DS was a 33 weeker born at Northside.

april062604

if and when you and DH are ready, tell her you'll let her know. ?you need not spend any time stressing about other people right now. ?your focus needs to be on you, your DH, and dash. ?this is the time to be selfish and protective. ?do not feel guilty. ?she should feel guilty for stressing you and DH out. ?(if you detect any anger i'm sorry, but my MIL and FIL caused the same sprts of problems. ?we actually told them when we did let them in "no holding, no touching, and no pictures...and they tried to ignore our rules).

hollyoid7

DH and I decided on grandparents and godparents and that is it. My nanny was mad at me b/c I would not let her come. I still think she is mad. But I do not give ***. I did what I felt was safe for my boys. The boys doctor said we can say anything and he would back us up. Which was great, when the boys were first born (I HAVE A HUGE FAMILY) they were just about all there for the delivery. The boys doctor said grandparents only on that first day. And he said he would like to tell my family personally, but he knows how people get. They get mad at the mom and dad b/c they can't go see the babies. So he went and told my whole family and explained why. That was the best. No one ask. Except my nanny. She got mad at me b/c DH didn't bring her to see them.?

gymrat

You have to do what's comfortable for you.

We let grandparents visit. My babies were DH's parents 1st grandchildren. Siblings were allowed to visit after my NICU lifted the ban on extra visitors when the measles outbreaks stopped. Then we let a few others visit but that didn't happen until after they were in the NICU already 4-6 wks.

One thing we didn't allow was anyone holding them but us. And looking back I'm sure I let my hormones get the best of me on this one. It was a long time before we let the grandparents (or anyone else) hold them and it was probably longer than necessary. But, I wasn't ready to just hand them over.

mrsjrmiller

When my DS was born the NICU was on flu restriction so only DH and I were allowed. Even if DH was not with me, I could not bring my mom or sisters or anything. After about 30 days they lifted the restriction and I was glad to have visitors. If you are not ready you could fib and say no one else is allowed right now.  I did not let others hold for a long time either. Holding time was precious, I kept all that time for me!

RRHsMom

I agree with everyone else that you and your DH are the only ones who get to make that decision and you have to do what feels right for you in your situation. 

We let my brothers come in on the second day but once Ryan was put on the oscillator (that night) we limited much more.  We were affraid all of the touching, talking, and so on was part of why he because so unstable that night.  After that my mom and MIL would usually come in while I was there once a day for an hour or so.  I was all alone there so I actually enjoyed the company.  FIL is a pedi and would come up whenever he wanted.  He was known to visit at 4am when he couldn't sleep for worrying about DS.  My dad was restricted until Ryan was stable.  He came a few times in the beginning but has a very loud voice and it seemed to upset Ryan so we asked him not to come until Ryan was off the vent and he honored that with out any question.  He is a doc too so he understood.  As far as holding, no one else held him until he came home and I would not change that even if I could.  We had to wait so long to hold him that I was selfish and do not feel the least bit guilty about that.  Do what feels right and don't ever feel bad.

AviatorJJ

im confused? why can't she visit? i understand if you two weren't there but if one of you is there?

*KatieH*

Don't feel guilty. We let people come to see him, but he stayed in his incubator. ?Noone else, besides me and my husband, held B til he was home.?