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Parenting
Bad parenting example
I have a really close friend who is a guy with two daughters (ages 13 and 17) and is on-again, off-again with their mom. He's currently "on again" with her. I have always had some personal problems with her and some opinions on their relationship and whether it's healthy for the kids. I have plenty of examples of behavior of hers that I thought was completely ridiculous, setting a bad example, etc. but I'll leave them out because they're long.
So the 17 year old comes home yesterday and says to her mom "I might get in a fight at school tomorrow". I guess some girl has been talking trash to her for a little while and its escalating. And you know what mom's advice was? "Fight back! " "Don't wear big earrings tomorrow", etc. I guess she told my friend about it last night and he was pissed - telling her that their daughter would get kicked out of school, she should have told her to go talk to a teacher or administrator, etc. Mom's response was - "she has to fight, you want her to just stand there and get beat up?" He never got a chance to talk to his daughter about it and just got a call - yup, she got in a fight at school. Mom talked to the teacher and her assessment was that the teacher was being a b*tch saying that the fight was mutual and the other girl was a little b*tch. Nice. The daughter is suspended for 2 weeks now.
I told my friend - he can't hardly be mad at his daughter. She basically asked her mom permission and got it. Can you ever imagine giving your daughter that advice?
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Re: Bad parenting example
That mommy sounds super Klassy. Watch out for her, next thing we know you will be in a cat fight with her.
My two year old hits sometimes, but I am hoping by 4, she will grow out of it.
No, obviously I would never give my DD that type of "advice". However, a 17 year old who CLEARLY knows the rules at her school, the daughter was the one who chose to fight (premeditated at that) and knew the consequences, regardless of what her idiot mom said about it. Unless this girl is mentally challenged, surely she didnt expect to get out of this by telling the teacher "But my mom said I could!"
Your friend should absolutely be mad at his daughter. I would also urge him to get some outside help from the school or possibly even the courts if he feels the mother is a dangerous influence on his children.
I would agree if my friend would ever actually leave the mom for good. They were split for quite awhile but she's been living with him again for the past year and a half. He just really wishes he had the nuclear family life. When you're co-parenting and living together, you're certainly saying that you don't feel the other parent is a dangerous influence on your kids and IMO you're pretty much making a decision to condone their parenting decisions. Sure, normal parents would discuss things amongst themselves and might disagree, but it becomes a united front unless the kid is explicitly going between parents to get better answers. I don't know, I have a ton of opinions on the type of damage I think their on-again off-again relationship is inflicting on both of their children. I've voiced them as much as I can without overstepping the bounds of my friendship.
That's totally the advice that FIL gave DH when he was little. DH was constantly being suspended, getting in fights with other kids and teachers, etc. It's AMAZING he never got expelled.
I agree with the right to defend yourself if you are backed into a corner (ie, fight or be killed), but I do not agree with fighting back. You can always walk away.