everything feels off

MayBride2B2007

my mom left today and mr. soup is sick.  so, i'm basically a one woman show here and i just feel wiped.  i don't think i've smiled once today.  hadley has literally just eaten, pooped and slept.  i feel like i'm already in a rut. 

i feel so bad for not being happier.  i wanted this baby more than anything in the entire world and now that she's here i just don't know how to do it, how to be a good mom, good wife, and good to myself all at the same time.  i feel like i'm just going through motions.  i feed her (painful most of the time), i change her, i hold her, she sleeps (only on me).  we repeat this throughout the day and night.  she opens her eyes and looks at me.  i kiss her and tell her i love her, she goes back to sleep.

i know everyone says it gets better.  i know it's only been just over 2 weeks.  i just don't know how i get from where we are now to the point it feels good.

**Sissy**

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way, but it really is very common.  I felt this way a lot in the first month or so with DS.  It DOES get better!  It doesn't help with all of the hormones issues that we have to go through after birth too. 

lrngAUS

Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough few weeks.  Maybe its time you speak to a professional? I don't think there is any shame in admitting that you need help from someone who is trained because you might be suffering from post natal depression?  Its just a suggestion but if you are feeling so low it can't hurt to speak to someone who is trained in this area perhaps?

847Christine

Oh, May... The beginning is just so tough.  Don't worry about being a good wife right now.  You'll have time for that when things settle down.  Just take care of the essentials every day.  If DD is still growing at the end of the day, call it a success.  You will smile again.  Very soon.  I promise.  Somewhere in the next 2 or 3 weeks or so, you might even get your first glimpse of DD's first smile.  Then you'll be smiling a TON!  Hang in there!  {{{HUGS}}}

ECUTeacher

Things started to get better for me around 6 weeks and then really by 10 weeks I felt pretty confident. (I'm waiting for something crazy to happy to mix it all up again) Now Austin is awake and happy more than anything else.

bluedahlia

I feel the same way, and my baby is almost one month old. I just keep waiting for it to get better, and I feel so guilty for thinking how hard this is and how I don't think I could ever do it again. I will say that I felt worse those first two weeks, so it has gotten better, but I still feel like we are just surviving not living. I keep telling myself that things will be better when spring is here, and I wonder all the time if I have PPD or PP anxiety.

I hope things improve for you soon. If you have friends who can just be there or help, it might help. I wish I had more/better advice.

justgnat

Hang in there May! Just be determined to make it thru the first 6 weeks and everything will get better (especially the BFing). BIG HUGS!

caymanbride

May, literally Aidan ONLY slept/ate/pooped/peed for the first 2+ months of his life. He was awake maybe 1-2 hours a day until then. I couldn't believe how 'boring' it was, even though I loved him more than life. I just held him for hours everyday...he slept on my chest a lot, so I got a lot of reading done and a lot of DVR watching done! It's NOT a rut -- it's just all they do in the beginning is eat and sleep! Believe me, it changes before you know it. Aidan hasn't slept on my chest in months and I truly miss it. They change and grow so fast, you will miss this stage once it's passed. I FF so that might part of the reason it seemed 'easier' to me, I'm sure BF makes everything more painful and challenging. Everything with a baby is in stages -- it all passes, just tell yourself that!

cherryblossom25

Big (((hugs))) May. It's really hard in the beginning. I was a wreck for about 3 weeks, then I started feeling better, and things got easier after that. I PROMISE it will get better!! We are all here to listen and support you in the meantime!

xoxo

MayBride2B2007

thanks.  i just feel so horribly guilty for not feeling happier.  hadley is a really good baby.  she only cries if something is really wrong.  i'm so lucky to have her.  i just need to work on finding some balance at the moment.  i appreciate the support.

LuckyBride02

I feel exactly the same way ... which makes sense since our babies were born only 2 days apart!

Lithgirl

i had that guilt feeling too! it made me feel even worse knowing how much i wanted a baby. all i can say is that these feelings are normal and as you've already heard, it gets better. (((hugs)))

Sueball1

All I can say is hang in there. You are doing great. It sucks, these first few weeks.

I am just now reading "Secrets of The Baby Whisperer" and she has a great chapter on everything you are dealing with. If you feel up to reading, it might be comforting....

P.G.&A.M.

Oh I wish I had some really good advice. It is so hard in the beginning. And yes it really does get better. If it didn't there's no way I'd have had another. It just gets better day by day, little by little.

vls80

Sweetie, please know that EVERYTHING you just described is 1000% normal. I feel the same way, even though i'm on #2, and completely knew to expect it. It still feels like I'm just getting through each day, and going through all the motions. It absolutely will get better, although I know you must feel that it can't come soon enough. Just remember that everything you are feeling is okay...it's so mundane, and even boring in the beginning (while being completely overwhelming at the same time). It takes some adjustment, but you are completely right in thinking that you have to take care of yourself as well as sweet Hadley....and even Mr soup It will become so much more natural, and you will figure out how to fit "you" in. Don't think that there is anything wrong, or that you are a bad mommy b/c you haven't figured it all out yet. I still feel like i'm having to relearn things about newborns that I already knew...and simply have forgotten. Things will start to transition without you really having to make them...if that makes any sense. you are so not alone, and are a GREAT mommy. Do not forget that!! I hope this is all coherent...I'm typing half asleep right now

Mrs.SPM

Hang in there. I was a total mess until DS was 8 weeks old. The first weeks here horrible. I felt like a broken robot. Once DS smiled at me the first time I melted. It helped so much. It was the best reward and very needed.

The best piece of advice I received was "Just put your big girl panties on and do what has to be done." I told myself that over and over again when things were getting bad. It is the hardest job you will ever have. No one could have ever prepared me for Motherhood. You have to experience it for yourself to understand the gravity of being a Mom. You will find your way too and things will get better each week  ((hugs)).

kelly&marty

Hormones honey, I swear. I hit it hard at that 2 week mark too. It does get better. It does pass. I promise!

Skatcat

oh MAN do I know how you feel. Those first few weeks, all I wanted was for the babies to go to sleep. Then I felt guilty for wanting that.

My sister said it best..one night when I called her feeling depressed and like a bad mom. She said the first weeks are the hardest, because you put SO much in and are getting so little back. 

But then one day in the next few weeks, Hadley will look up at you and smile..like, a REAL smile, not just a gas smile, and it will melt your heart. And then not long after that, she will start to be able to interact with you, and that's when it REALLY starts getting better, because she will start to be a little person, not just a feeding tube.

It happens gradually, but it DOES happen. Honestly, I wouldn't  lie to you. 

cloud9climber

I feel the exact same way. ?You are not alone. ?I hope it gets better for both of us.?

stargirlkate

the first weeks (and sometimes months) are so rough.  its hard to be happy when you are so sleep deprived!  i felt that way for months and totally should have gotten more help then i did.  i wish i had (in retrospect) and will be doing things differenly this time.  its awful being the one woman show.  do you have any friends you can call to come over and just watch hadley while you get a nice shower or nap?  or just to come bring dinner and hang out w/ you for the evening?  i was so grateful to a friend who drove an hour (closest friend i had to me) to make me breakfast and hang out one saturday morning. 

my mom always told me its the worst when you re in a ditch - you cant see any way out of it.  and you dont believe it (i certainly didnt) but you will get out, slowly but surely.  it will be fun, just probably not when you want it to be.   

ocean71506

(hugs) May.  This is another secret of pregnancy/motherhood that no one tells you, just how hard it is in the beginning.  The first few weeks were nothing like I imagined.  It has only been in the last couple weeks that I feel things are finally clicking for me and I am actually happy.  For awhile I felt like I was on autopilot.  My best advice is to try and make some time for yourself.  You will feel so much better and refreshed. Hang in there!