S/O: SAHM/Equality/$?

isabella22

One of the posts below made me think about my childhood.  Did anyone else have a similar experience?  Do you think the average man's mindsets have changed a lot since then?

My mom was a SAHM.  My dad was constantly bringing up that it was 'his' money, that my mom didn't work (despite doing everything around the house, tons of school volunteer work, and raising me and my sister!).  When I got older, I was incredibly annoyed and realized that NO guy would EVER treat me that way.

butterbeansmama

Unfortunately, my dad still feels that way, when it comes to my mom. I hate it but it is what it is.

Oh, and get this. She HAS to work, otherwise he would not pay for her vehicle, insurance, etc. He figures those are her bills and so therefor she should work to pay them.

 

wellfleet04

My parents both worked, so I never had the experience you mention, but I do know that if my husband ever said anything to that effect or treated me like that in front of our daughter I would be furious!  He would never--he considers the work I do at home important, and part of the support system for him to be able to work at a job he likes, go to graduate school, etc and not worry about our kids, our home, etc.

susan1017

I dont think my parents generation thinks in those terms.  They are a bit older and it was expected that women ran the family at home while the men worked.  It was more of a give a take. I never once heard my parents talk in your/mine terms and we were a blended family to boot!!!   Everything was Theirs, jointly, no exceptions, no questions.

Not all old fashioned notions are bad ones. I think the modern approach does not do us any favors in terms of finding value in ourselves even if we happen not to earn a paycheck. 

 

isabella22

It is still, 'yeah, why don't you use your money to buy that/go there'.  My mom told me that my dad's attitude was why she was so supportive/encouraging for me and my sister to get a degree.  She always says that she wishes she could have a career (not that she regrets staying home with us).

ali-1411

My mom was a SAHM but my dad never acted like that.  My mom is actually a bit spoiled, she always got whatever she wanted

JOEBunny

Our relationship does not work like that.  It is our money.  I also have my "own" money from working for 12 years, but I don't spend that.  DH and I have very similar views on money, so it works for us.  We each get a share of the "disposable" budget to spend however we want.  If I wanted to buy a car or some furniture, I would have to talk to him first, but otherwise, I pretty much make my own decisions about what to spend money on.

zigby

I think my dad did to a degree...though I never heard him say the words.  He just seems like he may have given my mom sh!t...though she now works for him and it seems like a great arrangement for them both. He would just mention her getting a job with benefits since he's self employed, never that taking care of us wasn't worth anything.

I could never see FIL saying anything like that to MIL though she only stayed at home when the kids where little and when BIL went to a school that was a day school and not a boarding school and was several hours from their house.  She doesn't work now either, but she worked her as$ off to help put him thru school and to get cheaper tuition for the kids...no idea where DH gets his little attitude, though he's the first one to tell me to not get a job when I actually get sick of his comments.  He was one of the reasons I quit my job when we were engaged b/c he wanted me to be able to do stuff for his businesses and rentals, which I still do.  They just run a bit more efficiently so I don't have to spend as much time on them as I used to.  He may feel under appreciated and lashing out since I tend to bring up what needs to happen and not necessarily that I understand he works his as$ off.  12-16 hr days even on the weekends. (though he usually only works 8 -10 hrs then)

AZ_Erica

My mom was a SAHM and my dad never acted like that.  My mom had 3 kids under 3 and was very busy with us, so my dad actually did a lot of the housework, grocery shopping, etc.  DH doesn't act that way about money at all.  He treats it as working outside of the house is his job, and working with DS and at the home is my job and they are equal jobs.