Frustrated by medical

Mrs.R2D2

Our HS agency required statements from my endo and psych saying I have my insulin issues and depression under control, and that I'm medically stable.  Just little form letters that you have to check boxes, initial and sign.

I passed the medical exam with flying colors, my endo wrote a strong reccommendation of my health and of my mental state.

My shrink?  Has refused to sign off.  Says that he feels that my "continued poor choices" - to live an hour from my job, to work in the field that I do (a little high-stress, but I manage) and to not exercise - show a profound lack of self-respect.  And then added that "little children need their mother at home, not working 9 hour days." 

Then - despite the fact that my primary care doc and endochrinologist say the exact opposite verbally and in writing - the shrink told me I am doing a horrible job managing my blood sugar and weight.  Therefore, he does not feel comfortable telling a SW he supports our adopting.  To which I said, "You are being judgemental, unfair, and ridiculous."  And then he replied, that I needed to stop cussing and being hostile. (?!  If he wants cussing.... )

How bad does it look if I fire him and get a new shrink  asap?  The first HS appointment is in 3 weeks (though we're getting the paperwork together now). I don't even want the SW knowing this dude's name...

rottimom

do you need a psych eval for this agency?  Ours did not require anything like that.

I would fire the shrink 1) this should not be coming out of left field--these should be ongoing topics of discussion in your therapy if s/he feels you are going so awry in your life.  2) this is highly judgmental and mean.  Your therapist should be encouraging you to plan for your future- to use the adoption process as an impetus to take better care of yourself, not berate you for your lifestyle....and deny you a child.

Fire them anyway and find someone who can help you grow, not beat you up.  Challenging your decisions is one thing...you  don't want a yes man...but no therapist should make you feel like crap.

mom2one

We only needed one doc to do our health forms...maybe just submit the one you have?

Mrs.R2D2

I was dumb enough to tell the SW that I take antidepressants (we discussed what techniques my H and i used to deal with pg loss, and that was one of them).  The SW said no problem, as long as my shrink wrote a letter saying I was stable, etc as well. 

Though my primary care doc did check off "No" for "Does she have any psychiatric problems"....

 You know what I am just tired of, is the JUDGEMENTS.  I could understand if I were bipolar and refused to get help, if I had a criminal record or a something... but that is so far from the truth it is laughable.  NO, I'm not a perfect person, and I sure as heck would not be a perfect mother.  But really, there's no such thing!  Even the people I know that hate my freakin guts tell me I'm good with children and will be an awesome mom.  I have been hearing this since I was 14 years old, which is a little more than 1/2 my life.

And the more time I have to spend dealing with this crap, the more time my kids spend alone and crying in an orphanage with nobody to hold them.

triumphantreturnofplanningbug

I'm really sorry you're having to deal with such a *@((@%*head (how's that for swearing, jerkface?).

I don't know how it would look to have someone do a new eval; maybe see if you could see someone else in the practice, so they have immediate access to your files and you don't have to start the entire process anew?  Having been in therapy for more than half my life, that sounds like the sort of shrink I'd be dropping, with a nice long letter to the head of his practice.  His ideologies about parenting are obviously his right, but to tell you that a mother should be home instead of working is unacceptable.  That alone would prevent me from being able to have a productive therapeutic relationship with him.  The added crap about your blood sugar and weight...that's just way, way out of line.  Professionals have specialties, and his is not those things; they are not.his.call.

((hugs)) and crossed fingers that you can get this worked out quickly!

TTCgradstud

Mrs.R2D2:

 Says that he feels that my "continued poor choices" - to live an hour from my job, to work in the field that I do (a little high-stress, but I manage) and to not exercise - show a profound lack of self-respect.  And then added that "little children need their mother at home, not working 9 hour days." 

This is my signal that this guy is not in it to help people but rather to control them.  I have worked an hour from home more then once.  By his logic, no hospital dr should have kids because they are in a high stress field, same for police, lawyers or anyone else who might ever be stressed.  Um someone explain to him that if you live an hour from work, and focus on your work that you might not have time to exercise.  Or you are like me and think that the gym is a modern torture chamber!  

I think that ending your relationship with him because of those responses is completely appropriate, and if the SW were to find out, you can honestly say that he was not meeting your needs and you acted in a way to ensure that you were getting the most out of the therapy.  

CaptainSerious

At this point, I would think it is in your best interest to end your "professional" relationship with him--not because of the adoption, but because I highly doubt you will be able to have a respectful, productive relationship in the future.  Any more money spent on therapy with him would surely be wasted.

MissionImpossible

GAH- I mostly lurk here, but I am an adoptive mom of 2 and also a therapist. I have been through 5 losses, and have been to therapy myself. Your post made me want to tear that guy's head off, for several reasons. 

First, I too worried about aspects of the medical.  Way more than I needed to.  The SW will most likely just need someone to sign off regarding your antidepressants and that they are working and you are using them as anyone would use medication for any condition.  I do not know if your primary care doc would consider taking over prescribing your meds--most will for a short while, if you ask them to.  Then that person's letter would be enough, since they are the prescriber. You can always let your primary care know you are looking for a therapist/psychiatrist for longer term. 

As for that shrink, don't even give him one more co-pay.  I can not imagine someone being such a judgementalasswipe in the mental health field.  If the guy truly felt that way about you, you are paying him to bring that up gently whenever you see him, not drop it like Hiroshima when you need something from him.  He sounds like he needs a kick in the shins.  Honestly, I would break off that relationship asap.  I would never let any SW have contact with someone who is so ridiculous.  Dump him, and use anybody else in the interim.  Anyone would be better than him.

And, can I say, how dare he play God by trying to decide whether or not you can grow your family through adoption?  We had some people pull that crap on us while adopting, and I cut them out of my life.  It is a sad day when you realize people can "control" whether or not you are "fit" to adopt, but they could not do a thing if you were giving birth.  Yes, it is fine to make sure people are not axe murderers who are adopting, but for God's sake, all this over an antidepressant?  As far as I am concerned, the world would be a much better place if a bunch of Paxil was dumped into our drinking supply--everyone needs a little dose now and then...:/

Dump the jerk.  And tell him it is your first move in a LONG STRING OF GOOD CHOICES.  Use his own words.  Tell him you realize HE'S been holding YOU back.  Guaranteed it will make him think...

Good luck, and much love, Jill

PSU-NCBride

I just want to say that this shrink makes me very mad because it deters people from getting counseling when they are going through these really tough times. Our SW asked us how we dealed and we said that we had been going to a counselor to talk about our emotions and her reply was "good for you".?

Also, since when does a shrink start making judgements about working moms? I won't even get going on that one. ?

?

Mrs.R2D2

PSU-NCBride:

I just want to say that this shrink makes me very mad because it deters people from getting counseling when they are going through these really tough times. Our SW asked us how we dealed and we said that we had been going to a counselor to talk about our emotions and her reply was "good for you". 

 

You are absolutely right, and this is what fries my butt every time. The problem isn't counseling, that would be fine; the SW's hesitancy was that I needed meds.  I've been through this before, having a security clearance (speaking of processes that nitpick, judge, dehumanize, as well as punish people for seeking the help they need) - too many people still buy into the social stigma that psychiatric meds mean you're flawed.  To me, it means, I don't make enough serotonin and/or use it efficiently enough to get me through these difficult times... same deal with me and insulin, and no more or less of a bad reflection on me.

Not to mention, in a job interview, when they ask you, what are your weaknesses - they're not looking for you to say, "I have none, I'm perfect", they're looking for signs that you're cognizant of and working on your weak points.  And to me, getting psychiatric help shows that I'm aware of and working on my depression issues.

Of course I'm firing this jerk-off stat, and not letting my SW anywhere near him.  I just don't know how to get around that in the homestudy, you know?