I need help with Parker!

AlishaS

I need help.  Parker is one of those little boys who is just as head strong as you could possibly get and he has always been one of those crazy kids who you couldn't keep out of things, and just did everything because he has no fear.  My husband was like this when he was little, his mom swears that if he was the first he would have been the only because he was so awful....like awful to the point that they stopped getting invited to functions because no one wanted to deal with him! 

 And, I'm beginning to think that we are going on the same path with Parker.  Lately he has been such a handful.  He talks like a 14 year old girl, tells us he hates us, he's gonna kick our butts (and sometimes he says "a$$es"), and he doesn't listen most of the time.  It's like talking to a wall.  He will get so angry sometimes that he will knock things over and last night he started hitting himself in the head.  The other night he had me in tears because he was being so bad, telling me "I'm going to go to the pet store and buy a lion so it can eat you!" (which I kinda thought was funny that he even came up with that!) and telling me he hated me and that I was a bad mom!  And, he saw me crying (which I tried to not let him see that) and he said, "are you crying?" and I said yes and told him that he hurt my feelings and he said, "Good..cry." and got this horrible grin on his face, like I had made his day by crying!  Today my mother in law called and said that he ran out the front door and over to the neighbors house this morning twice when she was feeding the baby! 

We do time outs and we correct him and most of the time it works, but he just continues to say horrible things no matter what we do!  He is a good kid most of the time, but when he isn't...he REALLY isn't a good kid.  He is like Jeckyl and Hyde half the time.  One minute he tells you he loves you and the next he is telling you that he's gonna buy a lion so it can eat you!

 I don't know if this is from the baby or what...but I would assume that it wouldn't be because the baby is almost 5 months old!

Someone tell me that this is just part of the "Terrifying Three's" that people forget to mention!

Schweb

wow, I am so sorry you are dealing with  - could it be a developmental disability - of a behavioral nature, almost like a mild tourettes?

jeffs_baker

How is his sleep?

AlishaS

No, I don't think that it is anything developmental...I think he is just flat out being a brat!

 His sleep is decent most days.  Before the baby was born he took 3 hour naps everyday and went to sleep around 8-8:30 every night and woke up about 8 every morning.  The day we brought the baby home he stopped taking naps all of the sudden...just like that.  And, we figured out that now if he does take ANY kind of a nap (even falling asleep for 15 minutes) he is up all night long and won't go to bed until around 11:00-12:00..which just means hours of fighting him to go to bed because we still make him go to bed at the regular time.  Yesterday he went to daycare (only goes two days a week) and they make him take a nap, so he was up until 11:30...and we were up and down the steps a million times trying to get him to stay in his bed.  I know he needs a nap, but I also cannot have him up until 11 everynight.  Both DH and I are in school right now and we need the time after the kids go to bed do get homework done...and, for me, I believe that kids need to be in bed early anyways.

AlishaS

I meant to add also that if he doesn't take a nap he goes right to sleep with no fight at about 8:15ish...but he is a bear to deal with from about 6-8

JLSBWG

Are you feeding in to his behavior?  Anotherwords, is he seeing you get upset?  I highly recommend the Love and Logic book.   Here is the link - www.loveandlogic.com

 

DaiLyght

On the days he doesn't nap, do you still enforce quiet time? He doesn't have to sleep, but he has to stay in bed and read or something else quiet and low key?

Is it possible he's picking up this behavior from daycare? Has anything changed there recently - new teachers, etc? Are you in a position to send him to daycare more often than twice a week (provided this isn't stemming from daycare)? Maybe the extra structure would be good for him, and it would give you more of a break?

Do you still have my email address? If you want any more info about St George Island or some of the other FL beaches, or even just need to vent, I'm here.
 

jeffs_baker

I just finished reading "Sleepless in America". My friend recommended it because it changed the way their family worked, and it sounds like it would really be applicable to ds. It's a really fast read, and I just borrowed it from the library. It helps with sleep and behavior issues, and is really amazing. Good luck

AlishaS

I do not feed into it at all usually, but the other day I had a bad day and was tired and stressed and it just really hurt my feelings.  I don't know where he is picking this stuff up at.  I have a feeling he is getting a lot of it from my mother-in-laws house because I think she loses her patience pretty easily sometimes and just yells.  And, some of the random things he says I think he might be getting from daycare.  I'm stuck kinda of....I don't know which way to turn because I don't know what in the world is going on with him

Zenya

Where is he hearing things like 'I'm going to kick your butt'? 

I am not sure it's a sleep thing - 12 hours sounds ok.  That's what DS gets (with the same issue of being up until 11 if he naps so he doesn't nap anymore).

when DS goes through an aggressive phase (just got through one) we really heavily model gentle behaviour.  talk about hurt feelings etc.  the whole timeout thing makes him way worse.  when DS is aggressive it's for attention.

wish i could help more.

Zenya

we xp'd. 

sleepless in america is a great book btw.

if your MIL is yelling at him then you need to find a new childcare provider.  

cbidt*sgirl

sounds like his anger and frustration is overwhelming to him and to his care givers, whether that's you and dh or your mom.  It could be environmental or it might be hereditary based on your MIL's thoughts. I wouldn't hesitate to consult your pedi and ask for a recommendation to a child psychologist.  they can evaluate the factors contributing to his behavior way better than any of us could.

jeffs_baker

Zenya:

I am not sure it's a sleep thing - 12 hours sounds ok.  That's what DS gets (with the same issue of being up until 11 if he naps so he doesn't nap anymore).

I thought of the sleep thing because of how inconsistent his days are. SIA also touches on the stresses of life, how they affect behavior in kids, and inconsistent schedules. You could probably get through most of it in one evening.  It might be worth that.

Zenya

jeffs_baker:

I thought of the sleep thing because of how inconsistent his days are. SIA also touches on the stresses of life, how they affect behavior in kids, and inconsistent schedules. You could probably get through most of it in one evening.  It might be worth that.

oh yes that is true!  When DS naps it throws him off for a few days.  I try to make sure he *never* naps.

AlishaS

Thanks for all of the advice.  It's not like it is all of the time, it is more at night time and I don't know if it's hitting me so hard because since I work full time I'm only really with him at his most tired point.  I don't notice it on the weekends at all, he's a total angel.  I love my mother in law to death, but my sister in law and her two kids just moved back in to her home and they are a disaster --my sister in law only communicates by yelling at her kids and I think my mother in law has just picked up on that and yells at them too and then in turn yells at Parker.  I know she has a lot of patience, but, sometimes, like all of us just looses her cool. 

It definitely could be the fact that he does day care two days a week and then my mother-in-laws the other three days.  But, we only put him in daycare because we wanted him to get some socialization with other children besides my nephew, and when he is there they tell me he is so good and plays really well with other kids and shares.  When he is at my mother in laws he is mean to my nephew and they fight all of the time (which I think might be a jealousy thing because they are both obsessed with my mother in law) and he can just be flat out mean to my nephew (who has his moments as well) and too, my mother in law blames Parker for everything even if she didn't whitness him doing it.  We really cannot afford to put him in daycare all week, and are potentially going to be starting him in preschool in the next couple of weeks for the remainder of the school year, and then my DH is home during the summer because he is a teacher.

I appreciate all of the advice, it's a big help.  I'm just stressed because I don't want to be the mom of "that kid" that everyone looks at like, "oh, your poor girl!"