Adoption
HTT Race
I've noticed the comment on this board frequently that people choose IA because of racial concerns... What I am a bit hazy on is the fact that many couples are adopting from China, Korea, South American countries... I am not disputing that race is a concern for some people but is it really as big an issue as we make it? It seems like many are willing to open their homes to children who are not white. I am interested to hear your thoughts on this.
I hope this makes sense. I've wanted to post it for awhile but I always delete because I feel as though I struggle to phrase what I'm getting at.
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Re: HTT Race
Frankly, I think it is an issue for many. IMO, that is why adoptions from Russia and China typically cost twice as much as most adoptions from African countries and/or countries with a majority population of African descent. Sad, but true.
But it's obviously not an issue for many. There are many reasons that go into choosing a country.
I think there's a huge difference between the ability to love a child and the ability to parent a child of a different race.
We adopted from Korea--my husband is Korean, I am not. Our family make-up is precisely what it would be had we pursued bio children. My husband teaches many AA children, and feels there is nothing harder than being an AA young man in America. He did not feel that he had the necessary resources to parent that child. Not to mention the anti-adoption culture we were bucking with his family.
Let's not forget that Asians are often seen as the "model minority"--a stereotype that is as harmful as the many negative stereotypes about other ethnic groups. And I've heard more than one IA parent talk about wanting "a little China doll," which frankly makes me want to hurl.
Why will people spend $40K for a white child from Russia when Ethopia is $20K? Race may not be THE issue, but in America, race is still an issue. A HUGE issue. Or it wouldn't even be a hot topic!
One thing I noticed with DD - she is half French and only 1/4 Hispanic and 1/4 German, but EVERYONE thinks she is either Hispanic or some other "exotic" blend. I grew up with every ethnicity, and dont consider myself to be prejudice or biased in anyway - however - its OTHER PEOPLE you have to be prepared for when adopting a baby that doesn't look like you.
No matter the race, etc. I happen to be blonde, blue eyed. I am Norwegian, Polish, Scottish. Don't get any whiter than me. I have pink skin that gets red hot in the heat - even if I'm not sunburned because I just over heat. I dont tan. EVER. Just red or white are my colors, outside of the million brown freckles that cover my body.
EVERY TIME I go out with DD, I get questions. "What nationality is your husband" or "are you the nanny" or what have you. While I have no problem having a baby that has very olivy complexion and almost black eyes and hair, I seriously get sick of hearing it from strangers. Yes, I know I don't look even 1% like my child, but she is mine.
I can see this being an issue for MANY people. My DH and I have already said we would adopt one more, and don't care about which race - as I am learning to deal with the strangers on the street, but it is hard. It does hurt a little everytime someone points out that the baby isn't from my womb.
And I'm talking about a baby that is still considered caucasian. Her bio dad happens to be 100% French, and his coloring is very dark. Dark hair, eyes, and dark olive skin...STILL CAUCASIAN, but everyone has to point out how different DD looks than me.
Maybe that's why I dyed my hair dark red in the fall. Seriously, questions have dropped off almost 80% and I didnt do anything but darken my hair. I still dont look anything like her. go figure.
Anyway, not sure this is an answer, but it should be considered...people adopting outside of their own skin color, no matter what that is, need to be prepared for the questions.
I am currently pursuing IA. ?I have never understood when people on the board say "People choose IA because of race". ?We are choosing IA for other reasons. ?We are not going to IA to seek out a caucasian child. ?In fact, our child will most likely be Asian. ?I do expect that we will receive questions, stares and some prejudices as a multi racial family. ?It would be naive to think otherwise. ?
To the PP who commented that adoptions from Russia and EE are more expensive than those from Africa.... I have noticed that too. ?In some cases, the EE programs are twice as expensive as the Asian and African programs. ?I suspect that is because of race, although there may be other factors at play there too. ?Possibly health care in the orphanages, the expense of the foster system, etc. might contribute to the cost. ?
I guess my point is that while race IS a factor for many people, I don't think it is fair to assume that everyone who is doing IA is doing so because of race. ?I realize that is not what the OP insinuated at all. ?Many do make that assumption though, and it is unfortunate.?
I have to say that I don't quite understand this. We were looking at IA but had to change our plans for various reasons but we are still planning a transracial adoption. We were open to adopting an African child so why would we not be open to adopting an AA child? But like fredalina and other pp have said, as horrible as it is, it seems that there is less discrimination when adopting any other race than when adoption an AA. child, espcially in the south. It makes me so sad to think that as a society we aren't past this issue.
When I get excited, my little China doll, she says, "ooo, baby, just shut your mouth!"
?I totally want to watch the Wedding Singer now.?