Huge fight...told DH that I hate him

mommy_of_2

DH and I had a huge fight yesterday and I told him that I hate him. I actually said it 3 times and can't believe that I said it. I usually do not use the word hate at all and really dislike the word. Later I apologized about saying it but I added that I love him but do not like him. Ugghhh...like that makes it better.

To start things off our van has been acting funny for the past couple of months and he will not do anything about it. He finally took it in on Saturday and it is going to cost about $2200 to fix it. We do not have the extra $ right now since DH is laid off and I am working part time (Michigan sucks right now) so he said that we will have to park it for a while and can't drive it. So yesterday he was suppose to tear out the shelves in DD one closet and the rods in her other closet so we could put her closet organizers in (DD spend the night at my parents) so yesterday morning he decides he is going to go to the library to use the computer. So DS and I cleared out DD's one closet and I tore out the shelves myself. DH came home and had to go inspect what I had done. He said "I told you I was going to do it!" Yeah he has been saying that since Christmas!

Then DS had his 4 year checkup yesterday (yes, 2 months late) so I told DH that I needed to take the truck to take DS to the doctors and to go pick up DD. His response is "you are not taking my truck! you can take the van" Hello I am not putting my children in an unsafe vehicle just because he wants to be an arse! He said that it is is truck not mine and the van is mine! He said he would drive me to the appt if I needed him to but I was not allowed to take HIS truck. He even said "the truck was mine before I even met you!" ARSE!!!!!!!!!  So I actually called him an arse, which I know I shouldn't have but I was so angry that even after almost 6 yrs of marriage he is pulling this "well it is mine" crap with me. So he called me a ***. I am sooo sick of this sh!t that I am ready to take the kids and leave. So of course today I had to drive the piece of crap van to work because he will not let me drive his truck.

When I ask him to do stuff around the house he gets all huffy saying that "well you only work part time!". I work part time at a doctors office (full time at the office is not available) plus contingent at a hospital) and he said that again yesterday and I told him  that he doesn't work at all and his response was I get unemployment! So that makes it okay to be lazy??!!! I know he is depressed with being unemployed but come on you have to take responsibility and provide for your family! Or atleast do stuff around the house that needs to be taken care of.

I have asked him over and over  to go to counseling and he says I am the one with the problem not him. Ugghhhh!!!!!!!

 Sorry but I just had to vent a little bit!

august0605bride

I'm sorry. ?I think you're onto something when you say he might be depressed-- it sounds like things are pretty rough right now. ?((hugs))

?

Also, I sometimes get blindingly mad at MH, too. ?It happens.?

butterbeansmama

((hugs)). It sounds like a lot of what you said was warranted.

I've got a hot temper and a "big" mouth. I say a lot of things in the heat of anger that I don't mean and that dh does not deserve. I feel terrible afterwards and it's something that I am constantly working on.

 

springmom

Hugs and sorry you are going through this. ?Funny you should post this today. ?DH and I watched Fireproof Sun night and the couple sounded just like what you and your H are going through. ?They do a book called the Love Dare and get their marriage back on track (and live happily ever after because it's a movie :-) ) ?

Anyway, I don't know if you are religious, but you can get the book and do the "dare" which is a 40 day thing to re-establish your marriage and feelings and remind you why you got married in the first place. ?If you are a Christian, there are bible verses that go along with each day, but I assume if you aren't you can just ignore them and just to the dare part. ?Might be goofy, but I would think it is something you can do together if he's not willing to try?counseling?first.

?

?

amanda&rob

Wow, sounds like your marriage really needs some help.  I would really try to get him into some counseling. 

That "mine" crap would never ever fly with me.  What is he 4? 

mommy_of_2

I do love him and want our marriage to work. I want to set a good example for our children too. Alot of our fights start because he thinks I baby our son (who is 4) and I feel like he is too hard on him. He is constantly yelling at him so therefor our son runs to me and I feel the need to protect him. He doesn't yell at our DD like he does our DS. I feel like he is jealous of our son and that really bothers me.  I have been trying really hard lately to be understanding but I feel like he has given up...on doing things around the house, looking for a job, etc. I feel like it is all on me, he thinks I should just pick up more hours at the hospital.

I will have to check into Fireproof, maybe he would go for that since he won't go for counseling. I think that would atleast be a start.

Yes, Amanda, I do think he is 4 not 46! I have told him before that I have 3 children not 2.

ivybug

Hang in there.  My DH was laid off as well and I know it's caused alot of the stress to come out in arguments, especially over petty things.  One thing DH and I have done is each pick one thing we def need the other person to accomplish that day.  This has helped us not have unreasonable expectations and be able to help out in a way the other person approves.  (Not just the old, "I watched the kids for xyz hrs, now it's your turn while I sleep.  Oh and by the way, you need to do the dishes.")  It's good to just have a heart to heart and divy up a list of daily chores.

Sometimes, you need time together just to go out for coffee where you can both unwind and not talk about kids, money, jobs, things breaking around the house (I'm right there with ya on that too).

mommy_of_2

ivy...we did take DS to his appt yesterday and since he got 5 shots DH suggested we take him for ice cream after. We had a great time (even though it wasn't just time with the two of us) and then we went and picked up DD. I do agree that we need to take time for just the two of us and not talk about jobs, kids, house,etc. I think we need to start making our marriage a priorty and remember why we got married in the first place!

I have to get to work but will be back online around 5 today. If anyone else has any suggestions they would me much appreciated!

Thanks ladies! : )

ali-1411

I used to live in Sterling Heights!

I think everyone who lives in MI is under huge amounts of stress, and you need to cut yourselves some slack.  Its a bad time right now.  ::hugs::

Dazz~

Well? Do you hate him?

DandelionMom

(((hugs))) ?I'm sorry. ?MI sucks right now. ?Not only the economy and the news but the freaking weather (who asked for it to get cold and snowy again?!). ?

If you need a good counselor in the area one of my good friends is a counselor over by B'ham. ?I can email you her name if you want.

You're on the right track by making your marriage a priority. ?It can be hard with kids but it is so important. ?

I wonder if he's harder on your little boy because some dads think that their sons will be wimps if they're not hard on them. ?This isn't true and there are other ways to teach their sons "manly" struff (like taking them fishing or teach them to fix stuff). ?Maybe redirect your H along that path.?

GL!?

luckyluvr

Wait, he's in his 40's and doing this? There's depressed b/c you're laid off, and then there's down right idiocy. Why do you keep apologizing for saying you hate him? He obviously doesn't care about what he says to you? People need to stop being sorry all the time for things that need to be said and done. The fact that he would rather you drive an unsafe vehicle makes it clear. My DH is laid off, too, and yes, we fight over little things b/c he's frustrated. But the stuff you're describing is not frustration. As for counseling, you can't make someone do something like that if they're not willing. It's like putting a drug addict in rehab when they don't want to quit...it won't do any good. The only thing to do at this point is to have an open, honest conversation when there is nothing else to distract your attention and no time limit. GL, and don't be so hard on yourself.