soooo...my kids smell like pot again (vent)

amygdala

Now to air my family's dirty laundry, I'm going to go ahead & tell you that my nearly 75-year old dad smokes pot. ?Always has, always will as far as I can tell. ?I think that it's pretty much daily at this point. ?Whenever I've confronted him about it, I've always gotten some vague, dismissive "I'll quit" bs-type response. ?He's currently on probation for a possession charge, but obviously didn't learn his lesson. ?I've given up on any effort to get him to quit. ?I very strongly disapprove, but it's his life. ?Problem is, he also has no sense of smell (weird, I know), so he has no clue that he reeks. ?He came over today & held the kids for maybe less than a minute, then kissed them before I took them upstairs for a nap. ?As I carried them upstairs, I could smell pot on their hair/clothes!! ?I was disgusted & furious! ?I know that if I say anything to him, he'll just sulk & never come see them (or me) anymore. ?He only visits once a week or less anyway. ?Do I just put up with this? ?How bad is this for my kids?? ?To make matters more complicated, he helped dh & I significantly in buying our house. ?I enjoy seeing him &?I want him to feel welcome here, but the smell is just so sickening & even more so when it's on my children! ?Ugh. ?Thanks for letting me vent. ?

gibs

I would never ever let my kids be under his control, or in his vehicle, but you're not going to change him and either your kids occasionally smell like pot from rubbing up against him, or they don't know him. ?As long as he's not smoking it around them, it won't harm them if they smell like it for a while. ?It's gross, I agree. ?But not deadly. ?It's probably better for them to know a 'mellow' grandpa who loves them, and be stinky for a bit, than to not know him at all. People may disagree with me.

amygdala

Thanks. ?It's pretty much what I've resigned to, & I should have said in my post that I would NEVER leave them alone in his care & never, ever will they ride in a car w/him driving. ?

kyluvsaj

This is a toughy.  I would probably google "pot smoke transfer" and find out if the residue could cause any harm.  The only reason I even say this is because of that recent study that came out about cigarette smoke residue causing more harm than originally thought.

If it won't hurt them then I say let him know your kids.  If there is a chance that it could hurt them than you HAVE to talk to him.  Maybe don't come off as nagging but more of a loving type of talk. 

"Dad, I know that you and I disagree on the pot smoking but I have come to terms with it and understand that it is something you have choosen to do.  We really like it when you come over and see us but  I have noticed that when you hold the babies they smell of pot smoke and I looked on the internet and it can cause xxx.  Can I ask you to not smoke right before you come over or keep an extra set of clothes here to change into when you play with them?"

 

april062604

as long as someone else is always with him and the babies i see it being no different than someone who's had a drink or two... marijuana gets a bad reputation, but truth be told, i'd trust a person who smoked a joint sooner than someone who'd just had 2 vodka tonics...

amygdala

kyluvsaj:

This is a toughy.? I would probably google "pot smoke transfer" and find out if the residue could cause any harm.? The only reason I even say this is because of that recent study that came out about cigarette smoke residue causing more harm than originally thought.

?See, this is why I'm conflicted. ?If it just stunk, I could get over it, but I'm sure that it's harmful too. ?So then I feel like a crappy mom for knowingly letting my kids be exposed to toxins. ?Although I really have no idea what I'm talking about since the studies are done w/cigarette smoke & it's not the same as pot smoke (although I'd imagine that neither are exactly healthy). ?WHY did we think that moving close to family was a good idea?!?

Skatcat

I think kyluv had the best response. Pot may be stinky, but generally the level of toxins is pretty low..it depends on how the pot was grown and whether commercial fertilizer was  used on it. Other than that, I believe THC is not transferable through skin the way the nicotine in tobacco is.

However, its your home and your children and you have a right to ask people who visit to comply by your wishes. I think the best thing is to let your dad know you aren't judging his choices, but you'd prefer he refrain before seeing or touching his grandkids. If he is at all respectful of you, he will honor your wishes.

 

CMW

Ditto pp'ers.  It may be smelly but I don't think it is going to harm your children.  Unless he is lighting up in front of them, I would not be worried.  I agree with what april said about trusting someone who had smoked a joint more than a couple of drinks.  But, I may have a skewed view because I'm all for legalizing it. 

Temp159135562506975

my MIL is a chain smoker (just cigs) and when she visits and holds DS he reeks, too... i just change him after she leaves.

We don't ever bring him to her house and she certainly  does not smoke in our house - so DS is never around smoke nor any other 3rd hand smoke other than her holding him- which now that he's older- is pretty rare b/c he doesn't let many people hold him anymore.

I'd just deal with the smell - and as the PP said - just never bring them to his house, never leave him alone with them, etc... but for a visit with you at your home- i don't think the small amount of time he'll spend holding them (esp when they are older) will harm them.

it does suck that it has to be this way.

Traycee1242

I have no advice but was just thinking...

When your kids go away to college (hopefully not in highschool, but I guess you never know these days!) and they are exposed to people smoking pot for the 1st time.... I can see a lightbulb going off in their heads and a smile coming out and thinking "OMG that smells like GRANDPA!!!!"

 

KLyn

at least you know you won't change him... ??I dont' know if pot causes the same issues as cigarette smoke, but like pp said, their are recent studies you can google about "third hand smoke"I've told my entire family, which includes a lot of cigarette smokers, that anyone who smells of smoke when they come over cannot hold the babies unless they wash up and change their shirt (I have a bunch of XXL tshirts on hand just for this purpose). ?I'm anal, but i'm okay with it. ?They've also come to expect me to be very direct on this kind of stuff. ?good luck.

LoveEeyore

Traycee1242:

I have no advice but was just thinking...

When your kids go away to college (hopefully not in highschool, but I guess you never know these days!) and they are exposed to people smoking pot for the 1st time.... I can see a lightbulb going off in their heads and a smile coming out and thinking "OMG that smells like GRANDPA!!!!"

 

LOL! 

Maybe you could get a world's greatest grandpa shirt and get the kids all excited about it and have him put it on over his clothes whil he's there?  Get the kids excited about it and convince him to leave it there?  Maybe even pull him aside and tell him why you got it...

kimby3679

I agree with most here. Since pot is basically all natural, I don't think that you have muc to worry about as long as it is just transfer. Cigarettes are to totally different monster because there is so many toxic chemicals. Never mind that a lot of us were likely exposed to it at some point as babies and are all ok!