woke up with big scary thoughts

BostonGayGal

but it wasn't about work which was sort of cool.?

Some random thoughts:?

I know that as a single mom I will be judged often. I don't generally care about being judged unless it feeds on an insecurity I already have ?(gay-baiting, ditz jokes, short jokes, attorney jokes - no problem). But I am insecure about the wisdom of parenting alone so being judged will hurt.

When my cousin got pregnant again, even after her husband lost his job, it wasn't judged because, well, it might have happened by accident, those things happen. And they will muddle through it together and raise a beautiful family somehow. But as a single mom, there is a smaller support system, less of a cushion. And if I have a problem, it will be my fault. There is no 'accident' here. A problem will prove that my plan was unsound. And it amplifies my deeper fears - am I being selfish to bring a child into the world as a single parent, and - what if I can't do this?

?

(note . . . I realize it isn't certain that if I get pregnant alone that I will be alone forever, though it is more likely. If my life continues on the bizarre loop-de-loop that has characterized the last 33 years, as soon as I plan as if I might be alone forever I won't be -- but if I don't move forward in my life the stalling pattern will affect everything. Example: I will be alone forever, so I bought a condo, and went to law school then immediately met my ex-wife.)?

frootloop

if you go the route your friend suggested (finding a man at a club) ... it could be an accident...... play it off like you werent sure if you were still into women and needa to try a man?

BostonGayGal

yes, I certainly could, but they would take away my pink triangle badge and my toaster

mrskilbride

From someone who did the single Mom gig for 5 years ( just got remarried this past summer), while challenging it is SO rewarding to know that you've accomplished the most important job in life, raising, happy, independent, strong children. When I was married, xDH was not involved at all and now DH is here and involved, but being new to the game, I'm still the Head Coach, so to speak.

You can't keep people from thinking what they think, but I found that when other Mommies saw how involved I was in my childs' lives, how much I care for them and put them as a priority; the fact I was a single Mom was no longer even an issue. Moms seem to have a commom thread in loving thier children and they respect their fellow Moms for that.

Its a lesson I teach my children every day, "you can't make other people thing or not think something, you can only make sure that you treat people the way you would want to be treated and at the end of the day, everything falls into place and you are true to your heart"

Its scary to think of the responsibility of being a Mom, no matter your marital status, sex orientation....its the biggest job in the world but also the most, amazing and rewarding job ever. You can do it and will be great!!!

Happy Valentines Day!  XOXOXO

took79

No, you are not being selfish at all.  You've put a lot of thought into your decision and waited until you were ready. (or are waiting until you're ready) And if you weren't affraid then there may be a problem   Everyone has fears when they make this huge decision.  Trust me that they get worse right about 39 weeks  

  Life with baby is unpredictable at best and there are plenty of married people who parent alone, KWIM. So I say if people are going to judge for being a single mom tell them to Fark off and mind there buiness.

On a side note: I kinda miss my work nightmares now... all mine are about the baby now   Although last night there was a weird dream about fireworks and a cop...

StephanieBride1

BostonGayGal:

yes, I certainly could, but they would take away my pink triangle badge and my toaster

lol. Don't lose that toaster!

I think just the fact that you think about these things will make you a great mom. Yes, some will judge, but that is their problem, not yours. Your child will learn not to judge people. Dual parent households make mistakes too and they live and learn from them just as you will when phantom ginge comes along. I don't want to think about what I've already screwed up in the last six weeks but I know that with each day comes more experience and knowledge. It's a learning experience for all parents. You'll be great!

frootloop

BostonGayGal:

yes, I certainly could, but they would take away my pink triangle badge and my toaster

 

daaaaaaaaaaaamn

WinsyWade

I could never judge a single mom negatively.  I was temporarily a single mom while my DH was overseas for a year.  It was the hardest, most fulfilling job I ever had in my child's life thus far.  I really don't understand how/why others would judge you though because I give all the respect in the world to single moms. 

You will also have a great support system in your mom (parents?) from your post the other day.  My family was the group of people I leaned on while my husband was away.  I can say for certian your mom will be more than happy to take the baby to give you a break  

As Stephanie said, it would be strange if you didn't have fears or worry about having a child.  It is a big change, but it is the most wonderful change that will ever happen to you. 

msmichelleh

Just because you will be a single parent (and like you said, who knows how long you will be single), does not mean you will not have as much support. I have seen two parent families with no support at all, and single parent families with lots of support. It all depends on the family.

There are many places for a single parent to get support. I strongly suggest you try to find a parent's group where they get together for play time for the kids, and adult time for the parents. Also, your mom is your ally. You can tell she cares deeply for you and will be supportive. If you seek support, you can get support. Your fears show that you will be a very caring mother. You want the best, and that is normal.

oh-zysbaby

BostonGayGal:

yes, I certainly could, but they would take away my pink triangle badge and my toaster

No one judges people who are so damn funny.

Just kidding. I was a single mom for a little over 5 years. It's not easy, and occasionally you will get a side eye or two - you won't be wearing a sign saying you are a well educated and successful gay woman who made a choice to be a mother despite the prejudices of society, just like I didn't wear a badge saying I escaped an incredibly abusive situation I had gotten sucked into at the age of 16 and saved my daughter that terrible life.

There are some people who will assume you made a "mistake", got knocked up after too many drinks, made a bad choice in a man, whatever.  YOU will know the truth, as will the people you really care about. Even more, your child will one day know the truth and I'm guessing will be an amazing person because of it. You are choosing to love a child unconditionally, change your life to accommodate another human - what is selfish about that? Will your child face prejudice because his mom (or moms if that comes about) are gay? I would say I hope not, because I would hope that our country will eventually pull it's head out of its collective a$$, but probably is the answer. However - if your child changes ONE mind, or two, or four, about the reality of love and how completely separate that is from gender - what an accomplishment.