Turns out H's security clearance officer pretty much gave out an ultimatum - if we apply for adoption loans and start dealing with a foreign government anytime soon, he loses his clearance and his job.
Me? I'm sick of getting kicked in the face everytime I try to grow our family - got forced out of a job for being PG (the one I lost), then all the BS with nobody wanting to write us a HS, then the second we find someone who is willing, this *** happens. I cannot effing deal with this anymore - A childless stepmom (far worse than just plain childless) career woman is NOT who I am and not who I want to be, but I feel like it's what circumstances are railroading my life into being. I don't know what to do, I am seriously just spent. Spent the last hour cruing in the bathroom, and now I just feel... nothing. My children are going to be put at risk for never being adopted and then turned out onto the street at the tender age of 16 because of this crap.
Going to have a talk with H tonight... if he can't agree to try and reason with this jerk or won't agree to pursue fertility treatments, he's quite honestly, no longer going to be my H - the idea of which is gutting me.
I wish you all the best of luck with your adoptions. I just don't know what to do for our situation anymore.