Having a hard time with this. Please help! (long)

little-peanut

DH and I will be going out for Vday this weekend and we plan on leaving Griffin with MIL.  The original plan was for us to go out to dinner and a movie and possibly someplace to hear some music, then return to her house to pick him up and go home(although I would really prefer for her to watch him in our house, but that is another issue with her).  Over the weekend she offered to babysit him overnight on Saturday and we could pick him up Sunday morning after church.  We have not been away from him overnight yet and I am not sure that I am ready for it. 

There are several things that I don't like about this scenerio.  She puts him down to sleep in an upstairs bedroom away from everything and I know she can't hear him if he cries(which isn't often, but could likely happen in a strange place).  She doesn't take the time to make sure he is tired before putting him to bed.  Sometimes she just lets him cry.  I feel that when she gets tired of dealing with him, she just throws him in the crib and shuts the door.  And lastly, she will be taking him to church with her in the morning and plans on dumping him off at child care instead of having him in church with her.

Now I know that she is not his mother and is not used to dealing with him on a regular basis, but he really is an easy baby to manage.  Do you think my concerns are valid?  Its not that I don't want her to watch him and spend time with him, I just want their evening to go well.  I don't want to be out enjoying a romantic evening out and be worrying that my kid is screaming in his crib.  Also, I feel if we tell her we will pick him up at the end of the evening and go home with him, she will get all pissy and start some sort of crap with us.  I don't know what to do.  

Please help me!  Wouldn't the world be a much better place without MILs?  LOL!

sprads

uummm, that was an easy question. Yes, your concerns are valid.

Just tell her that you aren't ready to spend that much time away from him yet and take your baby monitor over for her to use. You can make it clear what your expectations are without having to really confront her about it.

hav2run

Oh what I would give to have some Mom/MIL drama around here.  And I am sure there would be plenty of it too. 

Your concerns are very valid.  No one can do bedtime quite like mom and dad.  We have had lots of offers for overnights for Brenna, but we have never taken anyone up on it.  Nor do we plan to any time in the near future.  My fears are the same as yours with the routine, knowing they are safe, comfortable, and not crying all night.  I know I would not relax and enjoy myself.  Your fears are very normal.  DS was 4 before I left him for an overnight.

If you are concerned that declining the overnight invite would stir up too much trouble, you can accept the offer and be prepared that your MIL might not listen to your concerns.  She probably won't tell you the whole story about how the night went if she doesn't follow your routine.  You could accept the date night part only, and just pick him up at a set time that night, take him home, and not have to worry about the sleep routine.

  I would choose whichever option will allow you to have the best time with your DH and just let your MIL know she is much appreciated for giving the two of you some quality time alone even if it is just a few hours. 

tiffyr0se

sprads:

uummm, that was an easy question. Yes, your concerns are valid.

Just tell her that you aren't ready to spend that much time away from him yet and take your baby monitor over for her to use. You can make it clear what your expectations are without having to really confront her about it.

I agree with sprads, take your baby monitor so you won't have to worry about her hearing him. 

I'm sure he would be fine staying there overnight, and yes she won't do things exactly how you would, but she's not the mom and that's ok too.  However, if you're not going to be able to relax and be comfortable, just explain (or have dh explain) that you haven't left him overnight yet and while you appreciate the offer, you're just not ready.  Though as for church daycare, he would probably actually have more fun with the other kids than sitting next to her.

futuremrs.inman

I third taking the baby monitor.  That was the first thing I thought of.  Other than that, just try to relax and know that she will take good care of him.  And try to appreciate her keeping DS so you and your DH can enjoy a romantic evening together.  Of course you will think about DS and worry about him throughout the night.  Call to check in if it makes you feel better....but if it will only make you miss him and worry more, then try not to call.  As for MIL putting him in church daycare...I would just flat out tell her if you really aren't comfortable with it.  Reassure her that he will be well behaved and easy to manage if he stays with her.

riabiron

My MIL has requested to keep sophia overnight several times. So far I have had the nursing excuse, but it won't keep up for much longer. Honestly I am much for comfortable with my family watching her overnight (since they keep her during the day anyway). I am not sure how I am going to broach this with DH but I have some time. We have agreed to an overnight outing for our anniversary in September.

MelissaMc22

I completely understand your anxiety about this, it would make me nervous too! The bottom line is, no one can take care of your child like you can.

I agree with the PP, taking the monitor would be a big help, at least then you know she would hear him. Also talk to her specifically about his routine, maybe make a list....and be sure to call to check in.

All in all, try to remember that all though she may not do things just as you planned, she does love Grif and will take good care of him. (Easier said than done, we haven't taken this plunge yet either!)

Another idea: would it be possible for all of you to stay the night before? This way you can see how things would be for Griffin and she could witness first hand how you handles his routine?

Good luck!

shellbug79

I would say to bring the baby monitor but unless you plug it in when you get there most likely she won't use it.  I would also tell you from experience that if you are not comfortable with Grif spending the night then go pick him up.  You will worry all night & not enjoy yourself & also you will not sleep that night b/c you are worried about him & then when you do go pick him up you feel feel miserable the rest of the day from lack of sleep.  Just explain to Mike & your mother in law that you just can't do it yet, I'm sure Mike will understand, who cares if your MIL doesn't.  I would also be totally against leaving him in the churchs daycare, especially b/c you could be with him instead of "strangers".

Michelle

little-peanut

Thanks ladies.  I feel somewhat better about the situation.  I didn't mean to read DH's email this morning but it was on the screen when I sat down.  Apparently she thinks I am being totally unreasonable and now she is just being childish about the whole thing.  I don't think Griffin will spend the night on Saturday with her.  To be totally honest, I would feel more comfortable leaving him with our neighbors than with MIL.  Maybe one day I will feel more relaxed about leaving him, but not just yet.  Anywya, thanks for letting me vent.

LoriZ

Your concerns are totally valid.  And I've met your MIL.    I'm sure everything would be fine, but it's a pain she won't come to your house so Griffin would be in his normal environment.  We don't put Allison in the nursery at church, either, but he would probably have a blast in there.  I think whatever you decide to do, your MIL should understand.