HHT: Kinship care

CaptainSerious

Due to popular demand ...

What do you think about states' efforts to first try to place children in foster care with relatives rather than approved foster families?

MsBlake

I think that is in the best interest of the child in many cases.... especially if their parent(s) have a chance of getting them back. At least they are able to build relationships there. In some ways, I think the transition may be easier for some of the kids.

TTCgradstud

I think Fredalina said it very well and I agree with her points completely. 

I also think that maybe it should depend on why the children are in foster care.  If there are issues in the family or possibly that the parents might not respect boundaries if family is involved it might not be in the child's best interest. I do think that it should always be about the child's interests first and not necessarily that someone related to them crawls out of the woodwork and they are placed there just because of a blood connection.  Especially when foster parents are properly trained to deal with a child, when a distant family member may not be.   

BurkeJax

I so agree with point # 3...it is not fair to up root the child again to move to Aunt Suzie in Iowa that they have never met. That is just so sad.

CaptainSerious

fredalina:

2) Relatives should be scrutinized as thoroughly as non-relatives before placement, and any issues that may have contributed to the parent's current situation should be considered.  Not that i think parents (i'm talking about the grandparents here) are always responsible for their kids' actions at all, and "bad kids" can come from good parents.  But there are certainly factors like alcohol or drug abuse in the family or domestic violence, or even how people handle their tempers, that can contribute to the same things that got the child removed from mom/dad's home.

Thank you for your thorough response, Fred.  I think you laid the issues out really well, far better than I could have.

My concern with kinship care is this:  although its true that "bad kids" can come from good parents, it's just as likely that they are "bad" because of how they were raised.

It makes me furious when I see a family in which the grandparents are raising more than one their children's children because the middle generation keeps getting into trouble.  I know several families like this (where all or most of the middle generation has had children they can't care for and the grandparents have custody), and it makes me want to scream.  If they "screwed up" their children, what makes anyone think they can do better with their grandchildren?!?

come*on*baby

i think its great if its the right fit, and i agree that they need to look at the relatives under a microscope just as much as they would look at a non-relative.

 

my previous sibling placement went to a good home with their aunt and grandparents. i receive pictures from them on a weekly basis. although in the pictures A seems very sad, i know that he's being taken care of, and i know that their aunt reminds them of the home they had here.

pinkwedding05

From what I have seen kinship care has been great, that's just my experience so far.  However, I don't believe that they have enough hoops to jump through (can't believe I just said that). Some of the foster parents that I have seen that have received children because of an emergency, simply aren't equipped to deal with some of the behavioral issues that can come along with fostering.  I can understand placing them with family in the beginning, and then asking the family to work toward their license.  It's just been my experience though that they haven't followed through, and the system hasn't required them to. 

I also know grandparents (ages 77 and 78) that have taken in two grandsons.  They really have no business having two teenage boys in their home that have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder.  The boys are actually in danger in their home.   

KaliChick

I'm a total lurker ... I read because I own a preschool and have children that were adopted (one is an AA child being raised in a caucasion family) ... so I read occasionally to see what issues are important, etc.

That being said, I have a set of twins being raised by their grandparents currently enrolled.  They were not removed from the mothers care, but instead the mother asked the grandmother (her mother) to care for her children when she was unable.  The children are 3 and have been with the grandparents since they were 15 months.  The grandparents have legal guardianship.

Since the children have never gone through "the system," the grandparents receive little support.  The children do qualify for state health care and they receive a small amount of support monthly from the state (it doesn't even cover half of their tuition at preschool).  She also receives WIC.  However, she cannot seem to qualify for state funded preschool coverage because 'she makes too much money.'  In the mean time, the grandparents are literally going broke trying to raise these children.  Between attorney's fees (the mother took them back to court for more visitation and the judge granted it even though she had no business having them ... lots of reasons ... and 6 months later the judge revoked it), preschool, food, clothing, etc, while the mother receives free legal support, etc.  She gets visitation when she doesn't have a place to live. 

In some respect I feel it's not good that the grandparents have custody because there is so much hurt and anger on all parties (the mother has literally told me she doesn't respect anything the grandmother does) and on the other hand it's good because if they were in the straight foster system I don't think they would have as much access to their mother.  Then I swing the other way again because she has definitely caused damage by being involved and I think again, if they were in the foster system that she would not have access at all and that could be better for them. 

At the end of the day I think it's best that they are with the grandparents and not being passed through the system.  However, it's certainly not without it's faults.  I think this is a unique situation though because the CPS did not remove the children from their home and so many services are unavailable to them.

Sorry for the long winded reply ... I'll go back to my lurk status.

 

Sally J

I think it is absolutely the right thing for the state to attempt placement with family before the kids enter the system.  In many cases this is a better arrangement for the children because it keeps them with familiar faces plus gives them access to their birthparents in a unique way.  However this should only be done if the families are indeed a safe place for the children.  If they aren't I think foster care is a better situation.

My daughter is also my niece.  This has been a difficult at times with family relationships since I am now mommy instead of auntie and vice versa for my sister.  I think it will be an ongoing process for all of us.

Trust me, we had to 'jump through all the same hoops' before our daughter was placed with us.  It was an accelerated timeline, but we had background checks, a homestudy done, and our financials reviewed.  We have had to go through a more rigorous process to finalize the adoption that includes medical physicals, classes, and references.

I don't know how I feel about that part being absolutely necessary before kinship placement...I didn't have to do any of that to get pregnant and have my son.  Just seems like if it's so important for kinship placements to have everything done like foster parents do, then why don't all parents have to do it no matter how they grow their family??  I don't know, could be a double edged sword...if all families had to do it before expanding their family, then there might be fewer options for those families who choose adoption--sometimes someone's mistake/regret/limitations is someone else's blessing.

come*on*baby

KaliChick:

I'm a total lurker ... I read because I own a preschool and have children that were adopted (one is an AA child being raised in a caucasion family) ... so I read occasionally to see what issues are important, etc.

That being said, I have a set of twins being raised by their grandparents currently enrolled.  They were not removed from the mothers care, but instead the mother asked the grandmother (her mother) to care for her children when she was unable.  The children are 3 and have been with the grandparents since they were 15 months.  The grandparents have legal guardianship.

Since the children have never gone through "the system," the grandparents receive little support.  The children do qualify for state health care and they receive a small amount of support monthly from the state (it doesn't even cover half of their tuition at preschool).  She also receives WIC.  However, she cannot seem to qualify for state funded preschool coverage because 'she makes too much money.'  In the mean time, the grandparents are literally going broke trying to raise these children.  Between attorney's fees (the mother took them back to court for more visitation and the judge granted it even though she had no business having them ... lots of reasons ... and 6 months later the judge revoked it), preschool, food, clothing, etc, while the mother receives free legal support, etc.  She gets visitation when she doesn't have a place to live. 

In some respect I feel it's not good that the grandparents have custody because there is so much hurt and anger on all parties (the mother has literally told me she doesn't respect anything the grandmother does) and on the other hand it's good because if they were in the straight foster system I don't think they would have as much access to their mother.  Then I swing the other way again because she has definitely caused damage by being involved and I think again, if they were in the foster system that she would not have access at all and that could be better for them. 

At the end of the day I think it's best that they are with the grandparents and not being passed through the system.  However, it's certainly not without it's faults.  I think this is a unique situation though because the CPS did not remove the children from their home and so many services are unavailable to them.

Sorry for the long winded reply ... I'll go back to my lurk status.

 

most, if not all, do not get monetary help for a kinship placement from the state. and if they do it's only for the first 2-3 months, and many times that would be the reason why the kinship doesn't work out because it becomes too much for some people.

KaliChick

come*on*baby:

KaliChick:

I'm a total lurker ... I read because I own a preschool and have children that were adopted (one is an AA child being raised in a caucasion family) ... so I read occasionally to see what issues are important, etc.

That being said, I have a set of twins being raised by their grandparents currently enrolled.  They were not removed from the mothers care, but instead the mother asked the grandmother (her mother) to care for her children when she was unable.  The children are 3 and have been with the grandparents since they were 15 months.  The grandparents have legal guardianship.

Since the children have never gone through "the system," the grandparents receive little support.  The children do qualify for state health care and they receive a small amount of support monthly from the state (it doesn't even cover half of their tuition at preschool).  She also receives WIC.  However, she cannot seem to qualify for state funded preschool coverage because 'she makes too much money.'  In the mean time, the grandparents are literally going broke trying to raise these children.  Between attorney's fees (the mother took them back to court for more visitation and the judge granted it even though she had no business having them ... lots of reasons ... and 6 months later the judge revoked it), preschool, food, clothing, etc, while the mother receives free legal support, etc.  She gets visitation when she doesn't have a place to live. 

In some respect I feel it's not good that the grandparents have custody because there is so much hurt and anger on all parties (the mother has literally told me she doesn't respect anything the grandmother does) and on the other hand it's good because if they were in the straight foster system I don't think they would have as much access to their mother.  Then I swing the other way again because she has definitely caused damage by being involved and I think again, if they were in the foster system that she would not have access at all and that could be better for them. 

At the end of the day I think it's best that they are with the grandparents and not being passed through the system.  However, it's certainly not without it's faults.  I think this is a unique situation though because the CPS did not remove the children from their home and so many services are unavailable to them.

Sorry for the long winded reply ... I'll go back to my lurk status.

 

most, if not all, do not get monetary help for a kinship placement from the state. and if they do it's only for the first 2-3 months, and many times that would be the reason why the kinship doesn't work out because it becomes too much for some people.

Yeah, it's really sad ... the grandmother does NOT want to give them up, but if this continues she will have to because she can no longer afford the attorney's fees, etc.  If they go back to the mother right now it will be a disaster ... maybe someday but not right now.  It's really clouded my judgement of the system.

 

CaptainSerious

Sally J:

I don't know how I feel about that part being absolutely necessary before kinship placement...I didn't have to do any of that to get pregnant and have my son.  Just seems like if it's so important for kinship placements to have everything done like foster parents do, then why don't all parents have to do it no matter how they grow their family??  I don't know, could be a double edged sword...if all families had to do it before expanding their family, then there might be fewer options for those families who choose adoption--sometimes someone's mistake/regret/limitations is someone else's blessing.

The government doesn't have the right/power to tell a person they can't get pregnant--it's an inalienable human right--but it has the responsibility/duty to ensure the homes that they place children in are safe.

come*on*baby

i'm sorry, kinship and relative placements can differ. kinships sometimes are friends of the family, and those do sometimes receive a certain amount of money from the state for x amount of time. relative placements do not receive any money from the state.

 

*i thought about this afterwards!

Sally J

CaptainSerious:

Sally J:

I don't know how I feel about that part being absolutely necessary before kinship placement...I didn't have to do any of that to get pregnant and have my son.  Just seems like if it's so important for kinship placements to have everything done like foster parents do, then why don't all parents have to do it no matter how they grow their family??  I don't know, could be a double edged sword...if all families had to do it before expanding their family, then there might be fewer options for those families who choose adoption--sometimes someone's mistake/regret/limitations is someone else's blessing.

The government doesn't have the right/power to tell a person they can't get pregnant--it's an inalienable human right--but it has the responsibility/duty to ensure the homes that they place children in are safe.

I agree with you.  I guess it brings up a second topic:  Should you have to get a license to become a parent, even for pregnancy?