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Adoption
I'm a birthmother-to-be...
It's probably early for me to be making this choice, but I know it's the right one.
The problem is, i don't know who to trust right now, and I figure who better to know the answers, than women who are looking for a baby like mine for their own?
If I am insulting you by being here, please tell me, and I will leave...
I'm trying to find an adoption agency that is legit. There's so many hits online, and some look professional, and some look really cheesy and fake. I avoid the second type. But who knows, maybe the pro ones are shady, and the ones without proper web design are the really heartfelt and honest ones. I don't know.
If you lot can help me out with this, I would be eternally grateful. I need to start this as soon as I can, before I freak out and possibly do something I will regret even more. I'm not in a very good state right now, so starting on the path to knowing my child will be in a good place will set my soul at ease.
Thank you.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I'm a birthmother-to-be...
This is the right place for you. Please know that so many of us are all for ethical adoptions and I know that many of the women on here have done their research in hopes of finding reputable ones.
I am an adopted child so I don't have enough info to help with finding the best agency but I didn't want to read this post and not say anything at all. This board is wonderful and we're here to lend an ear if that is what you need. Wishing you all the best.
Thank you. I need all the kind words possible at this point.
fredalina, I'm almost entirely alone in this. I'm terrified to tell my family after all they've done for me. It's like asking for too much, to me. Which is why it's tearing me apart... I hope you also reach your goals. Maybe we may even cross paths, which would be nice. I've been lurking, and you seem so kind.
I'll second what fredalina said--just start looking and talking to agencies, and see what feels comfortable to you. It looks like you have some time to make the decision, so if it takes a little while to talk to people, then so be it.
Please feel free to ask your questions or vent your frustrations, or whatever you need here. I'm not very far into my adoption journey (haven't even decided if that's the road we're taking), so I don't have too many words of wisdom for you, but I would say get yourself as educated as possible, find an ethical agency, and take advantage of any counseling that is made available to you (or get your own independent counseling, too). My heart goes out to you - please take care.
Hi,
I just wanted to say that you are more than welcome here.
There are a lot of great agencies out there. When we looked for a good agency we wanted one that treated expecting mothers with respect and care. We wanted an agency that would provide independent legal counsel, and counseling services. Everything I have read from birth mothers and psychologists indicates that the counseling services might the single most important thing before making your final decision, during your pregnancy, and after placement and finalization of the adoption.
I don't want to advertise my agency on the board, but if you are interested in information on the agency we are using I would be more than happy to pass along the name via email.
I wish you lots of luck and love through your journey no matter the decision you make.
Please feel welcome here, everyone on this board is so kind and helpful.
I would be happy to give you information on the agency we are using, we are extremely impressed with their professionalism and honorable qualities. you can just let me know if you want it, no pressure
I sincerly wish you the best of luck.
there's tons of very reputable agencies out there! maybe just start in your area or a bigger city around you (if you're in a smaller city of course!). i know there's an adoption consultant that posts on the boards that could be helpful to you as well as everyone else. i understand trying to figure out which are shady and which are the ones to trust. we're having to switch to another agency and we've had to weigh our options.
just know that you've made a wonderful choice if you have chose not to parent. i would encourage you to find someone to have a support system to talk to, to help you, etc.
i know everyone else has said it, but you're very welcome to be here. we all are in different situations (adopted as a child, adopting a child, foster care, etc.) i also encourage you to ask any questions you need. strangers can be great support as well.
Welcome! I agree with PP's, just start talking with agencies in your area and go with who you feel comfortable with. Can I ask you where you are located?
I wish you luck in your decision and I know things will work out for you. Please keep us posted and you have found a great group of women here to talk to. We all support you obviously!
I'm a mom through adoption and my mom placed a child for adoption before I was born, so I feel like I have a unique position. Much as I am all for the rights of adoptive parents, I am also firmly positioned in the court of the birthparents. This is your child until you sign termination papers - if you have the means to parent, don't let anyone talk you out of it. If you want to parent, don't let anyone pressure you otherwise. It is your decision, and if you feel pressured, you should go to another agency. You can walk away at any time.
If you are determined to proceed with making a plan for placement, The agency you go with should have your best interests in mind, and they should offer counseling. One of the things I love about our agency, is that our daughter's birthparents are offered lifetime counseling. They have a 24 hour number to call and are given every option available to them. We chose them because we wanted an ethical adoption, and didn't ever want to feel like we tricked or stole a baby from someone.
You might ask what classes or training they offer potential adoptive parents. In our experience, the more we knew about the process, the more determined we were to make it as ethical as possible. Don't just go with the first place that you talk to, make sure you talk to a few different agencies. Also, and this is my opinion ONLY, I would stay away from private or attorney adoptions as they aren't always in the best interests of the expectant/birthparents. Again, just my opinion. If you have any questions or if you are in the Chicago area and want the name of our agency, PM me. If you need to talk, I would be happy to do that as well. Good luck, whatever you decide.
Hello, and I, too, welcome you to the board. I can't imagine all the concerns and fears you must be grappling with right now, and I know you need a place where you can feel supported and can look for guidance. Since we don't have a lot of birth/first mothers here, this may not always be the best place for you to get information, but we will always do our best to point you in the right direction and/or tell you where you might find more information.
It might help for you to get an introductory book to adoption, such as The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption (the one I used) or Adoption for Dummies. Either of these books will not only give you an idea of what to look for in an agency if you do decide to develop an adoption plan, they will help you understand all the benefits, issues, and concerns that come along with adoption. Hopefully, they will give you a good start to understanding the ramifications of proceeding with adoption.
Another thing you might want to consider is finding a local adoption support group in your area. These groups are designed to help people work through the emotional side of adoption, and offer a safe place to talk about everything you're going through and get information. If you can, try to find a group that strives to include all three branches of the "adoption triad": birth/first parents, adoptive parents, and adopted children/adults. I think you may find a more supportive, understanding environment in such a group, and that you would be less likely to feel any pressure to choose one path over another.
Whatever you decide, we are always here to "talk." I have found the women on this board to be a wonderful support and sounding board, and have learned much from talking with them.
I wish you the best during this difficult time, and beyond. May you find peace in your decision, whatever it is, and live a happy, healthy life.
Oh absolutely. I agree with you completely. I think that most of those who post regularly are already on our own paths and have enough knowledge to not do this. I suppose for those that lurk only and never post or post rarely might need this reminder.
I don't see the point of being rude or discouraging someone who represents one of the aspects of adoption from asking questions or talking here. If she is fake then that will become clear. If she isn't then perhaps she now is armed with information to help her start her own journey.
I completely dislike the mother-hen comments on this thread. IMO
Welcome and good luck to you! No matter what path you choose, make sure you have the counseling available to you that you may want or need later down the road, even if you don't want it right now.
Best of luck to you!
I agree that you are welcome here especially as you are just looking for information, which is the point of a board like this.
My only additional advice for finding an agency that is reputable is possibly contacting either the guidance department of a local high school or college to see if they have agencies they have had good experiences with. That would give you a reliable source for a recommendation from the birthparent side. Alternately, meeting with a local clergy person, even if you aren't religious, as they may have experience with local agencies as well.
I can't imagine what you are going through, but I wish you the best of luck finding an agency and making a choice that works best for you and your family.
I think it's great you're starting the research so early, if this is something you think you'll want to do.
The bmom we were matched with (and fell through for us) didn't tell anyone she was pg until just 3 weeks before she had her baby and everything was thrown at her so fast she hadn't made any final decisions before it was too late and she had the baby.
She was in SUCH a tough place and ended up parenting her child though it wasn't what she wanted for her life (her words). I think that taking the time to research and make solid decisions is in the best interest of both you and your child.
Good luck with everything and this is a great board.