My BIL spilled the beans to my mother...WTF! *long*

sweetyface77

So a little back story...my mother and I DO NOT have the greatest relationship.  My mom and I have never seen eye to eye and she always told me that I was more competition for her than a daughter (nice...real nice)...Anyway, I haven't spoken to her since Sept of 2007.  The long and the short of it, she HATES DH and hates me for not taking her advice or her side regarding the relationship.  I told her she was clearly in the wrong, has no right to speak to either one of us like this and that was the end of it...Haven't spoken to her in 16 months.  So naturally, I haven't come up with a good way to tell her about the baby.

Fast forward to this past weekend.  My sister was over my mom's house with my BIL, my nephew and my brother and SIL.  We were invited, but my mother's house is not neutral ground, so I declined.  My brother started talking about Mexico and his wedding (he eloped back in July but wants to have a traditional wedding at the end of the year).  Well, my brother was mentioning that he was going to push it out a while and my dingbat BIL says, well you don't have to do that.  Your sister (meaning me) is due when...this summer...and he just kept going on and on and on.  My mother finally caught on while my sister is telling my BIL through gritted teeth to shut up.  They spent the rest of the night having strained conversation as my mother became painfully aware that everyone else knew except for her.

Now my question is...should I reach out to her and tell her?  I won't apologize since I did nothing wrong, but I DO feel bad at the way she found out.  Thoughts???

icyblueeyez19

I think she should call you. If she doesn't, then she obviously can't get over the past and she doesnt deserve to be a part of all this.

rbidi

Honestly if you don't have a good relationship and haven't spoken in over a year, then you don't need to reach out to her. She should reach out to you, because this should be evident just how bad things have gotten, if you have felt the need to not tell her this long.

lennonlover

I wouldn't worry about it...it was bound to get out anyway.  She should be reaching out to you, now that she knows.  Don't feel bad...it's not your fault she found out like that.  I would wait and see if she calls.

The New Mrs.

Yikes! Touchy subject. Maybe just tell her that you were sorry she found out the way she did but you really wanted to be the one to tell her and just hadn't known how to yet... GL! Tell us how it goes.

Hi725

I haven't spoken to my mother since May 2005. If you don't speak to her, then you did nothing wrong by not telling her about the pregnancy. What were you supposed to do, call her out of the blue and say "Hi, I haven't spoken to you and 2 years, and I'd like to keep it that way, but I thought you should know I'm pregnant"? If you don't want her in your life, you don't want to open the door by calling her and giving her this information.

Mrs_mam

I wouldn't contact her. The phone goes both ways, and just because she calls doesn't mean it's going to mend fences. For all you know she'll call and be mean to you and your DH again. Who needs that?

HDxNxJ

I am in a similar situation with my father... I have yet to tell him.  I haven't spoken to him since he left my wedding in May.

I still haven't decided what I am going to do to tell him!

GL!

Jason'swife

icyblueeyez19:

I think she should call you. If she doesn't, then she obviously can't get over the past and she doesnt deserve to be a part of all this.

I agree. She should call you. Maybe this will be a little bit of a wake up call for her.

CalinsBride

If you did reach out and tell her, that would be a very gracious thing for you to do. We are having the exact same issue with DH's parents, havent spoken to them in 11 months. They will not find out about the baby until we send them the birth announcement (or someone else lets it out of the bag--but we live in a different part of the country now so thats not as likely). Our reasoning for this, though, is because they have NEVER been supportive of our relationship or of me at all, and they insisted their whole reason for not wanting us to get married until we were 30 (we started dating when we were 19!!) is because they don't think we should have any kids in our 20s. . .so we know the news would not be well-received, and are not interested in adding any more stress to this already stressful time by having them call or write and harass us about how DH should quit school and get a dead-end job or else we should not have/keep the baby. If you think your mom would be happy for you, it might be okay to tell her. . .only you really know the whole situation.

blairsgirl

Mrs_mam:

I wouldn't contact her. The phone goes both ways, and just because she calls doesn't mean it's going to mend fences. For all you know she'll call and be mean to you and your DH again. Who needs that?

I agree.

~BeesBoo~

I have the same sort of strained relationship with my father.  He does know that I am expecting because my g-ma told him, but I guess he is upset that I have not called him after my doctor's appointments.  This is the same man who never told me that he got married last year. 

My thought is that the phone works two ways.  The opportunity is just as open for either party to take the first step up.  In my situation, I am not taking that first step.  Not now anyway.  Maybe down the line sometime that is possible, just not now. 

I am not sure I know what to tell you to do.  Good luck with your situation.  I understand how hard it is.