His ex on Facebook

hmb-bride

So my husband's new obession is facebook. I don't have a problem with it, until now ,he let's me look at it. So I was checking out his facebook and noticed that he has his ex girlfriend as a friend. I know it may seem silly but it bothers me that he finds the need or? that his ex even crossed his mind or vice versa.? Another thing that really bothers me is the fact that we had gotten in to a big fight less than a year ago about him adding her as a friend on his myspace, I ended up deleting her, and he does this again.

Why is it soo worth it to him for me to be uncomfortable and go through the same fight again? I feel like for him he would rather keep her as a friend to keep in contact with her? than it is for his pregnant wife to be happy.

I trust him but I hate the thought of him feeling the need to chose to have her as a friend over? my feelings. Also he spends hours on Facebook.

camrah16

have you asked him about it?

TimsMayBride

hmb-bride:

I trust him but I hate the thought of him feeling the need to chose to have her as a friend over  my feelings.

I'm not so convinced that you do trust him.

starshell

Everyone's situation is completely different, however, I do believe trust is a big part of marriage. (Again, I don't know the dirty details but that's my thought).

My DH and I are pretty open about ex's and we believe they are part of who we are; not that we want to invite them over for dinner every week or anything like that. I trust DH more than I trust his ex's as I don't know them. But in sort of an odd twist, my DH dislikes FB and I love it. And one of his ex's is a "friend" of mine. She IMd me about how much respect she has to let her see into our life, etc, and she seems OK. She's going through a divorce right now and lives in another city. I see her status now and then and she can see our family pics which doesn't bother me.

So for us, trust is where it's at. Good luck!!!

Chrysallys

I have a couple exes on my friend's list because I still consider them friends. I know a lot of people that are still friends with some of their exes. My DH trusts me and has even met a couple of them.

To me, it doesn't sound like you trust him all that much if he can't even have her as a friend on Facebook. Or is it a jealousy issue?

mommy411

I'm thinking that you don't trust him..My DH has his ex's on facebook...I do too! I have even asked him to go threw all the chicks and tell me which ones he fooled around with...I think it is funny to see the girls he was attracted to.of  course some of them are not to good looking now but I find it amusing...It doesn't bother me at all....at least he told you or let you go online to look...he isnt hidding it from you...

Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him..if not don't worry it just pushes them away..SILLY

hmb-bride

I have talked to him about it and he thinks it's silly. And asks me why I don't trust him. I do trust him and do realize that I am inscure and feel so vunerable especially now. I can't help but compare myself to her and think that he might have some regrets about not being with her.

I have had to exes in the past leave me for their exes.

On this ex was on DH myspace she would comment on all his blogs on ask about his mother it really urked me.

The bottom line is if my DH had felt that uncomfortable about an ex I was in contact with I would delete them pronto as a friend. It wouldn't be worth it for me.

HeyyRed

You trust him BUT... But negates the trust. You clearly don't. Perhaps you should first look at why you are insecure because those are your feelings. He obviously doesn't have an issue with having her as a friend on his facebook, it doesn't mean that he meets her for lunch once a week. Sheesh. I have so many friends on there that I rarely even talk to including half a dozen ex-boyfriends.

My Ex-fiance is even on there and I talk to him here and there. My husband doesn't care he knows what's what and I've got nothing to hide either.?

berry25

I think your second post really says it all - you do trust him, but feel vulnerable right now and insecure, not only b/c of your past but maybe also the pregnancy hormones. I'm with you - I don't think it's that big a deal that his ex is a facebook friend (I'm sure he has zillions), but given that you asked him not to add her as a friend, he should have respected that and I think it's not cool that he didn't.  I don't have any advice, just sympathy.  Just try to remember that he chose YOU and loves YOU.  He is not those exes you've had in the past that left you. 

KSimone619

Do you have a reason not to trust him being "friends" with her?  Both I and my DH have exes as friends and I think it's out of sheer curiousity as to what they're up to.  I wouldn't worry if I were you...You can't do much on facebook

sherpa

I don't think it's an issue of trusting your DH. ?It's about respect. ?He should be respectful of your relationship and mindful that although he may have nothing but innocent intentions; his ex girlfriend may have something else in mind. It's inappropriate. DH has had his ex gf's contact him several times and he ignores them. His logic is 'nothing good can come of it so why bother having any kind of relationship with any of them.'

I've never forbid my DH from anything at all but I have never had to either. I think he's especially aware of inappropriate behavior and relationships because his father had an affair for many years.

emaria

i think the issue is twofold: you don't trust your dh as you should and your dh is not respecting the issue you originally had with him being friends with his ex online.  dh and i aren't friends with our exes (only because we can't stand them) but if we were there'd be no issue there.  we're able to talk about our exes and it doesn't matter because the past is the past and we often try to "outdo" each other as to who had it worse lol.  i think your case you do have some jealousy/insecurity issues and you need to determine where they're stemming from.  either your fears are unwarranted or there is something going on between your dh and his ex.  if there's nothing going on then he probably overlooked having her as friend or thought you really wouldn't mind.  sit him down, tell him your concerns and be honest.  if you're insecure or jealous it's okay but you need to take the steps to trust your dh otherwise it will push you two apart.  make sure that he also knows that you didn't appreciate he becoming her friend without consulting you (mainly because you had an issue with this in the past).  and do your part to strengthen your relationship and keep and open dialogue with your husband to keep the jealous thoughts at bay.  

erino&chrish

Okay, your DH is really disrespectful if you specifically had a fight about him adding her on myspace and then he goes and adds her on facebook (same thing).  My DH has his ex on myspace, but he never speaks with her and I do not feel threatened.  Because of your history, I can completely see why you feel insecure and your DH needs to respect your insecurities, especially now.

Temp159135562506975

this is why my Dh doesn't want to be on facebook - b/c he knows some of his insane ex's would probably try to contact him- and he doesn't want to deal with that, them, or the possibility of it upsetting me.  He feels no need to communicate with ex GF's and knows it can only cause problems for him.

If your DH understands that this bothers you and keeps doing it- then that is a problem. 

F&G777

I think Facebook & Myspace are the devil..

jenniferb96

I dont see it as a big deal.  To me I think you are just insecure.  I have an ex on mine but i dont even talk to him. 

2BMrs.Carter

If you don't want him to have her as a friend on Myspace or Facebook, then he shouldn't.  Your feelings are important.  I don't care if it's jealousy or you just simply don't want them communicating.  It's how you feel and he should respect that.