I went shopping and bought clothes that I hope won't fit in a few months. But they were really cute! I actually broke away from my usual matchy matchy stuff and played with colors!
I think I am addicted to pumping because I am scared if I cut back I will lose my supply. It's stupid I know!
DH and I have had "us time" three times this week and I can tell a difference in our day-to-day communication.
I pulled my boob out to nurse while I was in the parking lot of a grocery store. Just as I did, I looked up to see a man getting into the car beside us. He totally saw my whole boob!
I hate my body right now. I feel so ugly with my saggy/flabby/stretch marked belly.
* Someone was actually offended by the pic i posted of me bfing and messaged me about it. I told them tough sh!t. If my dh and i don't have an issue with it, no one else should
* I love my friends, but I'm finding that I have less & less in common with some of them
* We went to home depot & I was shocked when I saw a woman with a baby in the same infant car seat we have and also about 6 mos pg. I don't know why it threw me off.
* ?I tell dd everyday that she deserves to be happy. I also tell her daily that she is amazing and will be amazing no matter what she does.
* i also make it a point to tell her how proud me & her daddy are of her.I know she has no clue what i'm saying, but i feel it's setting me up to make it routine to tell her these things.?
* I have cried so much the past two days. I feel like a nutcase.
* I am so worried about our financial situation that I can't sleep at night.
* My mom thinks I am pg. She keeps telling me to test but I am sure I'm not, and don't want to spend the money on a test. There would be like a .00001% chance that I am, but she makes me question myself. That would be NUTS.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
*I eavesdropped on my bosses talking yesterday because I'm a bad girl and I heard this word "layoffs". I hope to God they lay some people off. I'm not worried because I have seniority over a lot of people, plus I'm one of the better employees [not to toot my own horn lol]. But damn...there are a lot of _shitty overpaid employees there that need to be let go. I feel bad for their families, but if they really cared they would try harder to be decent at their jobs.
*I used to get pissed off when girls who breastfed would constantly push and say "well it's better" and blah blah blah. But now that I CD and realize how much better it is than using disposables, I want to push that on everyone as well lol. I realize that I am hypocrite. I went straight to formula with DD, but I am definetely going to make a huge effort to BF #2, in part because of what I've learned. I feel like a jerk and a bad mommy for never doing that for Josie =( If I could go back in time, that would be the only thing I would change.
*I have no friends. they all suck nuts and I hate that no one makes an effort to hang out now that I have a baby. they all say "oh we should hang out soon!" but never call, and as soon as I finally have a free day and invite people to hang out, everyone is suddenly busy. I f'in hate it and feel like a loser. I would LOVE to get out of the house, but I have no one to hang out with. Guess they weren't real friends in the first place. Whatever.
*I feel like I'm creating bad habits for Josie because she still sleeps in the bassinet in our room, and sometimes [like %75 of the time] I let her take her naps on the couch next to me. I have a big fear of letting her sleep on her own away from me. I feel like something is going to go wrong and I won't be there to help/save her.
*I get the heebie jeebies going into our basement and talk to myself constantly to keep it from being too quiet. I also bring JoJo down with me so that I won't be afraid.
I'm sorry, I have a lot and this one is terrible and frightens me.
*I noticed today that I skip a lot of my meals. I realized that I probably only eat one meal a day, and maybe a snack or two. I don't know if I am doing this on purpose or not. I don't feel hungry most of the time, but...
*I obsessively workout. Most of the time when Josie naps I do ab workouts over and over again because I feel disgusting. I've never had good self-esteem and this "kangaroo pouch" I have makes me sick. I feel like if I miss working out even one day, I have no chance of ever wearing a tshirt and NOT looking pregnant. i'm not fluffy all over..just in front where my belly used to be. I'm always scared that someone will ask when I'm due and I'll have to explain that I have a 3 month old.
* Everyone comments on how great I am doing with the baby and
handling DH being gone. The truth is that I am a mess. My sense
of humor, calmness etc are all a front.
* Hearing how well I am doing makes me feel trapped.
* I am so emotionally tired I can barely force myself to engage with other people.
* I love Michael so very much and feel like he deserves so much more than I have to give right now.
Ali&Luke- I totally get how you're feeling. Our children are about the same ages, and there are times I too feel trapped. I think since my second son (who is also BF) was born I have had maybe 4 hours total of time without the kids. It was when my mom came to watch the boys so I could get my hair cut and highlighted.?
Even though I have felt a little trapped, I don't want to go back to work in 1 week. Why on earth would I want to trade in my days of being with my boys to go back to work???
Re: ****confessions****
I've had one beer and I have a buzz! That's sad!
I went shopping and bought clothes that I hope won't fit in a few months. But they were really cute! I actually broke away from my usual matchy matchy stuff and played with colors!
I think I am addicted to pumping because I am scared if I cut back I will lose my supply. It's stupid I know!
DH and I have had "us time" three times this week and I can tell a difference in our day-to-day communication.
I pulled my boob out to nurse while I was in the parking lot of a grocery store. Just as I did, I looked up to see a man getting into the car beside us. He totally saw my whole boob!
I hate my body right now. I feel so ugly with my saggy/flabby/stretch marked belly.
* Someone was actually offended by the pic i posted of me bfing and messaged me about it. I told them tough sh!t. If my dh and i don't have an issue with it, no one else should
* I love my friends, but I'm finding that I have less & less in common with some of them
* We went to home depot & I was shocked when I saw a woman with a baby in the same infant car seat we have and also about 6 mos pg. I don't know why it threw me off.
* ?I tell dd everyday that she deserves to be happy. I also tell her daily that she is amazing and will be amazing no matter what she does.
* i also make it a point to tell her how proud me & her daddy are of her.I know she has no clue what i'm saying, but i feel it's setting me up to make it routine to tell her these things.?
* I have cried so much the past two days. I feel like a nutcase.
* I am so worried about our financial situation that I can't sleep at night.
* My mom thinks I am pg. She keeps telling me to test but I am sure I'm not, and don't want to spend the money on a test. There would be like a .00001% chance that I am, but she makes me question myself. That would be NUTS.
Must be going around... even though it is essentially impossible, DH offered to go buy a HPT b/c I had nausea that seemed an awful lot like m/s.
I would lose my mind if I were to find out I am pg.
*I eavesdropped on my bosses talking yesterday because I'm a bad girl and I heard this word "layoffs". I hope to God they lay some people off. I'm not worried because I have seniority over a lot of people, plus I'm one of the better employees [not to toot my own horn lol]. But damn...there are a lot of _shitty overpaid employees there that need to be let go. I feel bad for their families, but if they really cared they would try harder to be decent at their jobs.
*I used to get pissed off when girls who breastfed would constantly push and say "well it's better" and blah blah blah. But now that I CD and realize how much better it is than using disposables, I want to push that on everyone as well lol. I realize that I am hypocrite. I went straight to formula with DD, but I am definetely going to make a huge effort to BF #2, in part because of what I've learned. I feel like a jerk and a bad mommy for never doing that for Josie =( If I could go back in time, that would be the only thing I would change.
*I have no friends. they all suck nuts and I hate that no one makes an effort to hang out now that I have a baby. they all say "oh we should hang out soon!" but never call, and as soon as I finally have a free day and invite people to hang out, everyone is suddenly busy. I f'in hate it and feel like a loser. I would LOVE to get out of the house, but I have no one to hang out with. Guess they weren't real friends in the first place. Whatever.
*I feel like I'm creating bad habits for Josie because she still sleeps in the bassinet in our room, and sometimes [like %75 of the time] I let her take her naps on the couch next to me. I have a big fear of letting her sleep on her own away from me. I feel like something is going to go wrong and I won't be there to help/save her.
*I get the heebie jeebies going into our basement and talk to myself constantly to keep it from being too quiet. I also bring JoJo down with me so that I won't be afraid.
2 beautiful children
proud mommy!
I'm sorry, I have a lot and this one is terrible and frightens me.
*I noticed today that I skip a lot of my meals. I realized that I probably only eat one meal a day, and maybe a snack or two. I don't know if I am doing this on purpose or not. I don't feel hungry most of the time, but...
*I obsessively workout. Most of the time when Josie naps I do ab workouts over and over again because I feel disgusting. I've never had good self-esteem and this "kangaroo pouch" I have makes me sick. I feel like if I miss working out even one day, I have no chance of ever wearing a tshirt and NOT looking pregnant. i'm not fluffy all over..just in front where my belly used to be. I'm always scared that someone will ask when I'm due and I'll have to explain that I have a 3 month old.
2 beautiful children
proud mommy!
crazy & 847christine - either of you going to test?
* now I am thinking back to my fall down the steps today - good lord, if I was pg.... crappy timing for a fall like that.
I confess that i don't have much to confess tonight lol
I'm contemplating an alcoholic beverage but can't remove myself from the couch to get it. There... I said something
* Everyone comments on how great I am doing with the baby and handling DH being gone. The truth is that I am a mess. My sense of humor, calmness etc are all a front.
* Hearing how well I am doing makes me feel trapped.
* I am so emotionally tired I can barely force myself to engage with other people.
* I love Michael so very much and feel like he deserves so much more than I have to give right now.
I now want to give nova a hug (huge hug)
and now I want to go eat some ice cream
Ali&Luke- I totally get how you're feeling. Our children are about the same ages, and there are times I too feel trapped. I think since my second son (who is also BF) was born I have had maybe 4 hours total of time without the kids. It was when my mom came to watch the boys so I could get my hair cut and highlighted.?
Even though I have felt a little trapped, I don't want to go back to work in 1 week. Why on earth would I want to trade in my days of being with my boys to go back to work???