Wanting to leave DH

BusterJess

I don't have anyone else to talk about this. I been keeping our marital problems to myself. DH and I are having a lot of issues with our marriage. I don't see it getting better at all. He sais he needed some time for himself which I been giving him. Long story short he said he doesn't have the same connection with me as he used to. I said we can get things back how we first were when we met and he said it will never be like that. Today he left on a road trip. Don't know where he went. He just said he is driving somewhere. He took his bag and left even though I didn't agree with him going. I am very unhappy in my marriage and don't see how I can live with a man like this. This is not the man I mariried. He is far from it, I just don't know what happened or how it ended up like this. Basically our relationship is "roomates". We are never intimate, I can't remember the last time we even kissed. I never thought it would come down to this but I am thinking of leaving him. I don't see how this is a marriage. It feels good to get this out.

oparcm

I'm really sorry that you are going through this with 2 young children.  I think maybe you might need to get yourself some support because it is a very hard decision to divorce with kids and you will need to vent along the way, no matter which route you choose.  HUGS

camrude

I am so sorry. Have you tried marriage counseling? MH was going through some stuff a while back that was affecting our marriage - going to therapy really helped.

You need to do what is best for you and your children. Good luck.?

BusterJess

DH won't go to therapy. He said he can works things out on his own. Well obviously its not working for us.

JOEBunny

I think it is very hard to have much of a connection when you have two children who are so small, they take a lot of your time and energy.  I would definitely ask that he try counseling before I left.  It may not work, but it is better than abandoning something that could be good.  Obviously, it can't be a one  way street.  Good luck with what ever happens.  I hate for anyone to have to go through this.

Marce921

I'm so sorry you're going through this. (((HUGS))) I hope your DH comes to his senses and decides to go to counseling with you. GL!

oparcm

Even if dh doesn't go, do you have the option to go?  It might be helpful to even get some help yourself because it is a huge decision.  You can always vent on here too.  We are supportive but if you have the kids, you might need to figure out how you would tell them too, kwim? 

camrude

Without knowing you or the situation, I am going to give you the same advice I gave my gf when her H refused therapy. If he's not willing to put the time into your marriage, then IMO, he does not deserve you. Marriage is a two way street - if it was worth it to him, he would do whatever it takes to fix it.

I'm sorry you guys are going through this.?

?

Yodajo

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.  I can only imagine what a weight this is on you.  If he won't go to therapy with you, why don't you go by yourself?  You're going through such a hard time and thinking about making a difficult decision.  Having someone listen to you and give you some insight will help and may help you find some strength you didn't know you had.

I hope things get easier soon.

((hugs))

mrsflanigan

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Having my DD was really tough on our marriage, I can only imagine how tough two little ones would be. Try and get some help and know that you have time. You don't have to rush into anything. In the meantime try to do something nice for yourself, and you can always come here to vent as well!

gibs

Give him a chance to have his 'road trip' and time to himself to think. ?Having 2 kids so quickly and so close together can change things. ?He's not reacting well, but think about how much your situation has changed over the past few years. ?Hopefully he'll come to his sense and agree to work with you and try to improve it, rather than walking out on his kids. ?Try to focus on them. ?Even if you and he are just 'roommates' at least your kids will have an in-tact home with 2 parents.

kirbear

I am sorry that you are going through this.  It is a tough situation to be in.  I am looking at things from the other side than most people- I am happily divorced and a single mom to an amazing little girl.   My ex refused to go to therapy with me as well.  I found it extremely helpful to go to therapy myself.  It really helped me to look at the situation and figure out what was right for me and for my dd.  After being separated for 6 mths we did go together to therapy but it was too late.  When he refused to go the first time, it was like he didn't care enough about our marriage or family and that was hard to get past along with other issues that came up during our separation.  We divorced almost a year ago and although it is sad at times, I know if was best for me and for dd.  He will even say that now- we are better off without him.  My ex is now in individual therapy for over 1.5 years working on his personal issues.

I do not agree with the pp saying "at least your kids will have an intact home with 2 parents".  Any therapist and research shows that children are better off having a happy, stable environment regardless of one or two parents.  I left when my daughter was 8 months old as I had tried everything and ex didn't see marriage as a 2 way street.  My daughter deserved a happy mommy and a calm, nurturing, loving environment.  If you are not happy you can't give your all to your kids and enjoy them as you should.  Your kids will also pick up on yours and your husbands feelings towards eachother.  Since I have become a much happier person, I have been able to be such a happier, attentive mommy.

I'd sit down with him when he gets back and let him know how you are feeling and what you are thinking.  Spell it out and I leaned that sometimes they don't "get" the things you mean or they view things very differently.  I'd also call and make an appt with a counselor.  they can help you sort out you emotions and make a decision with making sure you consider things and aren't making a hasty decision.  I'm not saying divorce is the solution to all marriage problems, but if he isn't willing to work on things, that says something, and you need to be happy!!!!

If you want to email me, my email is kirsten_m@yahoo.com

katie277s

I am so sorry.  Sometimes a little break is exactly what is needed.  Hopefully you both will be able to find out what you want and can be happy.  ((HUGS)).