My husband and I recently decided that it's best for me to stay at home. We have a beautiful little girl, Jaelynne, who is 4 (will be 5 in Feb.) and another little girl, Ellianna, due in April. At first I was so excited to be staying at home, but it's not all that I thought it would be! Not that I thought it was going to be easy, I knew better than that. But I'm having a hard time keeping up on everything. By the time I've taken care of Jaelynne (who only goes to pre-school T, W, Th from 9a-12p) I'm exhausted and need to sit down. My husband never says anything negative, but sometimes I just feel like he wonders why I'm not getting more done. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive or maybe my expectations were too high. Somehow I thought my house would be perfect. At least until the new baby came. Any advice from seasoned SAHMs?!
Re: New to staying at home...help!
Set some realistic goals for yourself. First of all, no harm in napping/resting when she's in preschool. You need your rest for all of you.
I usually set one "task" to do a day. By that I mean big project. It could be laundry, food shopping or going to by presents for upcoming parties (we recently had 3 weekends in a row--6 parties all together). Then I make sure I pick up after we finish something so you don't look around after 4 hours and realize what kind of mess have I gotten myself into.
Dinners...well, they go with the mood. Last night it was pasta primavera. What's that in our house you ask? It's mini bow tie pastas with olive oil and frozen peas and carrots sprinkled in with parmesan cheese. Yup by Friday I am fried. I usually cook 3-4 times/week but we eat leftovers or simply on the other nights.
With new baby on the way, take the time now to stock your freezer (or ask for that as gifts from friends) Take a trip to Sams or Costco to make sure you have everything you need as far as dry/frozen items go so you don't have to make trips often to the store with a newborn. If people ask you what you want...be honest. It's nice to get baby stuff but what you really need is maybe their time...to watch the baby or your preschooler while you go and get a haircut or maybe they can chip in for a cleaning service so you know the house is clean when you are 36 weeks pregnant and don't want to be doing toilets.
It's a VERY hard adjustment. I'm not sure how I would adjust to going back to work full time now that I have been home for almost 5 years. I have all the admiration for full time working moms.
What a fantastic idea... a "Ta Da" list!!! I'm going to start doing this today!
I just wanted to add that I agree with everyone else that you should cut yourself a break because you are pregnant and caring for an intelligent, active 5 year old... things will be different once your second child arrives and you get your body back! SAH can be hard, it's so different for everyone, and I bet you'll find your groove quickly once baby #2 arrives. If I were you, I'd be sleeping while the 5 year old was at Preschool so that I had the energy to engage with her, run errands and do chores once she came home. Maybe you could try that? Very best of luck and hang in there!!!
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
My dh doesn't question what I do all day, I'm lucky. But others sometimes do - Listen - daycare workers care for babies/toddlers all day long. They're not expected to do laundry, clean the bathroom, scrub the kitchen floor, go grocery shopping, or start dinner! It IS a full time job and if you happen to get anything else accomplished aside from caring for your children and yourself, I consider that icing on the cake.
peas out
I know this has already been said.. .but I set goals for each day. For example... one day I will do all the laundry and wash everyone's bedding. Another day I will clean the bedrooms, another day the bathrooms... etc.
Also... DH and I make a point of straightening up whatever we got out that day before we go to bed. It makes it a lot easier on me when I go to clean because everything is picked up already so I don't have to spend 20 or 30 minutes putting things away before I can even clean.
Finally... don't be too hard on yourself! You are pregnant and I know when I was pregnant there were times I had no motivation and I read a book all day instead of doing things around the house... and I didn't have another child to care for! I'm sure your DH understands that you're tired. I bet that you are accomplishing more than you think you are though!!
I think what you're going through is pretty normal... I felt the same way. I started SAH when DD was around 9 mos and had the same expectations, like I'd have all the time in the world! But that fact is, BEING home with a toddler creates extra work that wouldn't otherwise be there if she was at daycare and I was at work all day. More messes, more meals to make and clean up, etc. My advice to you is: (1) adjust your expectations, and (2) commit to getting as much done each day as you honestly can. Also, I think routines help to keep you on track. If you know certain days are laundry days, clean the floor days, 'free' fun days, etc, I think you're more likely to get that stuff done. I also keep a running list of my to-do's, then I can actually see what I've accomplished.
Hang in there! I think it's a very tough adjustment. Plus you're pregnant, so that tends to zap the energy a little, too. Just appreciate the fact that you've got such a supportive husband (and maybe even mention it to him, so he knows you appreciate it?) and do the best you can. It gets a lot easier! GL.