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1st Trimester
Anyone pregnant and wanting a divorce...
Hi everyone, I am feeling really bummed right now thinking maybe I married the wrong person. I'm sorry for ranting but I think it would be better for the child to get used to separated at birth than raising a child in a hostile environment and then divorcing? He laughs at counseling and our problems are repetitive. I am just exhausted on trying..
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Re: Anyone pregnant and wanting a divorce...
Friend of mine went through this about 2 years ago.
They thought that she (and her mother) and pregnancy induced depression/anxiety.
After the baby was born, something changed and she didn't feel that way anymore and they are a happy family again, like nothing ever happened.
I don't know your personal situation, but I would say, not to do anything rash till after the baby is born (unless there is abuse; physical, emotional or substance)
A few points to consider...
1. You are hormonal and everything looks worse when you are hormonal. This is not a decision you have any business making right now because your judgement is off (it is off for all pregnant woman - that's why we get emotional and hysterical).
2. If you had these thoughts before getting pregnant, you probably shouldn't have been trying to get pregnant in the first place. A child is almost always better off with both parents and you now have an obligation to your child to make this marriage work if it is even remotely possible. You shouldn't be giving up simply because you are exhausted from trying to make it work. Marriage isn't easy for 95% of couples. It is a lot of work and we all have problems, even major ones. Is your marriage so bad that it is not worth the effort?
3. If he laughs at counseling, then go without him. Either way, you clearly have some issues in your marriage need to learn how to best deal with them or to figure out if leaving your husband is really the best thing. Keep in mind, if you get divorced, odds are good that he will eventually remarry and then a strange woman will be raising your kid 50% of the time and you will have no control over that situation. Is that better than what you have now?
Not trying to be judgemental, as I don't know the details. Just wanted to give you some things to think about. Good luck and I really do sincerely hope everything works out.
Very well said. I agree 100% with this...especially number one!
You should post this on 0-6 or 6-12 later today, I know some women there had the same issues.
Please also know that even though some men improve when the baby gets here, some get 10x worse. Only you know your husband and what is best for you and your baby. Good luck ((hugs)).
I absolutely think that it's easy for everything to look worse while you are so tired and emotional right now.
That said, my parents were separated (and then soon after divorced) by the time I was born. From what I've been able to patch together, I think my dad cheated on her, and she left. I've always been so proud of my mother for being strong enough to stand up for herself, even with her second child on the way. She quickly thereafter met a wonderful man at a single-parent support group, and she's now been married to my step-dad for almost 29 years. My biological dad, on the other hand, has never been able to really get his sh!t together and is now on his 5th marriage (fingers crossed this one will stick). I can't imagine them ever being happy together, and I'm so glad I didn't have to grow up in that environment.
Just another perspective to think about. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, but I'm confident that no matter your decision, it will be the right one for you and your child.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this! Being pregnant is stressful enough, and I too would caution you against making a rash decision. You said that you think you married the wrong person, but what were the reasons that you married him in the first place? Have you sat down and thought about these things lately? Have those qualities really changed?
If I were you, I would carefully consider the issues that you are seeing, and decide if they are things that have the potential to get better.
Then, I would carefully find a way to phrase these issues in a way that isn't going to sound like you are attacking him, and I would sit down and talk to him about how you are feeling.
Also, are you noticing these things since you have gotten pregnant? If so, consider your hormones, (I definitely have a short fuse in my first trimester) and consider that he might just be trying to deal with the fact that he is going to become a father. HTH!
1 Corinthians 13:8 says that love never fails. Think about the qualities about your husband that you fell in love with. Try to take yourself back to that place when you two first fell in love and hopefully that can rekindle those feeling for one another.
I would not make any decisions right now. We are all (VERY!) emotional right now and making such a huge life changing decision might not be the best idea. And remember, now you aren't just making decisions for you. Now you are making them for you sweet baby too ...
I hope that with time your relationship can come back together and you guys can enjoy this blessing together!
I am so sorry you are pregnant and not having a sweet, together time. ?
did these issues start when you got pregnant or before?
hormones or not, you probably know yourself (do you?)
at least go to counseling yourself, it can make a world of difference and you won't feel so alone.
what do your best friends think? your family? ??
Don't do anything drastic and really think about the situation. Also think about your life without him and how this would make you feel and speak with a professional, in my opinion individual counseling works best.
how long have you been married? How long have you had these feelings? If all your problems are repetitive, why get pregnant in the first place (unless it was unplanned). What constitutes a hostile environment? Are you in danger of being hurt?
Having a baby does NOT fix your problems. Y'all either need counseling or you need to get out.
Sometimes counseling is hard becuase of the expense and if your partner won't cooperate. You could try a good book as a first step, this one is written by John Gottman and he is great (I've read some of his other stuff). ?
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last by John Gottman
Try not to read it with the mindset of finding evidence against your DH. Maybe you can get him to read a few parts that you highlight for him that you see relate to your situation and then at least get a healthy conversation going. I agree with the other pp hormones can make you feel pretty different right now, try not to be too rash. ?
I agree, but they don't have to be in the same household. I would have hated both of my parents if they had stayed married and I would have had to be in the middle of it.
That being said...like all the pp said...don't let your hormones get the better of you. If nothing else, if you can get away for a few days, even just to stay at a friends, it may do wonders for you.
((((HUGS))))
I agree that a child needs both parents, but I also agree that it doesn't mean that having them both in the same house is always what's best. Don't feel bad about feeling that way, but wait it out. DH and I have had just tons of problems, (we're actually divorced, but reconciled) and couldn't be happier now. Try to understand that your hormones are probably part of what you're feeling, but don't ignore the problems, work on them, talk about them, but go easy with it while your pregnant.
Good luck!