Wording for Shower Gift Requests for Out of Town Mom-to-Be

dpocer

I am hosting a baby shower for my mom-to-be friend who is flying in from out of state.  She wanted to some how let the guests know on the invitation not to bring the presents to the shower but either give gift cards or have them shipped directly to her home back east, so she won't have to pack them on her trip back home.  Any suggestions on proper wording for this type of situation?

EastCoastBride

I just dont' think there is proper wording, to be honest.  people aren't going to want to come to a shower w/ just a gift card, for one.  And they want to see her open their gift.  The whole point of a shower is to "shower the bride/mom to be w/ gifts" and to either not have gifts there or a bunch of envelopes w/ gift cards in them....???

If she doesn't want the burden of getting the gifts home, then she shouldn't have a shower.  In the end, the guests are doing HER a favor by buying stuff for her.  To dictate what they give her or how they give it (heck, she's telling them to pay more money to ship the gifts for her!) - it's kind of rude.  

I'm sure certain people coming would understand and would do this for her and not be bothered by it.  But other guests...  I think of the poeple who came to my shower.  I know some of my friends would have gladly sent the gift to my home and just given me a picture of it, or.... whatever.  but other guests?  Like my moms friends - I think they are more the crew who would want to see me open their gift w/ them there. 

Perhaps to those closer to her who would understand, just by word of mouth tell them "hey- do her a favor and do this.".  but to other people she may not be super close to... dont' dictate to them how to give their gifts.

brightning

I really don't think it's polite to ask. And seeing as most people buy baby clothes and other smaller-sized items, she should be able to pack them her her suitcase. Even if they don't fit in her bag, it's much cheaper (and more polite) for her to pay extra baggage fees than for others to ship the items to her house. If necessary, she can return the item in town and get store credit to use when she returns home.

Dictating what gifts someone can give you is rude, in my opinion. If someone asks for a gift recommendation, you can mention her request, but otherwise I wouldn't say anything.

Amymichelle925

I traveled half way across the country for my bridal shower and I too was concerned that people might bring gifts that I wouldn't be able to travel with, it's a legit concern.  But, do not mention anything on the invite--it would be rude.  The people that are invited know her so they know she is flying, most likely they will take that into consideration when buying a gift. 

I would recommend she brings a second (empty) suitcase to put small gifts in and if she receives any large gifts (ie travel system) she could return it and repurchase it with the store credit when she is back home....it's a hassle but better than trying to ship it.  I found that most people gave gift cards or mailed me gifts and in the card at the shower included a picture of the gift they sent in the mail.

howleyshell

I agree with PP's.  It's not PC to ask that on the invite.

If your number is the one used for RSVP's you could pass along a simple "Please remember when purchasing gifts that she's got to get them back home" when they call you but that's as far as I'd go with it.

 

MrsDuncan

There's no tactful way to tell people what to give as a gift. Hopefully people will think of it on their own, if they're aware that she's traveling to the shower. I've been to showers where someone organized a "group gift" - a larger item that money was pooled to buy. If there's anyone thinking of doing that, then the coordinator could be encouraged to have it shipped instead of bringing it to the shower. Otherwise, she should be ready to return anything before traveling home, if necessary.

ctab

Tacky!  Don't do it.  Specifically asking for gift cards on an invite is just rude in my opinion. 

 I'm having an out of town shower.  My husband and I are both traveling in so we are going to back our items in one suitcase so that we have an extra suitcase and two boxes to bring stuff back with us.  My mom has offered to ship anything that doesn't fit in those.  I'm so happy that people back home want to throw me a shower.  I would never think of tarnishing that generosity with the kind of thing your friend is talking about. 

 
The only thing I think you could do respectfully is telling a guest that asks about larger items that it would be nice to have it shipped to the mom to be's house.  But, anything else I think would just be rude.
 

bambam80

can't she just ship the gifts back to herself?  I think the consensus is that it's rude to tell people to have the gifts shipped. 

DiscusCoach

Perhaps a little funny note at the bottom next to an overstuffed suitcase icon that says "space is at a premium - please keep gift size in mind" and leave it at that.

tnmaybride04

I agree with all the PP's that it is rude to dictate gifts.  I do think it depends on the crowd, if you are all good friends, then I'd probably just tell everyone when you talk to them. People are smart enough to know that she will be traveling.  That doesn't necessarily mean they will all plan correctly but those that know her should do so.  One thing that you as the host might want to mention is that I know at Babies R Us, you can call her local store, purchase over the phone and they will hold it for her.  This way, no one has to pay extra for shipping.  Just a suggestion you might mention when people are RSVP'ing. 

goldielux1176

I have the same problem.  My shower is in Ohio and I live in California.  Most of my family gets it, but we aren't saying anything in the invite.  Instead we are trying to be subtle by including another note with the invite that explains how to find my registry and how to use Walmart Site to Store. 

We picked Walmart for our registry because Site to Store allows guests to ship things to the Walmart near my home for free.  Hopefully your friend has been thoughtful about her guests and shipping costs too.

It really is expensive to ship things.  At Christmas I sent all of my Christmas gifts home and the box was about as big as a 36 inch TV.  It was $100 to send the box of gifts to Cali.  We plan on returning anything I actually receive at the shower and getting the gift card then re-purchasing the exact same item once I get back to Cali.

I'm also bringing a suitcase for anything that can't be returned, such as the quilt my grandma is making for me.  Although, I'm already paying $15 for my first suitcase and I will have to pay $30 to take a second suitcase back on the plane with me so I'm hoping I don't get a lot of non-returnable items.