Full-time Working Moms - a ? — The Bump
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Full-time Working Moms - a ?

I have a friend who told me that going back to work after her first child was born was the HARDEST thing she's ever done in her life.  She was also conflicted about going back or SAH.  My question is: is it the hardest thing you've ever done?  If not, do you think it's because you're more confident (than her) that your decision is right for your family? 

Re: Full-time Working Moms - a ?

  • I honestly think it depends on who you leave the baby with (i.e.your mother or a daycare)  With me, it was pretty easy to go back to work, but took about two weeks to get back into things.  I viewed it as a vacation because I was able to enjoy my meals again, got to have adult conversations, and also surf the internet when needed.  But that's also because I trusted my mom that she would take care of my daughter.

    For my one co worker, it was really hard for her to drop her kid off at daycare at 3 months old. She cried everyday for the first week and was going to quit.  Her husband told her to keep at it for a month, and if she still wanted to quit, then she can.  Well, after a month, she was back to her normal work routine and was fine and didn't want to stay at home.  With her second kid, she definitely was ready to go back to work and didn't shed one tear. 

     

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  • It wasn't hard for me.  I love the daycare that we chose for Jackson and his teachers were/are incredible.  Maybe I am a bad mom, but I never once cried when I left him.  He is also a very laid back child and has never cried when I left either.  Now, in the mornings when I tell him that it is time to go to school, he walks over and stands by the front door waiting for me.

     

     

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  • Yes, it was. I cried my eyes out and felt horrible. But, I knew it was best for me and for my family. For me, staying home after working so hard for my law degree and my career just was was not an option. I would have felt like I was giving up a huge portion of myself. I honestly believe I am a better mother because I didn't lose my sight of ALL my goals and aspirations (being a mother is just ONE of them....being a good lawyer, a good wife, a good friend are also important). On day I think Joe will be proud that his mom was able to do it all. But yes, leaving him that first day was the hardest thing I have ever done.
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  • its definitely depends on the individual. i am not cut out to sah full time; i am so used to working 50 hour weeks that i have no idea what to do with myself when i'm off. it was also a financial thing for us.

    when it comes to dd, it was one of the hardest things i've ever done. leaving her in the nicu after i was released from the hospital was much harder, but for different reasons.

    my first day back to work i cried after dropping her off all the way to work, then several times that day, and i couldn't leave work fast enough.

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  • It is a huge decision for me and I am so nervous about making the wrong one.  I know I am going to cry when I go back next week.
    Finley Anne ~ 11.9.2008
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  • Ranks up there with some of the hardest things I've ever done, but definitely not the hardest. The first day I was SO SAD, but honestly after I saw that he did perfectly fine being away from me, I was just fine. Grant thrives at daycare, and I think I am a better mom because I work. I just wasn't meant to be a SAHM and I've always known that. 

     I agree with some of the previous posters that your childcare scenario is most important. You must trust/feel safe with your providers.

  • image Erika&Brian:

    Ranks up there with some of the hardest things I've ever done, but definitely not the hardest. The first day I was SO SAD, but honestly after I saw that he did perfectly fine being away from me, I was just fine. Grant thrives at daycare, and I think I am a better mom because I work. I just wasn't meant to be a SAHM and I've always known that.?

    ?I agree with some of the previous posters that your childcare scenario is most important. You must trust/feel safe with your providers.

    ?This is exactly how I felt.?

  • I never cried over it, but it was one of the harder parenting things we've had to do.  Leaving your child in someone else's care is hard. Trust builds, the child ages, and it becomes easier.

    WH mentioned this today when I was lamenting about the fact that my baby will be in PK3 in 2010 - I just had that baby, how can it be in school in 2010? He said, "leaving him at daycare the first time was the hard part -- this is nothing compared to that." He's right.

    At any rate, that tells you that our lives are not very difficult. It also tells me that men feel these same feelings.

    I knew, of course, that working was important financially and emotionally for me. So, we took our licks early and my child has benefited in a great many ways. My husband was a great support during that adjustment.

    I am confident in our decisions - still, it was a big leap of faith and a big adjustment. So, I'm not sure my confidence saved me any heartache in this dpt.

  • It's definitely one of the hardest things and honestly we're a year and a half past that first drop off and its not any easier.  I was telling a friend today that I think its precisely because I've always been a type A personality, have to be the best at my job person, that makes it hard for me.  Now my most important job is my son and I'm just not as good of a mom as I would be if I had more time.  To top it off I have to admit I'm not as good at my job either. 

    I agree with others that a good daycare is so important.  I could not leave him without trusting where I'm leaving him, but for me its still not home.  Maybe its a harder decision because its not a financial requirement that I work and I'd like to stay home but DH is not supportive of it. 

  • It wasn't too hard for me. DS was in great hands with my mother, and still is. I'm very fortunate to have her be at home during the day to watch him. I was a little ready to go back.... not becuae i didn't want to be with my son every waking momnet.... but beacuse i knew i needed to get back to work, for myself. And to make full pay again. If it were feasible at the time for me to be a SAHM, i probably would have only done it part time. This time around, i have a whole new career, with alot more flexibility if i chose.... so we'll see what life brings our way. But over all i would say again that for me, it wasn't too hard to go back, beacuse I knew it was something that had to be done.
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