Serious dilemma: Would your dh agree to this?

michaeltrish

My WT cousin from KY and his girlfriend are pg with a boy and are due in April.  My mom attended her baby shower this weekend and noticed that they didn't receive any of the big items they need, just some blankets and clothes.  From what I understand, the shower itself was in a trailer and it seemed like the mother-to-be was the organizer.  Emily Post would have been mortified. 

Backstory:  I have a dislike for my cousin because he has stolen money out of my purse on 2 different occasions in the past.  So we aren't exactly close.  But I actually like his girlfriend and she seems to desperately want to be part of our family.   He has another older child that he barely supports as well which irritates me even more. 

Presently, dh and I have many, many items (travel system, bassinet, pack-n-play,etc)  that are just gathering dust in storage.  We have been trying for over a year to get pregnant but with no results.  It may be the 4 beers I drank yesterday that prompted this epiphany so I want the nesties opinions.  Should I send all of these things out to these people that so desperately need them?  Shipping wouldn't be cheap, but we've taken care of these items and I feel it would be better than what they could find at a consignment shop.  I hate that the baby could be sitting in a carseat that isn't up to standards or sleeping between them because they couldn't afford a bassinett.  And selfishly, I hope that this will jinx us into getting pregnant and we can just get new stuff in a year or so.  I haven't proposed this to dh yet because I'm still wavering.  Would you do this and would your dh agree to it?  He barely knows them and only remembers that the cousin stole from me just a few years back.  I need your opinions.  Thanks!

rach&jay

I think you are really doing this for the baby, and not the cousin that stole from you.  MH would agree to this, especially since we have been on the receiving end of many gifts from friends and family.  He even has a co-worker that brings in garbage bags of clothes for us. 

 

brandoonie

My DH would absolutely agree to send them the things. Like you said, it's just collecting dust. Especially if you can afford new things down the road when you get pregnant again.

Yeah, you may not like your cousin that much, but the baby will be the victim and sometimes you just have suck up your pride and do the right thing.

momintn

With the history of the stealing cousin, I personally would not.

AZ_Erica

My DH would likely tell me to do what I want.

My opinion.  That's extremely nice of you.  I think it's very generous and would probably be very much appreciated.  I think if you could it would be nice to at least send the PnP and carseat (That two big items that are important to be safe).    

elm1032004

My DH would be all for it, we gave all our baby stuff (granted we aren't having more kids) away to his cousin when she had a baby.  The stuff was still like brand new and she didn't have the extra money to get all the stuff.  She got some stuff at her shower as well, so some of the things that she didn't need I gave to a girl at work, and to the people that live in the apartment that DH owns since they needed stuff for their "surprise" pregnancy.  In fact the only baby item that we still have is the PNP and we'll most likely save that for a while.....

sweetie1528

I would do it.  my h would love to get rid off all the stuff sitting in the basement.

Samantha Thomas

My DH would definitely agree to this.  LIke the pp said, you are doing this for the baby not the parents.  My DH's supervisor's younger brother had a baby last year and they had been living out of a car (got an apt before the baby was born) so they had nothing.  I went through all of our baby stuff and sent them a ton of stuff and diapers and we didn't even know them.  Honestly it just felt like the right thing to do.  I think if you can afford to buy new stuff that would be a wonderful thing to do.  Just find out what they don't have before you send it.

Reagan's Mommy

My DH would probably not fully support it b/c of the history with the cousin, but would tell me to do what I needed to do.

As long as you are able to buy new things when you get pregnant again, than I think it is a nice thing to do.  Really, the baby is the one who will suffer without that stuff.  So, I would say at least send the essentials to keep the kid safe and secure.

BubblyToes

My H would agree to do it, it's for the baby.  I think it would be an awesome gesture and I think it would mean a lot to the baby's mother. 

And I think it's good karma.

PinkPiano

I think it's sweet of you, despite your cousin's poor behavior.  BUT, it will cost a fortune to ship those items.  Instead, I think I'd just buy them one of the big ticket items. 

My mom forgot her curling iron at my house and it cost me $15 to ship it, regular ground, and she only lives 2 hours away. 

michaeltrish

PinkPiano:

I think it's sweet of you, despite your cousin's poor behavior.  BUT, it will cost a fortune to ship those items.  Instead, I think I'd just buy them one of the big ticket items. 

My mom forgot her curling iron at my house and it cost me $15 to ship it, regular ground, and she only lives 2 hours away. 

Yeah, that's the bigger issue. 

PoundCake

I know he would, not super happily of course since the cousin stole, but for the baby he would.

But I'd look and see if the shipping will run you more than buying something new.

kjlrs

Whether or not my DH would agree to it (and whether I would want to do it) would depend on whether we were definitely going to have more kids. It sounds like you definitely are, so DH and I wouldn't be willing to purchase all new things for our next DC. If you already plan to buy new things, or don't mind doing that, then go for it. But since it would end up costing us $$$ on replacing things and they aren't people to whom we are extremely close, I doubt we would in your situation.

JenRose9/24

My DH would not support this because you all are ttc and therefore will hopefully be using the stuff soon.

 I would look through your stuff and maybe sent a couple of items that you would rather get new ones of anyway but not all of the stuff. 

michaeltrish

JenRose9/24:

My DH would not support this because you all are ttc and therefore will hopefully be using the stuff soon.

 I would look through your stuff and maybe sent a couple of items that you would rather get new ones of anyway but not all of the stuff. 

I get what you're saying, but everyone has told me that the minute you give all of your baby stuff away, you get a BFP.  I thought maybe it would "jinx" us by doing this.  And, we can always buy new stuff a year down the road.  It's been sitting in storage for 18 months now and may never get used.  My dh is pretty frugal and this would be his biggest concern, though.  Thanks for the reply.

Yodajo

I think my DH would agree to it.  Its a very kind gesture and my DH would support that.  I agree w/ Bubbly too, an act like that will definitely come back to you in spades.