This is TMI, but it's a problem and I need insight...

mnj917

Okay, I"m not sure what's going on with me...I had my twin boys over 4 months ago and also have a 2-year old little girl.  I am a SAHM and have a wonderful husband that is supportive and helpful for the most part.  All in all, I am happy.  Here's the issue...ever since the boys came along and we were given the 'go-ahead' for sex, I just have NO desire whatsoever.  I don't know if it's just the pure exhaustion (I'm bf the boys) or if it has something to do with having a tubal ligation or if I"m just overwhelmed with everything I have to do on a daily basis. 

I'm just wondering if anyone else is/has gone through this after giving birth and if/when you snapped out of it?  DH is being really understanding about it, but how long can any guy put up with it?  I had no problems after the birth of my daughter (thus, the twins less than 2 years later...).  I know this is all TMI, but I just can't seem to get in the 'old' frame of mind.  Any advice? 

thank you!!!

-jen

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totally normal!

i really don't have much sex drive since having my DS almost 2 yrs ago... i force myself to do it sometimes - and i enjoy it when i'm in the middle of it- but before i could take it or leave it- i'm so tired from working all day, DS, and now being pg again.

can you try doing it just because? use lube... lots of cuddling, ask DH to give you a massage? I know that helps me.  sometimes i also just offer to do "other things" to DH instead of sex... I even got him some porn DVDs for xmas this year since he won't be getting much with me being pg with twins

sometimes i am really sad about my loss of drive- b/c i used to have a very healthy sex drive - and i'm worried it won't come back - but i know in the past 2 yrs being pg, having a bad 4th deg tear from birth, being so tired and now pg again- that it's normal.

hollyoid7

Normal...I had no sex drive after the boys. The only reason I got PG was ?I felt bad on our Anniverary so DH and I had sex.?

FaeryStarGazer

Oh yes. At first, we didn't even wait for the go ahead- we did it 4w PP. And then, it was gone. I just has nothing in me. The hardest parts for me was seperating mom from wife and getting over how terrible I feel/felt about my body. Really trying to get out of mom mode is the biggest thing I've had to work on. It's hard to want to be romantic when you have poop under your nails, there are toys all over the floor and if you have to wash one more bottle/load of laundry/ your hair! you might just go insane. Just tell H that you are having a hard time getting back in the groove, and it would be great if he could help out taking care of your toddler, the twins, something.

Skatcat

I don't think that is TMI or at all unusual. Exhaustion and stress are total libido killers! Not to mention your body has been through a  lot, and its hard to feel sexy when you are a milk machine/mom.

I think agree with pp..I think it might help to "fake it 'til you make it." The thing about sex is, the more you have it, the more you want it because all those hormones get pumping. So, you might have to go through the motions the first couple of times, but then find you actually get into it.  I know it feels forced, but I think its really important for a couple to have sex in order to stay connected. Think of it as a good and potentially fun investment in your marriage!

krisc

I feel ya!  I agree with pps that it's so hard to separate the mom/wife thing sometimes...I mean, for cripes sake I'm someone's mom!  I'm not supposed to be having sex!  It is important though to feel connected to your dh in that way.  It will come back though eventually.  Mine did about 10 months after the kids were born.

jooliagoolia2

Mine is just now starting to come back after 13 months. ?I stopped BF mostly and that really made a difference. ?I think communicating about why you don't have any drive is important, so DH at least knows you're thinking about sex, even if you don't want any.

mnj917

Thanks ladies - it's nice to know that' I'm not the only one going through this.  Hopefully it will pass soon....poor DH!  -jen

takencare

"I feel ya!  I agree with pps that it's so hard to separate the mom/wife thing sometimes...I mean, for cripes sake I'm someone's mom!  I'm not supposed to be having sex!"

 HAHA! That is totally how I feel. My twins are only ten weeks old, and DH has started hinting more but he's very understanding. I just feel bad for him though. Glad to here that this is normal! I have been telling my DH (and the babies for that matter) that boobs are for food not fun! Haha. I don't think that he's really amused, but I am breastfeeding two babies and I just don't feel my boobs should be a turn on anymore. You know? I also have oversupply issues, and I think that I would be sooo embarassed if my milk let down during sex! Anyone dealt with that? (Sorry, not trying to high jack the thread, I promise!)