What did you/do you do to stay positive?

bridz2be

Hey ladies, first I'm so happy to see so many things happening on this board since I haven't been around for a few weeks! It is hard to believe that some of you are getting so close and congrats to all of the new moms-to-be!

I'm hoping that you ladies can give me some positive feedback or suggestions since I feel like many of you have been in my shoes before. I'm really hesitant to post in a way, although I can't really say why. Anyway....to the chase of things. I've been off BC for just about a year and DH and I have been actively TTC since August. Granted, not that long in the scheme of things. However, I've only ovulated 3 times since August, and a total of 5 since last February. After having my yearly checkup in November, my doctor ordered tests and all of my levels came back within normal ranges, and my doctor basically told me that I'd have to deal with long, unpredictable cycles. This in itself has been really frustrating as you can imagine as my O date is different every cycle.

The span between Thanksgiving and Christmas was tough. Between family members (who don't even know we're TTC) making comments about me still having a flat belly and that I must not ready for kids, to someone coming out and asking me if we were expecting in front of 20+ people left me a bit frazzled. On top of that, after successfully getting positive results using OPK's this cycle to being over 3 weeks late on my period with very sore breasts and feeling tired (with still no sign of a period and all false PG tests) has just left me worn out emotionally with it.?

Last weekend I think all of that caught up with me all at once after a close friend told me she is expecting. I am so so happy for her and her husband, but at the same time it kind of brought to surface all of the emotions that comes with TTC. I think the hardest part is feeling like my body doesn't work.

If you made it this far, I guess I'm just looking for anything that anyone did during TTC to just stay positive. I don't want to sound hopeless or "over the edge" as I know it has only been since August. I guess I just know others out there have faced hurdles, unpredictable cycles, etc. and might be willing to share things that helped them through the process. One thing I did realize that I needed to do was finish our second bedroom and I finally got the bedding that I loved and am picking out paint colors. Hopefully I will have a reason to have to change it all again soon. If not, at least I'm looking at a room I love and not pulling the "when we have a baby" card...

Thanks ladies. I do appreciate it : )?

Mrs.McJeep

Oh I am so sorry, it is very frustrating. 

First - I want to say, you are not alone in your feelings.  I had the same frustrations when we started and it wasn't working.

Second longer irregular cycles is not normal and not something you should just have to deal with.  I would find a different OBGYN and explain to them everything that you have done thus far.  In my opinion if you are using OPKs and still haven't gotten pregnant there may be something else going on.  Now I'm not a doctor so don't get worried by that statement, but I definitely think it is worth a second opinion.

 *hugs*

bridz2be

Thanks Anne, I appreciate your kind words : ) Part of my tells myself to remember that I'm not the only one who has felt the frustrations of TTC and that I should be thankful for what I do have. And look at all the healthy babies on here, some who took some extra work! I know it is all about patience and waiting.

I had dinner with my mom tonight and finally spilled everything to her. While she knew we were TTC I've been keeping everything inside besides with DH of course. While you don't forsee sharing your frustrations and only anticipating sharing the good news with family, it felt so good to actually tell it to someone, especially my mom. That's what they're for, right?

Thanks for your support : )

Megan.10.06

Oh I feel ya   I had the long irregular cycles that were just "part of me" that without any other issues, they didn't want to do anything.  It took me a year to get pregnant (successfully) but only 8 cycles in that time. 

 After 6 months, I went to my doctor again, and she suggested Clomid - and I was too afraid  of the side effects just yet (the clomid crazies?) so I wanted to wait, so we made another appointment for 3 months.  I got pregnant 2 weeks before the appointment for Clomid.  When I miscarried a month later, my time had "started over" and she didn't want to talk Clomid until she watched my cycles for another 6 months.  Luckily I didn't hit that point.  

Honestly, I don't think there is a way to be positive about it all.  It's heartbreaking, frustrating, and comments from those who "expect" but have no clue.  There are people that had it so much worse - I never had to have IF treatments, people have had repeat m/cs....But that's how the boards helped so much - those times where no one "got" it - we get it here.  Even those of us who are pregnant or have children, the feeling of it being so... not the way it's supposed to be! - that is not forgotten.   Once you are into TTC, there is no "it will happen when it's supposed to" happily ever after moments, it's crushing everytime there is a NO.  It hurts to see people around you get pregnant - even though it's not about them, it's about "why not me, too?!".  I still get irritated when I see teenagers getting pregnancy tests.  Even now, at almost 12 weeks pregnant, I still feel twinges over my sister's baby, as she makes me think that I should have been having a baby in March (I was pregnant the first time when I threw her shower). 

 But at the same time, there is an upside that is was hard, that there were struggles. I learned so much about myself, and my husband, and our relationship - and I fell in love with him all over again on another level - much like someone does when they are having a baby.  I got that earlier.  We've been through alot of things together, but nothing so...  self-depricating.  Those times where I felt like a complete and total failure, I knew I could lean on him to straighten me out.  I knew alot of my emotions were not rational, and I used him to help me through it. 

I tried everything I could to take my mind off of it, but when you decide you are ready for a baby, is there any way to think about anything else?  I never found anything - but the key to it not being so unbearable was to let it out on the boards.  I found it impossible to stay "positive" about it, for that would be the same as being patient about it!    My key was to not let it build up and compound on itself.  Let it out - that's what we are here for.

Annnnnd that's the end of my novel.   Looking back.. that's huge.  I don't even know if that all made sense, sorry - it just came spilling out LOL!

Christina617

First I want to say that I'm sorry you're dealing with this and feeling this way.  I found it incredibly frustrating to know that my body wasn't working the way it's 'supposed' to or the way the majority of women's bodies do.  The not knowing and the waiting are so difficult. 

I'm glad that you talked it over with your mom.  I found it helpful to have people to turn to who knew how I was feeling and who could offer support.  If you're not already, make sure to lean on your DH too.  Share all of this with him... feelings, fears, frustrations, realities, etc. Along the same lines as what Megan said ... the struggle brought DH and I closer together.  There wasn't anything he could do to fix it but we were a team & in the struggle together.  It made us stronger individually and as a couple.  I'm not sure that I would have completed our first injectable cycle if he had not been there to encourage me.  I felt like a science project and wanted to give up.  Then when it resulted in a BFN we were both heartbroken but we focused on having each other.  It sounds easy to say but after we let ourselves be sad over disappointments, we focused on the positives in our lives.  We talked about how great we felt our life was, what we loved about our lives and each other.  I made plans with friends, focused on house projects, etc.  All the while, it was still on my mind but I wasn't allowing the sad parts to take over.  Yes, I'd allow myself to feel jealous and sad ... you can't help how you feel... but I didn't want to be bitter.

Good news about a positive OPK but I'm so sorry that it didn't work out.  Have you thought about a fertiliy monitor so it keeps track of your whole cycle rather than trying to deicpher OPK's or picking the days to try them?  I would be proactive with your doctor too.  If you aren't ovulating then there are options to help with that.

Sending positive thoughts and vibes your way!!

fxz109

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I don't have too much advice to offer, other than I completely agree with Mrs. McJeep that you should get a second opinion - see a different OB/GYN or even request to see an Reproductive Endocronologist. 

And even though it's hard to see all the BFPs, take heart that many women on here were successful after so many different issues.  And that it's not that uncommon, even if it feels like it is. 

bridz2be

Thanks for all of your feedback and support. I think it really helps to know that you're not alone in all of this. When I think of so many ladies on this board who have had problems in the past and now have beautiful babies or who are expecting, it does put things in to perspective. DH has been great through everything. It is disappointing for both of us, and he has been a huge support for me, helping me work through my feelings of "inadequacy"--that broken feeling when things don't seem to be working of how you expect them to or just the disappointment that we both feel when it is another NO. He is able to take the ups and downs so much better than I am and has kind of become what keeps me grounded and laughing at the end of the day. Also, letting it out to my mom was so helpful, just because I felt like I have been hiding this part of me that has this heavy weight on it.

Christina--we are going to invest in a fertility monitor. We've discussed it before, and we were kind of giving it time hoping we wouldn't need it. DH said it was time to go and get one and I agree. We're also going back to charting. Two doctors said it was a waste of time for me given each cycle is different. I stopped early fall, so really just before this last cycle and shouldn't have. It is useful data regardless.

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling much more positive today after getting my feelings out and knowing that these feelings are to be expected. Thanks for your support!?

?

ntnylizard

I know I haven't faced near the challenges many women have, but I am familiar with unpredictable, looooong cycles.

For what it's worth, "giving up" seemed to be the trick for us.  I went of BC in July, and I never got a period.  I also started charting in July, and DH and I kept the "it could be any day now" sex-at-least-every-third-day routine going until mid-October.  Then we gave up actively trying, charting, worrying, etc. and went back to our lives as usual before TTC stress.  I know it could just be coincidence, but my doctor is a big believer in the body reacting or not reacting to stress, too.  But whaddya know, I must have ovulated one time toward the end of October, and my "let's start exploring what might be wrong" appointment in November with my OB ended up being the blood test that confirmed my BFP. 

We had resigned ourselves early to the idea that since TTC was hard for so many, we'd likely have problems.  Taking a break from stressing and trying was what triggered something for us.  I can't imagine how hard it would be to take a break once you've committed to OPKs and fertility predictors, but you never know -- it might work for you.  My doctor said she has heard it so many times it's like a familiar song -- "it wasn't until we stopped trying that we got pregnant"

Good luck, and strength to you in whatever you decide.

MOORENOLES

Hi Megan!  I'm so sorry that you are feeling down lately.  I remember feeling that way as well and it isn't fun!  I also suffer from LONG irregular cycles.  I was charting for a full year and if I showed you my charts you will see a very inconsistent pattern.  One cycle would be 30 days and then the next will be 55.  I did not O on the same cycle day either so I feel your frustrations.  The first time I got pregnant I was in shock and couldn't believe it.  My thoughts of excitement quickly turned to grieving as I lost the baby.  My emotions were all over the place and then having to try again with several months of BFNs.  It is definitely not easy but DH and I just made the best of it.  Like Christina said...it did make us closer and stronger because of what we went though with the miscarriage and TTC.  I was also getting the same comments from family members all the time and also the comments from people that didn't know we miscarried.  It was tough but we made it.  Hang in there...I'm always thinking and praying for those having trouble TTC.  I hope your lucky cycle is right around the corner.