Need Help with an IF situation (SAIFW)

JackieMac824 · January 2009

No flames please.

My co-worker and good friend's daughter is pregnant - and for some reason - I am super jealous - I do not really care much for the daughter but that is a whole other story. Anyway - my co-worker knows about my IF and that we just found out that we had to do IVF - but she choose to tell me about the pregnancy at a nice dinner - which runined my night - anyway - she kept talking about it - how far along she was and that she was going to be a granny and the baby shower and about being in the delivery room - it took all I could not to get up and leave.

So the point I am getting to is that I cannot talk about this everyday with her. I honestly do not want to hear about it at all - I just cannot right now. I know she is going to want to talk about it all of the time - it is her first grandchild - so what do I do? How do I tell her that I cannot listen to her go on and on about a baby (who by the way was not even plan and she thought about aborting it) when I am struggle right now with IF. I know she is going to get upset either way - so how can I say it to her without making her pissed or sounded like a jackass?

lnle · January 2009

you could either be indirect about it by changing the subject or "suddenly remembering a phone call you have to make" every time she brings it up

or you could say something like "I'm really happy for you about being a grandma but right now it's hard for me to talk about babies b/c I'm so sad that I don't have one" - that way you're not saying that she's being annoying - you're just expressing your feelings

good luck!

SheWoreScarletBegonias · January 2009

I agree with lnle. I think you need to be honest with her and the next time she brings it up, simply tell her, while you are happy for her to be a grandma, due to your struggles in your life with having to do IVF, it is very difficult to hear about someone else' sucess and happiness when you are so sad.

Hopefully once she hears where you are coming from, she will back off with the constant chatter about it and be more sensitive to your feelings.

If that doesn't work and she still keeps on and on about it, then I would immediately change the topic when she starts in with the baby talk or simply walk away if topic changing doesn't work (some people are really dense).

Jenn

TheCalhoons · January 2009

I agree with the others. Just be honest with her. Tell her it hurts to talk about pg and babies.

charmcitygirl · January 2009

If she's your good friend, then you should be able to talk to her about how you're feeling. While you certainly want to be happy for her (and her daughter, even if you don't like her that much), you're still dealing with your own issues. Can you tell her that talking about her daughter's pregnancy all the time makes you sad for what you don't have and that you would like to talk about it less? I know its a hard conversation to have, but perhaps she doesn't understand how sad all this conversation is for you. (hugs)

meechrobi · January 2009

I agree with the others. I would probably start the conversation by saying first how very happy you are for her and her daughter--- this way she knows that you are not being jealous or bitter.

Such a sucky conversation to have to have. Big hugs to you!

Dr.Loretta · January 2009

If I were in your shoes, i wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings. You have to look out for you. I'd simply tell her, "I know you're excited about your grandchild, but i'm having a really hard time with my current situation and would appreciate if you didn't discuss this with me right now."

IMO that's not very jackass-y and gets the point across.

igh0318 · January 2009

I agree with the PP's. Be honest about your feelings and tell her that you are happy for her but sad for yourself. There's nothing wrong with telling her that it is too difficult for you to hear about the baby and pregnancy every day. GL! Let us know how it goes.

Amy720 · January 2009

Like some of the previous posters said, I would just tell her that although you're happy for her, it makes you sad when you have to hear about pregnancy and babies all the time. It's hard to understand unless you've been though IF just how hard hearing about babies is and seeing pregnant women. I hope she's a good enough friend to understand.