disciplining a toddler

tfarabians

I'm sort of at a loss lately.  At our toddler class they told us that time outs really should not come into effect until your toddler can communicate that they understand why they are having a time out.  Well Cruz only has about 3 or 4 words at this point.  MA MA, DA DA, UH OH, and Bye bye.

So his new thing is that he comes into the kitchen and wants me to pick him up so he can scan the counters and see what he might be able to reach.  I try to deter him with a cracker or pretzel and if he still wants up I will pick him up or sit down on the floor with him and talk to him for a minute but now if I sit down or don't continue to hold him he will spit out his food or if he doesn't have any food he will spit on the floor because he knows it makes me mad.  He actually does this everytime he decides he is mad at me.   

So I get down to his eye level take both of his hands in mine and tell him "we don't spit on the floor"  he laughs at me and then runs away.  I have tried ignoring him when he spits but he just continues to do it.  Thoughts on how to stop this behavior....besides a piece of tape over his mouth lol???  Ack I'm a very frusterated mommy!

Seattle_JiLLn

It's so hard.   And yeah, I agree that it's probably too early for time outs.  We do them a very little bit with Ben and I think he's starting to "get" it, but he's 2 and a lot farther along with communication.

 

The laughing in your face part drives me NUTS.  Ben does it too.  I think I've decided that it's his way of reacting to being embarrassed or uncomfortable.  I think it's not so much that he's laughing at me or taunting, mre just that he's trying to change the subject.  THat makes me feel better about it.

I knwo the Dr. Sears "Discipline Book" is a good one, although I haven't read it yet.   John Gottman also has a good book on "Raising and Emotionally Intelligent Child" - I have heard him talk on this subject and it's really good.   Maybe get those books from the library and see if you like them.  Oh, and The Happiest Toddler ont eh Block is another that some of my friends have liked.

 I think some of it is trying to help him understand his emotions.  So when he does it, say "I know you're frustrated because you want get on the counters.  I am trying to keep you safe so we have to play on the floor."  or something like that.   And help him understand that you know what he's feeling and htat you understand what he wants.   Try to do that before the spitting, when you see him starting to melt down. 

It sucks, I know.  And I will say it's going to get worse before it gets better.  My friends and I (with 2 year olds) are all in this CRAZY dramatic over-reacting phase with our kids.  It's nuts.  I feel like he needs to be on bi-polar meds or something!  

cmcmillan

When Mason wants to see what I am doing, while cooking, I will put him up in his highchair and roll it over to our island so he can watch.  I will give him a snack (or part of dinner), maybe his crayons or stickers and paper. 

Jill had some good ideas also, it is a hard time.  We have only done 1 time out, for maybe 30 seconds. Just long enough for me to clean up a mess he was trying to mess up even more, then I had him help clean the floor once the mess itself was gone.  

Nancy_Drew

Spitting?  Wow, that's pretty crazy.  sorry. 

I've tried time outs a few times, usually for hitting or pinching.  It takes putting her away from anything MORE than once before she gets she is trouble then will be pensive.  When she has sat there for a bit, then I'll say OK, come give me a hug and then we move on. 

When she is really being a piece of work, we try to distract her with something we KNOW she likes to do.  SHe can understand alot of what we tell her, and she LOVES to fill up the dog's dish with food.  (Get the bin out of the pantry, bring it over to teh bowl, I help to fill it up, then she puts it away herself) or throw something into the garbage, put money in her piggy bank,  her newest love, is when we tell her to go get a particular book.  She will run upstairs, and actually bring that book down to us!  (We do this over and over since it keeps her occupied plus we are testing to see how many she can get right... she gets them ALL right!)  lol

So basically, we do the "we don't do XYZ, but do you want to do XXXX (one of her favorite things) to distract her from the naughty thing she was doing in the first place.  Usually the favorite thing will win out. 

pixelvixen

We only do time-outs with things that Payton understands (hitting, biting, pinching).  She even tells us what she's going to do before she does it ("No hit?" then hits me.) I don't think she'd get the spitting out because it's a way for her to communicate that she can't get what she wants and she's mad.

Redirecting is usually the best way, I've found, to get her to stop doing something I don't want her to do.  I've also noticed that if I react, she continues to do things over and over because she wants that attention.  Drives me nuts too.

They sure like to test us, don't they??  ARGH.

indigo91804

Liam went through a phase of spitting out his milk and throwing his food on the floor. He still laughs when he gets in trouble. I don't think it is from lack of communication skills, more the attention he gets from the behavior. At that age I don't think Liam realized why we were mad. A reaction from us was just computed as attention. Find a discipline style and stick to it.?

RebeccaBG

I'm so sorry to hear that he's spitting! Toddlers at this age can understand WAY more than they can communicate and that includes knowing what buttons to push do to get your attention. I try to distract dd whenever I can and we have used timeouts when it involves hurting someone or when we have asked her not to do something but she does it anway (like thowing food on the floor. She knows now that if she throws food the meal is over). So far both have worked. You could also try giving him a cup (if you can anticipate when he's going to spit) and explain to him that if he needs to spit he can spit in the cup and not on the floor. Good luck!

MissBlush

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say that I understand the frustration. ?Evie bites, and I look her in the eye and tell her firmly, "No biting," and she laughs at me. ?I KNOW she understands me, and the laughing is really infuriating. ?I hate yelling and refuse to yell even when I'm really mad, but I totally understand now why a lot of parents do it.

Lately I've been praying for patience, and I haven't lost control yet:). ?Good luck.