how involved are in laws with DC?

TriciaChick

I don't know why I let this upset me so much but I feel like DH' s parents couldn't care less about spending time with DS.  Up  until a month ago they lived less than a mile from us and never once dropped by to see him or called to make arrangments to spend time with him.    When I would ask them to babaysit (which was rarely because I felt like I was putting them out when I called) it was like this long drawn out process to find out if they would be able to do it or not. The last 2 times which were over 2 months ago we asked MIL to babysit were a disaster. 

The first time I had a wedding shower to go to and she completely forgot to come even though we reminded her the night before.  The next time she promised to watch him over night so I could get the house ready for xmas and 10 min before I was to take him over she called to tell me that she was sorry but would not be able to take him because they reilized that they have way too much to do to get ready for xmas themselves and even though it takes stress off me it puts stress on them. 

They moved up north since retiring and never made an effort to see their grandson more becuase they were so busy renovating their already really nice house up north.  I guess this may sound petty but I am so used to my parents jumping at any chance to watch him and I remember how involved both sets of my grandparents were growing up that this is rather hurtful to me.  Can anyone relate?  Thanks so much for reading.

minnasmommy

the way I look at it---it is what it is. they aren't going to change. just accept it and move on and don't expect ANYTHING At ALL from them. It's sad, but that's how we have to deal with some of our family members!?

sorry! ?

jaredswife

My inlaws are 2 and 3 hours away.  But, that still isnt very far.  The only see DS a few times a year.  Holidays and his birthday are mainly it, but those are all within a month of each other.  We may see them once or twice the rest of the year besides that. 

emilykristene2006

We moved my MIL down here because she wanted to be closer to her grandchildren. She's been here since May and I have to call her to invite her for dinner. I told her she was welcome anytime. She did not have to call. She just will not come over on her own.

When she got here she was so excited about all the stores we have. She said, "I have missed out on so much shopping!" So, she'd rather shot than see her only grandchildren.

DevonPow

My in-laws are very involved - they live a 4 houor plane ride away but fly in every 2 months or so to watch him for a weekend.

On the other hand, my mom has only met DS once. There's always something.

lsufan

That's tough. ?I guess just make it clear to them that you want them to have a relationship with your son. ?But it does sound like it would be better for your sanity just to accept that they aren't that involved. ?If you don't have any expectations, you can't be disappointed.

brightning

My FIL is dead. My MIL doesn't seem to care much. Thankfully, she lives OOT and we only see her once a year. She asks for gift suggestions at bday and Christmas, and then buys things that are completely age-inappropriate. She just doesn't care.

It is hurtful that she doesn't seem to care, esp since my family is constantly sending things for DD, asking about her, wanting pics, etc., and they live 2,000 miles away. I know how hard it is, but in a way I just look at my family as her "real" grandparents and MIL as this weird lady who comes around once a year. I don't feel like pushing it, because I really dn't believe people will change unless they want to, and I don't think MIL wants to be an involved grandparent. It's not ideal, but it's what she is. If I stress about it, I only get upset.