@emeraldcity603 my breastfeeding journey with my first baby was AWFUL. He had a severely recessed jaw and could not latch. He had too weak of a suckle to even hold a binky in his mouth. Yet, not one single doctor, ped or lactation consultant seemed to think there were any issues? Looking back it was asinine. By the time he was two weeks old, kept losing weight, hadn't pooped in almost a week, I switched to pumping and bottle feeding exclusively. I was very lucky to 1. Be insanely determined and 2. Have a really huge oversupply, because I developed sepsis 5 weeks postpartum and when I was in the hospital/having surgery, they refused to provide me a pump the entire week because I wasn't on the mother baby floor 🙄 not that any of the drugs I was on were bfing friendly, but by the time I got home I went from pumping 16+ oz in 20 minutes every 3 hours, to getting .5 oz in 45 minutes. It was so devastating and I worried our journey was over! But I managed to get my supply back fairly quickly power-pumping, and we made it to 1 on breastmilk! Then baby 2 nursed very successfully until 2y9m (stopped because I developed a nursing aversion while pregnant with #3), and baby 3 nursed until just after she turned 2 (again, nursing aversion from pregnancy). I always have anxiety about having another baby who can't latch, but I do know that it's possible to make it work and that I'm stubborn enough to do it! But I totally acknowledge that for some people, my path wouldn't have been worth it to them and that's fair. And I also would probably not let another LC near me at this point 😂 I've got it, I've been nursing almost constantly for 8 years with just a few months break in between. And I've heard too much terrible advice, and my husband is very much to type to remind me "the LC said this" and it would be annoying lol
@thescarletmom my second son (DH’s first son) had pyloric stenosis. It was rough. He would nurse and just vomit it all up right away or wait 6 hours after sleeping and immediately vomiting it all over me. It was so bad. So that journey had different struggles. I kept him hydrated and my supply up which was amazing considering he was losing weight and had dropped to the first percentile from the 25th.
I failed my 1 hour glucose test. Not to say I won’t pass the 3 hour test, but given my GD history last baby, I’d be shocked to pass the 3 hour test. I managed it with diet last time, but only had to do that for about 8 weeks. This time is going to be SO much longer. I follow up Wednesday, so will do the 3 hours eventually and cross my fingers I pass by some miracle!
I was thinking about breastfeeding last night and I am really dreading going through it again. I don't want to do it at all because it seems futile but feel like I still have to go through the charade of trying each time. I know supposedly mostly everyone can do it but I really think I have insufficient glandular tissue to make enough milk. Determination does not matter for me, I exclusively BFd my first baby for a year and looking back I am sure he was terribly underfed but people kept encouraging me to BF and not supplement. It's all pretty upsetting.
@RoseShadow873 Why do you want to even attempt if you know would be happier with formula? My best friend attempted with her first and decided to formula feed straight away with her other 2. She mentioned the same reasons you did. There isn’t any right or wrong way to feed your baby. Do what will make you feel the best and enjoy that newborn stage! If BF stresses you and your mental health is better without it don’t do it! Seriously! You are the mom! Do what you need to do. Determination is a key factor when moms have a strong desire to EBF and struggle. I hope my comments didn’t make you feel bad. Fed is always best.
@emeraldcity603 I guess just guilt, I know some milk is still supposed to be beneficial. My husband really pressured me previously as well. I'm not sure what he would say this time if I chose not to try but I suspect he would understand since he saw how it went the other three times. I appreciate your comment!
@RoseShadow873 I am going right to formula feeding this time. I BFed for 24 hours with my daughter and said nope, can’t do it. I felt really guilty about it at first - especially since the formula shortage happened shortly thereafter. But I know it’s going to be better for me mentally and physically and also gives others the chance to help out and bond with the baby. Whatever is right for you, you do it.
If anyone ever gives me guff about it, I always say my husband and I were both formula fed and we turned out alright.
@RoseShadow873 1000% agree that if you are dreading it, it doesn't sound like a good situation for you. Yes, even a little breastmilk is beneficial, but EVERYBODY makes cost benefit analysis as parents. And it sounds like in this case, its not for you! It is not going to harm your baby to formula feed, whether you have a "reason" to or just simply don't want to breastfeed. Your baby, your body, you get to make the decisions that are best for you ❤️ I would hope your husband is supportive, but if he isn't you can let him know he's capable of lactating if he's so committed to it 😌
@fifilala516 I felt so bad for all the parents who needed formula when that shortage happened, especially if you have a baby that had allergies, I can only imagine how scary it was! But I'm glad that it seems like you don't hold on to that guilt because there's nothing to feel guilty over or forgive yourself for. Staunch believer that "healthy mom and baby" is far from the only thing that matters, at birth and beyond. Happy, thriving, confident mom is so important! I'm glad you were able to do what's right for YOU! And why people are so obsessed with how other people's babies are fed boogles my mind to this day. You just *cannot* win I swear. I've heard stories from others who were told terrible things about formula feeding, and I had my own experiences with people telling me I was s*xually abusing and starving my baby by breastfeeding (and my babies weren't starving, they were just mad I wasn't feeding my 2mo solids?) Best to just ignore everybody who's nipples aren't involved in the whole process to begin with
Love all the formula and breast feeding support here. The boards back then in 2015 when I was on were wild! I too am a breastfeeding struggler. With my first I had severe PPD. I quit after a week, and that week was barely feeding and I was supplementing formula. With number two I managed to make it two weeks, but supplemented formula too. While I didn’t suffer with PPD the second time; I was so entirely overwhelmed and tired (like everyone), but I really struggle when my routine is changed and lack of sleep. Everything feels impossible and I shut down. I blame it on my undiagnosed adhd. I thrive so well on the same thing day in and day out. I’ve discussed it with my husband and he’s always been on board for whatever I want to do. I only have one friend that breastfeed her four kids. Other than that, I’ve got no support or education from close family or friends. This time I made mention I really wanted to give things a good go and I’ve already looked into the local lactation consultant in the area. It’s a private practice; not the LCs from hospital. I mentioned it to my husband and he was like “I need you mentally sane, unlike with DS1. Are you sure you’re going to do BF? Because if you try and it’s not going well and your mental health is tanking, you need to seriously think about it.” I think the lack of education for me doesn’t help. It’s always just like stick them on and go and I find that to be so far from the truth. Again, I think it’s that adhd loss of sense of control. Once I’m in routine and have a sense of control and what I’m doing, I’m fine. But That’s why I’m going to that local practice to really see if I can get a good foundation down. I’m totally all for switching to formula if it’s not working, but this time I’ve got this really deep yearning to figure it out. That yearning may dwindle after 3 days with no sleep, who knows. The private practice will meet with you around 32 weeks and then meet with you again 4 days after birth and anytime after that when needed for support, help, weight checks, etc. and my insurance covers it. If you read this far, thanks! Sorry, I’m a very long winded person.
Edit to add; I apparently have inverted nipples? And hospital had me using a nipple shield at first which I struggled with too.
@robinj716 i wish you the best of luck ❤️ even 6 years of nursing later, there is no "just" anything about the first few days and weeks! Each baby is a new experience, for better and for worse. I hope your journey turns out in exactly the way that brings you peace, whether that's a successful breastfeeding journey or guilt-free formula feeding! A few times my husband made some comments about "if its so hard just quit" (the tone was NOT supportive) so I would also make the suggestion to anyone who wants to give breastfeeding another go, to be very clear with their partner what kind of support they want and need. Not everybody wants "permission to give up" and not everybody wants to be told "hey we're out of milk in the fridge" when there's formula already there to feed without burdening mom.
@robinj716 Have you ever tried to pump before latching? The pump will pull your nipples out for the baby. It’s a great little hack for people with flat or inverted nipples. It’s also a good hack for overactive letdown. Once you get your nipples fully drawn out breastfeeding will be a breeze but I’m not going to lie, it is painful until that happens.
@emeraldcity603 I have not! Never even knew that was a thing. I’ll def. Keep that in mind. The one time the nurse came in and she had me hand express into a spoon and feed him that way. No help whatsoever from lactation. Can a hand pump work for this?
@robinj716 It could but the electric pumps are just better. I have had the same medela (is that even how it’s spelled? 😅) for a decade and it still works great. No one told me this hack either. I learned it from groups like this. I think it could be a game changer for you.
Ugh, so tough, and such a controversial topic with so many opinions and experiences. I'm not really the type to sugar coat, but I definitely did not want to let the conversation slide without participating in some fashion in the event that my story, or words could positively impact someone in the group who may not even have the courage to participate and has just been sitting on the sidelines watching these conversations take place.
First off, good job to everyone giving BF (breastfeeding) a try as a FTM (first time mom), or second. As a FTM, it's very difficult to get the milk production going, because your body hasn't done this before. With anything it takes several attempts to either like something or get the hang of it for that matter. BF is very mentally and physically taxing, what isn't with motherhood honestly. It can be a very long journey or a very short journey. You choose when that journey starts or stops. Sometimes it's out of your control too. You can change your mind and start BF six months after birth, difficult, not impossible- it's called relactating. The point is, it's up to you.
After reading some of these accounts, I found it strongly important to state that taking mental health into consideration is extremely important. PPB (postpartum blues) can change into PPD (postpartum depression) very quickly and can be hard to self-identify. The purple crying phase can be daunting, with experience on BF or not. No one wants to hear of a mother harming self or baby, therefore, if you're struggling badly from trying to EBF (exclusively breastfeed) then simply just don't do it. There will likely be guilt, there will maybe even be regret, it's natural we're human, because what mother doesn't want what's best for baby? But you can overcome that once you come to the realization and come to terms that fed is in fact the most important and very best. Bonding happens with both routes. Yes, there are a TON of benefits to BF I'm not going to lie to you and tell you no, the benefits range from ample immunity benefits for baby to benefits for reducing cancers in mom. Our milk composition and quantity changes to what the baby needs nutritionally with age. When a baby is sick and suckles it indicates to your body to release specific compositions to help nurse the baby to health. I could talk about the benefits for days, but in the end I can also still talk to you for days that your mental health and the health of you and baby matter the absolute most, and if that means bottle feeding- do it. Everything else after that won't matter once you see a milk drunk happy baby, you're getting sleep, baby is getting sleep, and you're overall mental health is improving and you two get a routine down. That's what matters in that situation. Never allow other people in your circle who don't support you, talk down, or make you feel less than when your mental health and baby's health was at stake. The ones who will understand, will just get it. EBF is difficult, it's not only challenging in the beginning, but even with multiple you loose sleep regardless, whether you've been doing it for 2 years or 15 years, it's hard, mentally taxing, sleep depriving, exhausting, and not everyone's spouse or situation (financially or otherwise) is the same. Try and tell me different I won't believe you lol. This is why it's vitally important not to compare mother to mother.
There are also so many factors not just milk production that can be an obstacle from deformations on baby to mother and more.
My story: My milk didn't really come in, come in until day 5. That meant for me that from day 1, I was given formula to supplement my newborn until my milk came in. You better believe I leaned on that formula when I needed my body and mental state to rest or have a break from the pump too, but when I woke up I was back at it. I can't explain where that will came from, but the knowledge I have, the ability to always keep pushing during hard times, and all the difficult experiences in my life could be it. From birth to day 5, it was cuddle cuddle cuddle, attempt, attempt attempt. Cracked nipples (lived on lanolin) sore boobs, engorgement, wall powered pumps are stronger so that's what's recommended and why. Then I used a portable once milk came in. Note: in the beginning once your baby is born baby only needs a VERY small amount of milk. Baby's stomach is the size of cherry and hold 5-7 mL, aka not much. Many moms stress baby isn't eating enough but you're not producing much because baby demands aren't much. There are over producers out there of course; but generally speaking FTM, in the beginning, this is what's happening. So don't stress as much on the amount of when you're pumping and only seeing small amounts. Breastmilk (BM) will change in color (colostrum-mature milk) overtime too. Some advice in the hospital, or elsewhere, if you don't vibe with the first lactation consultant (LC) ask for someone else. Not every LC is cut from the same cloth lol.
I would nurse or pump on one side, and the other would leak and I'd catch that with a milk collector (just catches letdown milk/passive milk that comes down, after a hot shower or from nursing/pumping/crying baby..etc). I was never a fan of the Haaka it could have been the type I used but it was so uncomfortable just not for me and that's OK. Figure out what works for YOU. Once the milk is in full mode nursing or pumping is actually a relief from the pain of engorgement. Like everyone has said, every baby and BF journey is different and I myself will be experiencing a new journey with a new baby in just five months time. My journey may be entirely different from my first, and I am prepared for that. Although I am confident with BF, time will tell how my journey will go this time.
Books I recommend for FTM: "What to expect when expecting", "What to expect the first year", "What to expect the second year". These books helped me understand many things with not only breastfeeding but also milestones to expect with baby and changes both mother and baby. I read a few others also that were Christian books relating to being a FTM I recommend also if anyone is interested.
Hope my post doesn't make anyone feel a negative way, not my intention, just wanted to share my experience and I really hope it's inspired to either keep pushing when it's hard, or find solace and guilt free with feeding formula because fed is best. Get that rest, ask for help when you need, advocate for yourself, communicate with your support team, and always always always give yourself grace whatever path you choose or find yourself in.
Re: September Randoms
If anyone ever gives me guff about it, I always say my husband and I were both formula fed and we turned out alright.
Ugh, so tough, and such a controversial topic with so many opinions and experiences. I'm not really the type to sugar coat, but I definitely did not want to let the conversation slide without participating in some fashion in the event that my story, or words could positively impact someone in the group who may not even have the courage to participate and has just been sitting on the sidelines watching these conversations take place.
First off, good job to everyone giving BF (breastfeeding) a try as a FTM (first time mom), or second. As a FTM, it's very difficult to get the milk production going, because your body hasn't done this before. With anything it takes several attempts to either like something or get the hang of it for that matter. BF is very mentally and physically taxing, what isn't with motherhood honestly. It can be a very long journey or a very short journey. You choose when that journey starts or stops. Sometimes it's out of your control too. You can change your mind and start BF six months after birth, difficult, not impossible- it's called relactating. The point is, it's up to you.
After reading some of these accounts, I found it strongly important to state that taking mental health into consideration is extremely important. PPB (postpartum blues) can change into PPD (postpartum depression) very quickly and can be hard to self-identify. The purple crying phase can be daunting, with experience on BF or not. No one wants to hear of a mother harming self or baby, therefore, if you're struggling badly from trying to EBF (exclusively breastfeed) then simply just don't do it. There will likely be guilt, there will maybe even be regret, it's natural we're human, because what mother doesn't want what's best for baby? But you can overcome that once you come to the realization and come to terms that fed is in fact the most important and very best. Bonding happens with both routes. Yes, there are a TON of benefits to BF I'm not going to lie to you and tell you no, the benefits range from ample immunity benefits for baby to benefits for reducing cancers in mom. Our milk composition and quantity changes to what the baby needs nutritionally with age. When a baby is sick and suckles it indicates to your body to release specific compositions to help nurse the baby to health. I could talk about the benefits for days, but in the end I can also still talk to you for days that your mental health and the health of you and baby matter the absolute most, and if that means bottle feeding- do it. Everything else after that won't matter once you see a milk drunk happy baby, you're getting sleep, baby is getting sleep, and you're overall mental health is improving and you two get a routine down. That's what matters in that situation. Never allow other people in your circle who don't support you, talk down, or make you feel less than when your mental health and baby's health was at stake. The ones who will understand, will just get it. EBF is difficult, it's not only challenging in the beginning, but even with multiple you loose sleep regardless, whether you've been doing it for 2 years or 15 years, it's hard, mentally taxing, sleep depriving, exhausting, and not everyone's spouse or situation (financially or otherwise) is the same. Try and tell me different I won't believe you lol. This is why it's vitally important not to compare mother to mother.
There are also so many factors not just milk production that can be an obstacle from deformations on baby to mother and more.
My story: My milk didn't really come in, come in until day 5. That meant for me that from day 1, I was given formula to supplement my newborn until my milk came in. You better believe I leaned on that formula when I needed my body and mental state to rest or have a break from the pump too, but when I woke up I was back at it. I can't explain where that will came from, but the knowledge I have, the ability to always keep pushing during hard times, and all the difficult experiences in my life could be it. From birth to day 5, it was cuddle cuddle cuddle, attempt, attempt attempt. Cracked nipples (lived on lanolin) sore boobs, engorgement, wall powered pumps are stronger so that's what's recommended and why. Then I used a portable once milk came in. Note: in the beginning once your baby is born baby only needs a VERY small amount of milk. Baby's stomach is the size of cherry and hold 5-7 mL, aka not much. Many moms stress baby isn't eating enough but you're not producing much because baby demands aren't much. There are over producers out there of course; but generally speaking FTM, in the beginning, this is what's happening. So don't stress as much on the amount of when you're pumping and only seeing small amounts. Breastmilk (BM) will change in color (colostrum-mature milk) overtime too. Some advice in the hospital, or elsewhere, if you don't vibe with the first lactation consultant (LC) ask for someone else. Not every LC is cut from the same cloth lol.
I would nurse or pump on one side, and the other would leak and I'd catch that with a milk collector (just catches letdown milk/passive milk that comes down, after a hot shower or from nursing/pumping/crying baby..etc). I was never a fan of the Haaka it could have been the type I used but it was so uncomfortable just not for me and that's OK. Figure out what works for YOU. Once the milk is in full mode nursing or pumping is actually a relief from the pain of engorgement. Like everyone has said, every baby and BF journey is different and I myself will be experiencing a new journey with a new baby in just five months time. My journey may be entirely different from my first, and I am prepared for that. Although I am confident with BF, time will tell how my journey will go this time.
Books I recommend for FTM: "What to expect when expecting", "What to expect the first year", "What to expect the second year". These books helped me understand many things with not only breastfeeding but also milestones to expect with baby and changes both mother and baby. I read a few others also that were Christian books relating to being a FTM I recommend also if anyone is interested.
Hope my post doesn't make anyone feel a negative way, not my intention, just wanted to share my experience and I really hope it's inspired to either keep pushing when it's hard, or find solace and guilt free with feeding formula because fed is best. Get that rest, ask for help when you need, advocate for yourself, communicate with your support team, and always always always give yourself grace whatever path you choose or find yourself in.