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3rd Trimester
mrandmrsilcyn
member
Baby Boundaries
mrandmrsilcyn
member
Hi everyone! I wanted to get some feedback on a text I plan sending out to my husband and I’s immediate families establishing boundaries after the baby is born.
Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated!
Hi everyone!
We can’t believe how fast this time has gone and how rapidly we are approaching the arrival of our little baby Boo 🥹 As little Boo’s birth approaches, we know how excited everyone is to meet him/her. This is a very happy time in all of our lives, but also one that comes with plenty of anxiety, stress, and worries too. We ask that you kindly bear with us and give us peace and grace as we begin navigating parenthood.
Below is a list of topics and boundaries both Michael and Noël have discussed and kindly request are respected when coming to see our little one.
Please note that by no means are we forcing anyone to do anything they are uncomfortable with. However, if you feel you are unable or uncomfortable with any of the boundaries listed below, we kindly ask you refrain from visiting during this critical time period and respect our choices.
- Labor, Birth, & Postpartum
- In a post-COVID world unfortunately many restrictions in hospital still remain in place even today. At Saint Peter’s, only one support person is allowed in the Labor & Delivery Room in addition to the medical team. Therefore, please understand that at this time Michael will be the only one present in the room during labor and delivery. (This does not include any unforeseen circumstances and/or God-forbid emergency scenarios, in which case we have alternative plans that would be put in place at that time)
- New research and data shows the importance of what has become to be known as “Golden Hour” after the baby is born. Golden Hour refers to the first 1-3hours after the baby is born in which several things are promoted including: skin-to-skin with both mom and dad, delayed cord clamping, and early breastfeeding initiation. These important initiatives are proven to improve the overall health of the baby, regulate/maintain baby’s homeostasis, regulate hormone function, and promote bonding. After birth, Noël, Michael, and Baby Boo will then be moved from the Labor/Delivery unit to the Mother/Baby unit. Therefore in light of these factors, please understand that even after delivery there will be an additional period of waiting before visitors will be permitted to see Noël, Michael, and the little Baby Boo.
- Once moved to the Mother/Baby unit, a maximum of 3 visitors are permitted at a time per St. Peter’s Visitation Policy. Therefore please understand that for the first day we kindly only request immediate family during visitation hours. Additionally, since only 3 visitors are allowed at a time, please be mindful of your length of stay in order to ensure Noël, Michael, and Baby Boo’s rest and recovery, as well as allowing time for all other family members and friends the chance to visit.
- We know how cute babies can be! So of course we encourage all the pictures and video taping of the baby or with yourself and the baby! However, please note that at this time politely ask that no photos of the baby be shared on social media or with other friends/family members until Noël and Michael have the chance to formally announce the birth of their first child.
- For those who have gone through it, they know that postpartum can be a vulnerable and quite frankly embarrassing time for mom as her body is going through a multitude of changes physically, emotionally, and mentally. Therefore we ask that you please kindly respect her privacy in avoiding taking any photos/videos of her as she is recovering in hospital.
- Health Considerations
- Pertussis is a life-threatening illness that affects the breathing and health of the lungs in infants. A study performed by BNC Infectious Diseases in 2019 yielded results of “mortality [rates] of severe pertussis was 34.2%, with patients younger than 6 weeks accounting for total of 76.9% of the deaths for that age group.” Therefore, with these staggering statistics we kindly ask that all who will be in contact with little Boo receive the DTap vaccine before his/her arrival (you can get this vaccine at any CVS/Walgreens by appointment)! If however you are uncomfortable with receiving vaccines we completely understand and respect your decision. We just kindly ask that you refrain from visiting until our little one can receive the vaccine themselves (at approximately 2 months)
- The best way to prevent illness? Soap and Water! Therefore we kindly ask before holding the baby that you please wash your hands. Please also take special care and attention to the scrub underneath of any long fingernails as a baby’s skin is delicate and scratches open a portal to infection.
- We know babies are just so darn kissable! But unfortunately kissing an infant can come with major risks to his/her health. Through both Passive and Active Immunity, a baby’s immune system does not reach full maturity until 2-3 months. So we kindly ask you refrain from kissing our little one during this time.
- Additionally, in regard to the baby’s immunity, we ask that if you are feeling unwell (cough, shivers, or sniffles!) please refrain from visits until you are feeling 100% again! What might seem like a “minor cold” or “allergies” to an adult can be devastating for a baby!
- Home Visitation
- Those that have been first-time parents before know that having a newborn at home means navigating through uncharted waters. Between feeding, sleeping, and changing schedules, the hours and days tend to blur! Therefore our goal during this time is to focus on bonding/caring for our little one and establishing our “new normal”. Between putting the little one down for a nap, pumping/feeding, or even just getting a bit of shuteye ourselves we will be BUSY. That is why we graciously request that you either call or message Noël or Michael before stopping by, and keeping visits short and sweet!
We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for respecting our wishes as first time parents. But above all we want to thank each and every one of you for your unending and unconditional love and support for Noël, Michael, and Boo! We know this little one is already loved and blessed beyond what we could ever possibly fathom!
Re: Baby Boundaries
You don't want people visiting or sharing the news. Do not tell anyone you are going to L&D. Let closest relatives know after baby is born and you are done settling in the postpartum room. Ready for people to start visiting. We did that and it was amazing.
This text you want to send is so crunchy. In all seriousness fingernails? A bit dramatic - may as well set up doctors scrub in sink at the house.
You do you, but in all seriousness don't be supposed you tick off a lot a family with this. There are much better ways to approach this.
Personally, we didn't let family members know when baby arrived or even when I was going into labor, unless they were people we wanted to be there shortly after baby was born. The whole part about the couple being the only ones in he delivery room and the golden hour time can be removed if you decide to let people know after you've had time to spend together after delivery. If they ask why you didn't tell them earlier, then you can bring up your concerns, or not 😊.
Sadly, depending on your family, the part about washing hands and staying away if not feeling well might be very needed, especially with the older generation. ( I do agree that the part about fingernails is a bit much) . We had very supportive family members ourselves, and have immuno compromised people in our close family, so these things didn't really needed to be repeated for our situation, because everyone knew to wash hands, not kiss baby etc... this might be something you mention one on one when they walk in the door "hey could you wash your hands before you hold baby please" or even not letting people hold baby until they are a bit older. You are the parents and you get to decide what you are comfortable with.
The vaccine issue is still a touchy subject, but I think it needs to be said so everyone is on the same page, especially if baby has underlying health concerns. Your explanation is a little long and I personally don't think you need to give all the evidence. A simple "we ask that people visiting within the first 2 months be vaccinated with TDAP because of concerns for baby's health. If you choose not to vaccinate we respect your decision and will see you once baby has their vaccine and/or a stronger immune system". Is enough imho. People might get upset, and it can be frustrating for them, but as a parent you can do what you think is right for your child.
Also, if you don't want people holding/touching baby, invest in a good baby carrier (with a newborn insert if it's not a specified newborn carrier). This worked so well for us with our little ones. Just have them in the carrier when people are over. If they fall asleep, even better, and just say "sorry, baby is content now, don't want to take them out and have them cry". I'm the type of person who has trouble saying "no" so this helped me so much when my babies were little.
I also agree your text is very long and I'd probably just skim it if I myself received it 😅 some of the points may be better off just discussing/mentioning in person (washing hands, please no photos, etc) while others they kind of have to know ahead of time (vaccine, stay away if not feeling well). Like I said before, you don't actually need to let people know when you go into labor and even when baby has arrived. You can message them after you've rested and bonded with baby, that's totally ok. Plus having that time without your phones, having to answer people's messages and keep up with expectations, is actually really good for you as a growing family unit ❤️
I don't agree with all of the boundaries you've listed, but it doesn't matter what I think. It's not my kid. If I were your family member, I would read your limitations and act accordingly. And I'd be grateful for a clear understanding of what is cool with you.
My family and friends know that, especially as it relates to our baby, you can follow our rules or you can not have access to us. It is very matter of fact with no awkwardness or hard feelings or tip toeing around peoples' personal desires, and honestly everyone has a very easy time staying in line when you just have a simple rule and stick to it. Clear boundaries are a gift we all give each other.
I think you could very easily simplify this to a basic "no visitors until X hours after baby is born," "no photos please," "no kissing the baby," etc etc.