Step Mothers In-law...

lexxipaige

So a little context here:
My husbands parents are divorced
His mom got together with another man after the fact and has been with him since my husband was 7 (very much as father figure)
His dad got remarried about 6 years ago long after my husband had left the home and we started dating. 
He does not refer to her as a step Mother, does not rightly care for her, and personally, she has slighted me more times than I care for.
However,  last night he informed me that our plan for a pregnancy reveal would need to include her as she'd "feel bad" if we didn't consider her a grandparent.
Call it pregnancy hormones, but i had a bit of a breakdown and told him that she had no reason to have such a title. She has kids of her own from her first marriage, she's never acted as a mother figure to him, and the idea of spending my child's life twitching over the idea of them calling her grandma makes me unbelievably mad. 
He says I should just deal with it because it will make his life more difficult if we don't and that "just being nice to her might make things easier." 
I have been nice to her and do my best to always do so, she finds it easier to take advantage of that and I've learned not to care for it much. 
I guess I just want to know everyone's else's experience with things like this. I very much want his dad to enjoy this special time, but I'm not sure how well my filter will hold when it comes to her...

rainwaterdroplet

I have a similar situation. My husband's mom died when he was 16, and his dad remarried when he was 19. So for all intents and purposes, his stepmom is not a mother figure, he was grown when she came into his life. He told her when we got pregnant and she just didn't seem excited and I think it upset my husband. I think for the most part our baby won't see her frequently (she lives like a mile away and he sees her 3 times a year or so) so meh.

I think in your case, if you want his dad to be involved they are a packed deal so you might have to just deal with her. Obviously put boundaries in place, but I don't think it's possible to have dad involved and also go NC with her.