Am I wrong for not wanting my husband fathers fiancé to be called grandma

n-steele25

My husband (26M) and I (25F) are having our first baby. My husbands father(58M) divorced from his mother(53F) and is now engaged to a much younger women (31F) she does not want kids and has none. When we talk about the baby my father in law and her keep referring to her as its grandma this makes me very uncomfortable as she is the same age a my sister. I don’t know how to tell her that because of her age I don’t think it’s appropriate that my kids think of her as their grandma. I don’t want to be mean we’re not super close but I would still like to be kind while setting a firm boundary any one have any advice or think this is unfair of me.

gravcass

I am in the EXACT boat. My dad (64) is engaged to a 31 year old. The woman is 5 years younger than ME and refers to herself (jokingly) as grandma. This is my third child and I've learned that whatever you call them, the kids will follow suit. You don't even have to have a boundary convo with them. Think of a nickname and start calling her that when little one is baby and it will naturally be her new name. 
Nini, meme, nawne, Kiki, whatever you want. Just make it cute. 

cuveema12-23

That sounds like a really rough and uncomfortable situation! I am so sorry you’re dealing with that.  Your feelings are valid, age aside a lot of people do not want step parents to be given the same name.  

My advice, is maybe start thinking about what she should be called (name, step-grandma, etc) and get your husbands support and have the discussion together. Personally- my husband leads challenging conversations with his family and I lead them with mine.  We find it helps prevent long term ill feelings and blame. 

readsalott1013

I’m sorry you’re going through that. I agree with you and your position, but probably because mine is similar. 

My mother-in-law has her “life long boyfriend” (she doesn’t want to remarry after her divorce) that she wants my two girls (3.5yrs and 21mths) as well as baby 3 on the way, to call him Grandpa. I make sure to always stress his first name to them, NOT grandpa, because he isn’t. He isn’t their family by blood or marriage. 

To me, titles of this nature are important. They aren’t something you just freely hand out and use. They mean something. Thus, if you don’t want your kids to call your father’s fiancé “Grandma” then they shouldn’t. Especially considering her age that’s not something she’s earned in life yet. 

But just my opinion. 🙂