MIL issue

knottied35af1098e089048

My MIL wants to come for the birth of my baby. 

I asked my husband to tell her to wait a few weeks since this is my first baby and I’m going to be learning how to be a mom. My mom will be here for the birth but it’s my mom, it really is different, specially because both my husband and I don’t have a good relationship with my MIL. But he believes that because my mom will be here, his mom also has the right to be here. 

On top of that she just asked to bring her dog too! I have 2 dogs that are the babies of the house right now so it will be hard to bring a new baby AND to have another dog at the same time. 

I told my husband that she is not to bring the dog and that’s non negotiable. I also told him that if he is not going to tell her to wait a few weeks to come and visit that she is not welcome in the delivery room and that’s also non negotiable.

Am I being unreasonable? 

bluecampanula

No to the dog. Unless it's a legit service dog, no! Leave your pets at home!

And no, not everybody needs to be in the delivery room. Less is usually better. 

Generally I think it's kinda harsh to say "a few weeks" to grandparents. The birth is certaintly not all about them, but it is still a significant moment in their lives. I know you wrote you don't have a good relationship, but there's a wide range between "our personalities don't mesh" and "downright abusive," and I can't know exactly where you fall. But I would be inclined to find a solution that also falls in the middle. 

If she doesn't live too far away (like an airplane ride) then something like popping over after you get home for a limited amount of time - like an hour or two - during which time your husband can field the vast majority of the social interaction, as well as letting her know when it's time to go, could work. Another option would be letting her visit in hospital after you're in the recovery room, yes it's a vulnerable time, but you have the added help that it's obvious she can't just move in there and become an overnight guest who demands more hosting, AND you can have the nurses help you keep the visit short (like 30 minutes) and they'll make sure she leaves.  (Nurses won't have the relational pressure to give in to her feelings like your husband might). 

If you can swing something like that, then you've played nice and let her see the newborn baby, and can then postpone any longer, more involved visits until much later. 

I'll also give you a heads up that babies change a lot over the first few months, so in a few weeks you may have found your groove only for your baby to switch things up. You'll be fine, just know that babies develop so much the first year, you also get to do a lot of adapting.