October 2024 Moms

Lack of bonding

vkyoungvkyoung member
edited October 2024 in October 2024 Moms
This is my first baby. I had a c section. Baby was not planned but I was still decently excited about it. I had a terrible pregnancy. My employer was being a dick and I fought them to accommodate my needs. I had MAD sciatic nerve pain and pelvic pain. It hurt getting in and out of bed. Hurt to roll over. After c section I was in a good amount of pain for 7 days. My boyfriend’s family was silently judging me because during this time I wasn’t holding my baby as much as they felt I should. At 8 and 9 days I felt better from my c section and was able to hang out with baby more. My milk took four days to come in. I was getting shit from people for formula feeding. I’m very grateful my boyfriend is very attached to the baby. He always talks to him. Sings. Sometimes he gets irritated during the night cries but it’s nowhere near as irritated as I get. I look at my boyfriend and see their bonding and wonder why I’m not bonding with the baby yet. It’s been 2.5 weeks. I just feel like I’m “taking care of him” and not bonding emotionally. I feed, change, give him baths, give him some tummy time. But I’m definitely not emotionally attached. I miss my job. I feel useless if I’m not getting house chores done so I honestly do more house chores than I do hanging with the baby. (I do chores during nap times) I just feel that because the baby can’t show facial expressions yet, it just makes me feel like the baby doesn’t like me. I don’t feel any love. What can I do? Oh to top it all off I got sick and ran a fever last night. I feel like I can’t catch a break

Re: Lack of bonding

  • I am sorry you are feeling this way. Becoming a mom is different for everyone and your boyfriend’s family has no right to judge you. I had difficulty breast feeding initially after my first because my little one wouldn’t latch. I was pumping and people were judging me for not trying harder to breast feed. It made me feel guilty because pumping was time I had to spend away from baby, which was a lot of time since they need milk so often. Plus it added dishes to wash which was more time away from baby. 
    Maybe you can ask family for help with the chores so you can have more time to sit and just hold baby? The bonding comes with time, it might take a couple months until you really get into a routine. My first is now 15 months old and I feel filled with so much happiness. If you are still struggling in a couple weeks, bring it up to your doctor at your postpartum check up. It could be postpartum depression- which comes in many forms. 
    Don’t feel guilty - there is no perfect mom and no “normal” response to caring for your child postpartum 
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