I'm scared and I feel alone.

knottiea052cf1fc6a673a8

I'm 20 weeks pregnant in 2 days. Half way. I'm 39 and have an 18 year old daughter and now I'm having a son. I'm just scared. It's been a long time and it's not that I don't think I can do it but im anxious. My belly is really showing now and he kicks alot. It's not like I didn't think it was real before, but now it's real. I have everything I need other then bottles and diapers. I'm doing this alone. I'm with the father but he doesn't help and didn't want me to keep him to begin with. I feel like he's coming around but I just feel scared and alone.

etnyah

Big hugs. Not having support from your partner is a huge deal, I’m so sorry you’re in that situation. I do hope he comes around for you and the little guy. Some dads don’t really grasp the reality of it until baby is born. I hope your partner comes around sooner rather than later and steps up!

No need to answer if you’re not comfortable sharing, but since your partner didn’t want to keep the baby to begin with, is this an unplanned pregnancy? I’m asking because my pregnancy is a surprise too and it just feels so different from the last two that were very planned (and also took several months of trying each). It still doesn’t feel totally real to me that we’re going to have another baby, despite my belly being big and feeling lots of kicks. Unplanned vs planned is like night or day, I have hard days where I just feel mad that I’m pregnant, I was so relieved to never do this again and here I am. I know I’ll love the baby just as much as my big kids, but it’s still very weird and abstract (and probably will be until baby is here). 

But, my husband is very supportive and told me from day one that he’d support any decision I made, and having him in my corner does make all the difference. I’m so sorry you don’t have that support. Are there any other family members or friends you can lean on?

MrsCaliRN

It really sucks to feel that way, especially at a time like this. I’m sorry.
Definitely look for support in friends family, even online! Just don’t do this alone!
My insurance is through Kaiser and they have a Centering Pregnancy group for moms with similar due dates to hangout and learn/re-learn preg and baby stuff. Safe place to talk about life and emotions and everything else that comes during this unique time. I wonder if there are some options like that through your insurance or maybe in your community that you can join?
Sending you warm internet hugs and strength in the meantime.