In Law Problems

jstorz21

My In Laws watch my toddler and I have asked on numerous occasions for my father in law to please remove his shoes, I do not want shoes worn in my house, a request he has ignored. I bought him a pair of shoes that can be worn strictly inside at our house and my husband gave them to him today and my father in laws response was he no longer wants to stay here because we pick on him. Am I crazy is my one request for shoes not to be worn in the house unreasonable? 

sph97

We don’t wear shoes in our house either! 

lqbtqmommy

I personally think that shoes should be taken off as well! But it seems like he's going to be too stubborn to comply with the no shoe rule. It's going to come down to whether it's worth letting that go so that they will continue to watch your toddler. You've done everything you can short of just not having him over. 

jstorz21

My mother in law does all the watching he just sits there and eats cookies and makes a mess, honestly having him in my home makes me feel uncomfortable since he has completely disrespected my one request and he's so bipolar I never know what mood I'm going to get. 

s_eliz8927

Everyone has the right to communicate what they need and determine follow up when those needs aren’t being met. It’s your house. It’s totally valid to make a request of guests, especially such an easy and common one. 

Check out the little book Set Boundaries Find Peace. It has good simple conversation structures for how to set a boundary, common pushback reactions people have to someone setting a boundary, and how to respond when they’re not meeting your boundary. Ideally keeping communication calm and clear, so emotions aren’t driving the show. I wish we were all given then book at 10 years old lol. 

I’m also sorry to hear your father in law is struggling with bipolar symptoms. It sounds like maybe it’s not treated or under control if his mood is swinging. I have family with that diagnosis and it’s a hard neurological condition if it’s not treated well. But it doesn’t negate your own needs at home