March 2024 Moms

Bonding with newborn if second child

This question hurts my heart to even write, but I'm hoping someone out there can relate and/or offer some words of advice because I'm really struggling. My second son was born last week and at the beginning I was so happy and optimistic. But as soon my firstborn came to visit in the hospital, my feelings started changing. Over the past week, I've been sobbing on and off over this and I don't know what to do. I feel so guilty for bringing our newborn into our home because my first son is not happy about it. He is only 23 months old and doesn't say many words yet, so it's hard to tell exactly what he is feeling, but if I had to guess I think he is grieving being the only child. I imagine that he is sad and hurt that our attention is not 100% on him now, and that our routines have been shaken up. I feel like he is confused, sad, and both mad at me and also extra clingy at the same time. It breaks my heart.

So, on one hand I'm feeling so extremely guilty for turning his little world upside down. I feel such an intense love for him right now, it's almost like I'm just now realizing it or something. Like, I have always loved him, but now it feels even more intense and all-consuming. And then on top of these feelings, I'm also feelings guilty for not having equal feelings toward my newborn. Of course, I love my newborn and caring for him, but I don't feel a deep connection. If I'm honest (and this KILLS me to admit, but I need to put it out there), I almost feel a little resentful that our newborn is encroaching on my relationship with my firstborn :( It's horrible, I know. I feel like a terrible mother but I just can't help how I'm feeling. I wish I could! I'm not sure if this is just "baby blues" and postpartum hormones still settling. I'm sure that's part of it. But I am so worried that it's something more permanent. What if I am not capable of loving my newborn as much as my first? What if my firstborn would have been happier as an only child? Have I ruined his life? Will he resent me for having a second child? Will be firstborn resent me for loving my firstborn more than him? Ugh, I'm awful. Please, someone tell me they have felt this way too and that it gets better. I feel so overwhelmed and unsure of everything right now.
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