August 2024 Moms

Just found out I’m having a girl and I’m sad

I feel like such a horrible mom. I have two girls who I love and I said I would love any healthy baby and I absolutely will. But I snuck a peak at my genetic testing results and saw girl and just feel sad. I’ll never have a boy. I know that’s a selfish way of thinking bjt im so scared of 3 girls and the fighting they will probably have. Has anyone else ever felt this way? How can I get my mind to be more positive about 3 girls 

Re: Just found out I’m having a girl and I’m sad

  • When I found out my 4th was yet another boy, I struggled with the gender disappointment. Originally, we were not going to have more than 5 kids. If #4 was a girl, we definitely were planning on a 5th but if a boy then that was it, no more. 

    It was really hard. And it was made harder by the people, even on the pregnancy forums, saying "Well, you should just be happy you're even having a baby" or "Be happy the baby is healthy." Some people got really nasty to other mothers. Seeing that type of reaction, I kept my feelings to myself and struggled in silence. When I did open up, I was shut down. So, I fought to bury my "wrong" feelings.

    Those feelings of fear and sadness and disappointment are real. And you cannot ignore them or push them under a rug. You have to feel them, accept them, then work through them. They are not wrong and you should not feel bad about having them. Oh, mama, I feel you. It's hard, on so many levels.

    With my 4th, I felt all the disappointment and sadness of never having a daughter. Not getting to do girl stuff; tea parties, shopping, wedding dress, babies, etc. The whole life of missing out on having a girl flashed before my eyes. Sure, you can do those things with boys but they are not the same. And no matter what some people in society seem to think today, boys and girls are different and not interchangeable. 

    I was never able to work through my feelings during my pregnancy. It came after the birth when I eventually realized that my feelings were not wrong and I had nothing to be ashamed of. Actions stemming from emotions or feelings may be wrong but the feelings alone are not wrong. 

    How to get your mindset more positive about having 3 girls?

    Time, patience, and love. Don't suppress your feelings. Be willing to face and accept them. Then, start to focus on all the fun and good and positives 3 girls will bring. And when you get hit with the worry, guilt, or fear, accept the moment then reframe it with positivity. It will take work and perseverance but it will get better and easier.

    All kids will most likely fight. Whether all boys, all girls, or a mix. Don't borrow worries from tomorrow. Raise them with kindness and consideration and lead by example. They'll live and love and fight; that's part of being siblings. 

    Chin up, mama. It will be okay. You will be okay. They will be okay. 🥰
  • thank you sooo much cscrzldbg
    Your reply has left me in tears and feeling very validated. Really makes me feel less alone. And gives me hope for the future. Thank you so much 

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