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1st Trimester
knottie43a200b26f15d6f0
member
First pregnancy and I don't know how I feel
knottie43a200b26f15d6f0
member
Hi all
A little background: I have never wanted kids. Period. Don't enjoy being around them, don't want them anywhere near me or my space. I could feel my ovaries shrink when babies were around as other women were gawking at "how cute" it is. Not cute. Resources drain and a parasite. Do not want.
I knew my husband for years before we started dating, we've been together 9 and married for 2.
I never thought kids would be possible, with my lack of any motherly instinct and some health issues that made me basically infertile. So I agreed I would give my husband (who wants a huge family and all the babies) 1 pregnancy regardless of the outcome.
As we were trying I became barely lukewarm to the idea of having kids. Then suddenly I'm all sorts of nauseous and energy drained and there's no way right?
Im 8.5 weeks now and had my first ultrasound. I felt...nothing. And continue to feel...hollow? Detetched from my uterus? Like I'm still in denial? But when I think about the possibility of miscarriage (I'm very high risk), all I want to do is cry and hold my abdomen to try and keep the little in there. And have said outloud and meant it, that I will not recover if I lose this thing.
Has anyone else felt like this? Or am I some form of psychopath?
A little background: I have never wanted kids. Period. Don't enjoy being around them, don't want them anywhere near me or my space. I could feel my ovaries shrink when babies were around as other women were gawking at "how cute" it is. Not cute. Resources drain and a parasite. Do not want.
I knew my husband for years before we started dating, we've been together 9 and married for 2.
I never thought kids would be possible, with my lack of any motherly instinct and some health issues that made me basically infertile. So I agreed I would give my husband (who wants a huge family and all the babies) 1 pregnancy regardless of the outcome.
As we were trying I became barely lukewarm to the idea of having kids. Then suddenly I'm all sorts of nauseous and energy drained and there's no way right?
Im 8.5 weeks now and had my first ultrasound. I felt...nothing. And continue to feel...hollow? Detetched from my uterus? Like I'm still in denial? But when I think about the possibility of miscarriage (I'm very high risk), all I want to do is cry and hold my abdomen to try and keep the little in there. And have said outloud and meant it, that I will not recover if I lose this thing.
Has anyone else felt like this? Or am I some form of psychopath?