advice on in-laws moving in

alexmaine626

In August, my wife gave birth to a healthy baby boy, and due to a c-section, we stayed in the hospital for five days. The transition back home was a relief (!), but we quickly felt the strain of sleep deprivation. To alleviate this, we reached out to my mother-in-law for assistance. She promptly moved in with us after our return from the hospital and has been supporting us ever since. Graciously, she offered to handle the night shift, allowing me to return to work [we are staggering our time off so we can maximize the time we have with our newborn]

However, I've observed that my wife has become increasingly reliant on her mother for baby care. Whenever the baby cries, my wife tends to pass him over to her mom. In fact, our son spends the majority of his time with his grandmother, with my wife taking over only during her mom's brief breaks for eating, showering, and other personal needs. Sometimes I feel like my wife spends more time cleaning, cooking, doing chores, going out for walks, etc than she does bonding with the baby. Another concern is that my mother-in-law employs rather traditional parenting methods, such as co-sleeping with the baby at night. My hope is that we would start him off into a nightly routine where he sleeps the majority of the time in his snoo basinet.

I'm seeking advice on how to approach this situation delicately and discuss it with my wife out of love and understanding. I recognize that she underwent a traumatic experience with the c-section and requires all the help she can get. My primary goal is to encourage my wife to become more involved in mothering and learning, as I fear my mother-in-law's involvement may be becoming possessive, resulting in our son spending more time with her than with us. I feel like we are missing out on vital bonding moments. I don't want to be ungrateful either... I know exactly what a blessing it is to have in-laws who can help. At the same time, I know my wife can't do it all... she's pumping, recovering, etc. and I'm away at work most of the day. Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.