Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

2nd Trimester Termination

Just looking for some other women who have terminated their pregnancy at or around 16 weeks due to abnormalities. This is a very hard place to be- I can already feel his movement and have named him which makes this decision fully devastating.

I've done all the tests and we are making the choice to terminate because of several abnormalities including Down's Syndrome.

My husband cannot even get close to understanding and I feel broken, lost, just devastated. I will not be trying again, I am 41 which makes the possibility for this to happen again much higher and I don't think I can emotionally handle this again.

Re: 2nd Trimester Termination

  • I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I had an ectopic pregnancy several years ago for which I had to take methotrexate. The loss alone was devastating, but the fact that I actively participated in going in and taking medication to terminate (despite the fact that there's no way my baby or I could have survived if I didn't) made it so much worse. I just sobbed through the procedure and the rest of the day. Feeling broken, lost, and devastated were all there, but guilty, too. For years. I don't know if the guilt will ever go away. And this was long before I felt my baby move, even before we could see her on an ultrasound. I can't imagine how hard it is at 16 weeks. My heart is with you- hard doesn't begin to describe it.

    Down Syndrome, and other disabilities and health concerns, are a difficult road, but can also be very joyous. My suggestion to you, if you have any doubts in your mind, is to find a Down Syndrome group in your area and meet with some moms face to face. For me, I think ultimately I would've ended up in the same place (if I didn't make the decision, it would've eventually become an emergency). But once you make this decision, you can't go back, and regret can last a lifetime. Loss is so much more complicated in this situation. I'm so sorry 
  • Hi Jenny, I’m came here to find some comfort from others for a similar situation and I’m glad I found your post. We chose to terminate a very much wanted pregnancy two weeks ago at 23 weeks due to some terrible terrible physical abnormalities. Our baby just wasn’t growing, specifically the lungs. You have to decide what is best for you and your family. They told us the baby would most likely not make it and I didn’t want to wait and deliver full term and see my baby like that. I thought it would be more traumatizing. And in the .00000001% chance they did make it, they would be completely paralyzed and on a breathing machine for life, which probably would have been days, weeks. I’ll never really know but in my heart and soul I know we made the right decision for our child to be pain free in heaven instead of living a life of pain and suffering. I read something they said “we are taking on all their pain so they do not have to” and it’s so true. I won’t lie, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through and I’m really struggling but there’s so much support out there for us. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, seek therapy, seek out friends. We’ve also decided not to try again because I also had a miscarriage at 14 weeks before this loss and I suffer from hyperemesis and between the two pregnancies, I feel like I was dying for about the last year and missed out on so much time with my family, with in bed throwing up all day or at the hospital getting meds and fluids. It was awful and my family can’t go through it again. So not only am I mourning the loss of my children but the loss of the future I thought we had with one more child in our family. Thank you for sharing, I know so many people go through this but I felt super alone in the not having anymore kids part. Seems like others can just go on and have their rainbow babies and that helps with the healing but we don’t have that option and it makes it hurt so much more and feels so isolating. You are not alone and I’m always here if you need to talk.
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  • I’d first like to say that I’m so sorry for the position you’re in. I’m worried that we’re on the same trajectory. I am currently pregnant with identical (mo-di) twins and they found a cystic hygroma on one of them during our 12 week scan. We were referred to high risk docs who were able to get us in the next day, and we did a CVS, which came back normal. While some may think that’s good news, all it’s done for us is create more questions. We have more tests to run, and we won’t know until our next scan if the hygroma has progressed (potentially to hydros) or gone away (sounds like a < 7% of that). We have two healthy little ones at home to think about as well. For their sake, we really aren’t willing to risk having not just one, but TWO, potentially special needs/medically complex children. We’re having to weigh the impact of that against our entire family’s quality of life, and it’s been such a heavy task. 

    So I know we’re not quite in the same boat as you, because we still have some tests to run in order to make the most informed decision we can, but I can imagine the pain you feel. I was honestly glad to find this thread because it does feel like a very isolating time and it’s hard to find people going through something similar since it really isn’t talked about much. Praying for you and your family that you find comfort and peace in the midst of this storm. 
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