Anyone else?

jeeves25

I have kind of an unplanned pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant I was honestly scared out of my mind. I felt stupid and uneducated because I thought I was on my period. It wasn't til the end of my period that I noticed by boobs were hurting pretty bad and I was like, that's weird. Being the paranoid person that I am I took a pregnancy test. Wouldn't ya know, I was about 5 weeks pregnant. I PANICKED, and I still haven't been able to relax and here's why..

I am a VERY anxious person. I am pretty good at containing my anxiety and am able to continue my stressful job. However, I developed some habits with alcohol through this stressful time in my life... My husband and I weren't as careful one night and I knew that I should probably take a pregnancy test in the upcoming weeks and make sure I didn't miss my period. Well that's exactly what I did. It was the holidays and my family enjoys getting together and making drinks. I took a pregnancy test before Christmas, and then a couple more between Christmas and New years Eve. All negative. Some might think this is excessive.. but I enjoyed going out with friends and drinking, and thought I was being "responsible" by making sure I wasn't pregnant.

So, on Friday January 13th, yes I know a lovely date... I found out the news and my doctor told me to come in ASAP because it was weird that I had a period or what I thought was a period and had a positive pregnancy test. They told me that it could be implantation bleeding and to not worry about the drinking since it was early and I have stopped. I went in for frequent checkups to make sure baby was okay in the early weeks since I had bleeding and everything was fine. I stopped worrying about the fact that I had consumed alcohol and starting focusing on the fact that I was actually pregnant and my whole world was going to change.

Fast forward I am 25 weeks now. Baby boy appears to be healthy. I have had some more down time recently and I feel like I am losing my shit. Scary thoughts are back and I am literally distraught every day and in tears, because I can't stop thinking that I could have messed up my baby by drinking when I didn't know I was pregnant. Especially since I can't remember how much I drank because it's been so long ago now....I feel like nothing can help me right now. Yes, people say not to worry, it's in the past. But how can I not? I literally won't even take Tylenol during my pregnancy because I am so paranoid😔. Just the thought that I drank and didn't realize I was pregnant makes me SICK. I have been doing countless hours of reading/research on the affects of alcohol on the fetus and the only thing I can come to a conclusion on is.. no one really knows if it will hurt the baby in early pregnancy or not. I am having a hard time mentally now because it's a worry that will never go away.. ya know? I'll always worry that I messed my kid up whether he is in the womb or trying to function in the world. It just has been a stressful start to my pregnancy and I feel disgusted with myself.

harpseal135

Sorry you are feeling this way.  Please seek counseling! Theyvwill be able to help with the anxiety. 

In all seriousness, you cannot change what is in the past.  As long as you are taking care of yourself now, all should be fine.  

sunny1289

If you are 25 weeks and the doctor says baby is healthy, then I think everything is totally fine. The important part is you stopped drinking once you found out and didn’t continue during crucial developmental periods. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Your baby is ok! I do also recommend a therapist to help with the anxiety. A lot of moms develop anxiety, especially post partum, so it may be something that could be helpful for you.