How are you supposed to compromise on names??

babyk2024

My husband and I have been discussing baby names since before we were even married. We both like the idea of using family names and have some overlap between our families so it didn’t seem difficult to come to an agreement. We’ve had our girl name picked out FOREVER… or so I thought. Now that we’re pregnant he says he wants to use our girl first name in our boy name (masculine spelling), claiming that he agreed before because it “wasn’t enough of a reality yet to be worth debating” and he figured we’d discuss it again when we’re actually pregnant. I am stubborn AF and will die on this hill. 😂 Do we just throw the whole name away and start from scratch? How the heck do people come to an agreement on names??

harpseal135

I made a list of 20 girl names and 20 boy names

My now husband did the same. 

We took eachothers list and circled the 4 we liked most got boy and girl. 

We kept those names around and overtime we decided we didn't like some so they got scratched off.  Went into the hospital w/ 2 girl names and 2 boy names - named baby after 1) we found out baby was a girl and 2) which one "fit" better after birth.  

mb0112

Are you finding out the gender? If you know it's a girl will you be able to use the name you have picked out, or is he saying he wants to "save" it for any future boy instead? 

I'd worry more about it once you know the gender (if planning to find out in advance) and use the girl name if it's a girl. Don't assume you'll have more kids or that you'll have both genders eventually. Use the name you'd regret not using if you never had that gender. 

00kim00

My husband and I both made lists of names we liked, then looked at each other's lists and took off ones we hated, made a third list that combined my names that he liked and his names that I liked. We also kept our original lists minus the ones we didn't like (so names the other didn't love but were ok with). We ended up with a hyphenated name that combined one name that was in both lists and one name from my list that my husband originally said he didn't like. It turns out neither of us loved that name by itself, but we did like it as half of the hyphenated name. It really came about by discussion. We didn't have a definite name until the day we left the hospital, but it was the first and only name that both if us were like "ooh, I like that!" rather than just "how about X" or "Y is a nice name".

It's hard! Choosing a name took us months, and like I said, we didn't have it totally decided until we were filling out the birth certificate before leaving the hospital. Don't be stubborn about it- you can definitely veto a bad name, but don't dig your heels in on a name your husband doesn't like. Keep taking about it, try referring to the baby by that name to see how it feels, and work together.

sunflower912

I have a hard “it can’t be in the top 25“ rule. It’s non negotiable. So it ruled out a lot of the names he liked. But our kids also ended up not being one of 4 in their classes. My name is different/not common and my husbands is super common which made him understand my hard no on certain names.   

For me the names have to mean something. I don’t pick names bc they sound good. I pick them bc I like how they sound AND they have a great meaning. 

The initials can’t spell anything crazy. 

His side uses family names as middle names so we stuck with that trend. 

And because it was hard as heck we decided that if it was a boy he would win the name and if it was a girl I would win the name. And that baby #2 the other got to pick. 🤣 

yes. I know. Lots of rules. BUT it helped us narrow it down.  Both of our boys ended up with fairly common names that aren’t overly popular and they have family names. So everyone won. 

This round. We can’t decide to save our lives. If it’s another boy he may be nameless till he’s born. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

Wishilivedinflorida

harpseal135 said:

I made a list of 20 girl names and 20 boy names

My now husband did the same. 

We took eachothers list and circled the 4 we liked most got boy and girl. 

We kept those names around and overtime we decided we didn't like some so they got scratched off.  Went into the hospital w/ 2 girl names and 2 boy names - named baby after 1) we found out baby was a girl and 2) which one "fit" better after birth.  

This is the way. 💯

We did basically the same but eventually melded the lists mentally into one. Subsequent children we kept the “leftover names” we didn’t use those rounds, added extras we liked, and named kids on day of discharge to not rush the process. 

I’m not sure when the trend of having to have a name before baby is here started, but it puts so much pressure on. Sure, if you both 100% agree ahead of time, but this is usually not the case I have found.