Husband pushing formula

knottiee67876f9079bc592

Hi! First time mom here and just looking for some advice so I’m sorry for my long rant. 

My son is 11 weeks old and I’ve been exclusively breastfeeding. I have a great supply and freezer stash. My husband insisted on having formula on hand as a “backup” which I didn’t understand since I have no problem producing and have a good amount of breast milk frozen. I ended up giving in to appease him but now my son has had a few instances of being super gassy/fussy and my husband’s immediate response was to push the formula. He basically forced the formula for 2 days  until my son refused the bottle and only wanted the breast. I’ve been back to breastfeeding and have decided to cut out dairy to see if that’s an issue with my milk. I thought everything was good and back to normal but my husband still seems to want to push the formula still when I have plenty of milk in the fridge and freezer just to allow me to eat dinner, shower, etc. 
Does anyone have any advice? I just don’t understand pushing formula when you have a mom that is willing and wanting to breastfeed and has an oversupply. When I bring it up to my husband he still just says it’s a back up but I just feel lied to and betrayed since he keeps pushing the formula when it’s not needed. It also makes me upset and makes me feel like he thinks my milk isn’t good enough for our son.  

Some backstory: we live with my in-laws who formula fed all of their children and my husband has had a lot of issues as a baby and could only tolerate soy formula. So whenever my son is gassy, my MIL always likes to make comments about how my husband acted like that as a baby until he was moved into soy formula. I can’t help but think that my MIL is pushing my husband to formula feed our son. 

meggyme

If baby is having issues on breast milk then I’d suggest going to the doctor to narrow down the issue instead of trying to self diagnose. If there was no issue until you introduced formula, then go back to breastfeeding and don’t fix what isn’t broken. Do they think that they are giving you a break by being able to give formula? Maybe they want to be more involved with caring for your child, in which case maybe you plan to keep a bottle or two a day of breast milk ready for them to give and you can take a nap or get out of the house for a bit.

Boundary setting will be very important here as I’m sure your husband is being influenced by your MIL. A simple “thank you for your concern but the doctor says X” may be enough. If you need to bring your husband to the doctors with you to hear things straight from them, make it happen but he should be on your side with how you chose to feed your baby. If there is maybe some underlying cause like feeling left out you’ll need to address that separately.

00kim00

It sounds like maybe you didn't come to a mutual decision on how to feed your baby before he was born? I think it's time for a serious, dedicated discussion with your husband, not just a question thrown out at some point during the day. Maybe during a nap time, tell your husband we need to have a discussion about feeding baby. Ask "is now a good time?" If he says no, schedule a time. If he says yes, you've established that this is a time dedicated to discussion, so you're not just expecting a half sentence answer to a question. Ask, "what are your thoughts on formula and breastfeeding? What to you are the pros and cons of each?" Then listen! Ask questions to understand him and get a full picture of his beliefs and why he feels that way  This will give you more information to understand him and educate him. Since bottle feeding breastmilk is an option, I don't really get why he'd have such a strong anti-breastmilk opinion about what is in the bottle, unless he's bought into some (old school, false) marketing that formula is better for the baby or had an issue with breastfeeding in general. We know that marketing by formula companies decides ago saying that it's better for baby is not true, and no heath body, researcher, scientist, or even formula companies claim that nowadays. They actually can't because babies died as a result of that belief and companies are no longer allowed to claim that. If he does hold the antiquated and incorrect (unless you're on drugs, have a disease transmittable via breastmilk, etc ) belief that formula is healthier, you can find the best way to educate him about that based on what you know about him and how he develops his beliefs.

There are many good reasons why a mom may choose not to breastfeed (it is her body doing an the work and she's making all the sacrifices) or not be capable of it, and formula is a good option if that's the case, But those are all exclusive to MOM. Either way, if Dad is feeding baby, it's going to be a bottle of milk obtained from somewhere. So while what's in the bottle shouldn't matter to him, and should be a simple matter of education if it does, you breastfeeding at all might. Some people still see breastfeeding as gross, low class, or improper. Some men have sexualized breasts so much that they believe breasts are primarily or only sexual and therefore shouldn't be associated with babies. Because of that or finding all bodily fluids disgusting, he may find you breastfeeding to be a turn off,, and he's prioritizing his sexual feelings over your baby's heath (if he recognizes that breastmilk is healthiest). 

There's also the possibility that it's no more complicated than what he's said; he's OCD or a prepper and feels the need to be prepared if your supply suddenly dries up. If that's the case, you can remind him that the fridge supply is your backup already, and the freezer supply is a backup to the backup. So if the worst happens and you suddenly dry up, you have X days/weeks before you need to move to formula or donated breastmilk, and that will give you time to purchase formula and gradually switch him.

So there are many ways to handle it depending on his real reasons, but it all starts with an honest discussion to figure out what those reasons truly are.

inthewoods23

All babies are gassy for Pete's sake 🙄. If your supply is good, you have a stash that can be used for when you need to take care of something without having the baby on you, and you are willing to breastfeed then YH needs to get over it and respect your choice to breastfeed.

If dairy is an issue and you are fine cutting that out of your diet then everything should be fine. There's no reason to switch to formula.