Help with intense toddler separation anxiety

larinetcay

My 3yo has always had separation anxiety, but it's come in waves the past few years. However, since she turned three it has hit an extreme intensity. Day care drop off (she goes 2x a week) used to go well, but she is back to having a really rough time and bedtime has gotten extremely difficult.

If I put her to bed, the second I move towards the door there is such an extreme reaction and if I lay in her room until she calms down, she juat falls asleep anxious about me leaving so when she wakes up in the night and I'm not there she runs through the house screaming. She's always been a great sleeper, ever since 4 months old, so this is new for us. We are trying to have my husband put her to bed instead. After weathering a half hour of tantrumming last night, she calmed down and although we heard her wake up in the night she didn't scream and run. We are trying it again tonight, and it's been an hour of her screaming and thrashing in the room with her yelling for me. He's wonderful, patient and keeps telling her how much we both love her, but it's SO hard for me to not go in when she's been yelling for me.

How should we handle this???? Is it right for me to not go to her when she is crying but with her dad? I have as much 1-1 time as I can during the day which helps a little, but I inevitably have to divide my attention between her and her 11 mo brother. Any advice on separation anxiety? I can't help but try to figure out what we did to make her so anxious (moving states when she was 1yo?) And I can't help but fear the repurcussions of not handling this well.